Still Into You

I knew from the beginning that I would always be James’s second love. Now, no, he didn't play me and have a girl hidden from me. Well, kind of. He was dedicated to his first love and he would never leave it. Sometimes it made me feel unneeded and like I didn't matter - more towards the beginning if only - but I knew I shouldn't take it personally. What love, you might be asking.

Music.

Yes, music was usually first on James’s priorities. Well, more like for the first few years in our relationship until they got more comfortable and stable with their careers. So, more like from their formation in 1999 up through 2004, when Waking The Fallen came out. I mentioned before that we had multiple times where our relationship had issues and strains. Well, those five years were probably where they came from the most.

It was difficult. The music business was hard, but with them being out of school, it was a bit easier to manage. I wasn't so lucky. Being my senior year I had so much homework I was almost unsure of how to handle it. But I still did everything I could to help the guys, probably my biggest downfall to almost having to flunk out of high school. My parents pointlessly tried to tell me that maybe I needed to take a break with James until I finished high school.

Needless to say, I never did.

Instead I busted my ass to do my homework and show up to school. At night and on the weekends I worked around the clock to help the guys out. Getting rides to help them get to shows, pitch in money to get the shows and merchandise, hanging around with the rest of the girls to sell the merch, and I’m even one of the people to put in most of the money to record EPs. Knowing how important this whole band was to James and the rest of our friends, I made it one of my own priorities to make sure they grew.

But, y’know what? I wouldn't trade those memories for the world.

No matter how bad or how good things went, I was always there for James. I made him happy on days he didn't think he could be. That, he told me. And on the days he was happy on how well a show or video or photo shoot went, I was made happy beyond belief too. It’s one thing to experience ultimate happiness, it’s a completely different story to know you caused someone you love to be so happy. Or just to know in general that the person you love is just about bursting with happiness.

Oh, I still get so giddy seeing him so happy.

The first time I experienced this kind of intense amount of giddiness that James always referred to as my “butterflies” was after their third show. As I’m sure most people know, the first few shows Avenged Sevenfold performed were bombed. I personally believe that they didn't sound like a proper band until they had dropped all the old bassists and got Johnny, but that wasn't until later on.

At the time they had some guy named Matt Wendt, who was a pretty chill guy. James didn't like him too much, but I think that was mostly just because he hit on me once or twice. I sat down and explained that I wasn't interested and James and I were happy, and he stopped. Much more reasonable than some guys I have had the displeasure to meet. But that is a bit off topic.

So we finally get to the show that started to turn the guys around. They’d been sour after Chain Reaction and the show a couple of months after that. After that they were still feeling particularly sour and that maybe they just wouldn't make it in the music business. Val and I nearly kicked all their asses and told them that if they didn't keep going to shows and prove they could do it, we’d cut off all their dicks. This motivated them to at least try it out again. And boy, I still get gratitude for making them do so.

Val and I, being the amazing and awesome sneaky bastards we were, had been passing around free copies of the demos they had recorded to kids at school, at the skate parks, the beach, music stores, pawn shops, downtown, anywhere we could find people who would take the CDs. We put up posters and searched the same areas, asking people if they enjoyed the songs and passing out more posters if we got positive feedback. We made sure everyone and anyone in the Huntington Beach area recognized the name Avenged Sevenfold and would show up to see them.

We had kept all this on the down low from the guys, so they were a bit surprised when they came out on stage to see most of the crowd wearing shirts and holding CDs from the guys. Val and I were even surprised. At the time we had to custom make shirts at printing companies using money that our parents didn't discover missing until later. That night we sold out of all the shirts we had, which was only thirty or so. But that was a lot for us, seeing as how we’d only managed to sell about six total from the last two shows.

As soon as they had gotten their instruments packed away and gotten through the people who stuck around for pictures and signatures, James took me into a tight hug, twirling me around. As he set me down there a shit eating grinning on his face that radiated such a high amount of happiness that if it had been anything else (such as chemicals), everyone in a three mile radius would probably be dead. “That was fantastic!”

“That’s supposed to be my line!” I laughed as he planted a kiss on my temple. I looked over to see the guys extremely pleased too, but none could compare to James who was about ready to dance on the spot. Val and I shared a knowing look and grinned even wider, making my cheeks hurt a little at the effort. Matt S. caught the look and turned Val and I towards him.

“That’s it, spill. What did you two do?”

We then launched into the efforts we had put in the last month. Multiple times we stumbled over each other’s words and butted in to correct one another, but by the end each guy was yanking us forward into bone crushing hugs. James had grabbed us both, rocking left and right, yelling ‘thank you’ so fast it was all a giant blur.

Soon we all broke off, deciding to stick around the club a little longer to hear other bands since it was an “open mic” kind of night. James settled onto a seat near the ‘bar’ and pulled me onto his lap. He planted another kiss on my temple, swaying to the sound of the band that had come on after them to play a cover of “Sweet Child O’ Mine”. He began to murmur with the guy’s voice, periodically kissing my neck.

“Okay, okay,” I giggled, pushing his head back so I could look at him. I pecked his lips before leaning back again. He still had the same goofy smile, his eyes ablaze with emotion. James was giving me a look that I had received quite a few times but never bothered to ask about it. Well, tonight was the night to ask. “What?”

“What what?” James teased.

“What is that look you’re giving me? You do it a lot and I want to know why already!”

"What, this look?" James was still teasing me, obviously amused by the annoyance I was showing.

"Yes! That face!" I exclaimed. A few patrons of the club looked over curiously, causing me to blush and look at my lap as James chuckled. His arms that were wrapped around my waist tightened and he kissed my cheek affectionately.

"That is the face I wear when you make me happy beyond words. I would give it to you every moment of every day, but then it wouldn't seem so special, would it?"

My face flushed bright red and I was unable to think of anything to say in return. He noticed my speechlessness and smiled wider again, giving me a passionate kiss. I easily returned it, turning in his lap to straddle him. My arms wrapped around his neck and his hands rested on my hips, pulling me closer to him. Just then, a groan was heard nearby and I sighed into the kiss, slumping down and resting my chin in the crook of James’s neck. Zack and Brian stood two feet behind James with twin grimaces.

“I would appreciate to not see two of my best friends sucking face in front of me,” Zack grumbled, Brian nodding in agreement.

“Then stop looking,” James suggested, leaning his head back to see them upside down. I couldn't completely see his face but I knew he was glowering at them. James and I had only had done it twice, but I can’t say that either of us were those types of teens that had to do it all the time to maintain a relationship. I could tell that James was annoyed to cut our make out session early, though.

“I would love to, but Matt S. said we need to head out. Val’s parents are pitching a fit,” Brian intercepted as Zack opened his mouth to, no doubt, make a smartass comment. With that the two left us. I climbed off James’s lap before offering a hand. He grabbed it but didn't bother to pull on it to get up. He simply laced our fingers together and walked with me towards the exit.

“So, you think you can go to Brian’s house?”

I sighed, moving closer into his side. “I wish. I have school tomorrow, remember?”

James’s nose wrinkled in disgust, like he had smelt something bad. “Oh yeah. Stupid educational system.”

I laughed and he grinned again, kissing my lips before letting me climb into the back of Val’s van first. We sat side by side on the drive from downtown with me passing out before we even got to the first stop. When I woke up next it was morning and I was in my bed with James’s shirt on me. He had left me a note, wishing me a good day at school and letting me know he’d be there to get me afterwards.

So yes, James had his first love, but I was far from hurt. I was proud of him. I was happy he was doing exactly as he wanted and, in return, he helped me with what I wanted. After I graduated high school I did what every parent expects of their child, I went to college. James made sure I got to my classes on time, helped arranged rides, helped me get my license and a car, and even dropped in once or twice to make sure I stayed awake in class (my professors rocked).

I was in the middle of earning my basics, almost to my summer vacation actually, when Sounding The Seventh Trumpet was recorded and released to the public. The guys were starting to get a lot of attention and people loved them, like I always knew they would.

It wasn't until this time I was ‘hurt’ by their music careers.

I had gotten out of my Calculus class and was waiting for James and Brian to show up. My mom’s car had broken down so I lent her mine since James let me know that Brian offered to give me a ride. So I waited in the small garden behind the Math/Science building, which just so happened to be next to the edge of the parking lot. During this time, a few girls walked up to me. I had never seen them before, leaving me to assume they were probably either girls in their second year or were here for classes besides basics.

I shifted uncomfortably as they stared at me, opening whispering to each other out of the corners of their mouths. I readjusted my messenger bag’s strap as my eyes flashed to the parking lot, just hoping that Brian’s car would pull up behind them. “Can I help you?”

“Are you Sonya Carruthers?” Okay, now I was definitely the most uncomfortable I had ever been in my entire life. I had no idea who these girls were and they knew me by name? Maybe there was an odd chance I attended school with them and just don’t remember. But I could honestly say I had no spark of recognition on any of their angry looking faces. And they would have to be at least two years above me. No, I didn't know them. How do they know me?

“Yes. Can I help you?” I repeated, not sounding as confident as I had hoped I would. The two main girls shared looks. The third was trying to hide behind them. I caught her eye and she winced, mouthing ‘I’m sorry’ to me. I frowned deeper and turned back to the other two who seemed like they were related. Probably sisters.

“So how long did you have to beg Jimmy to date you?” Wait, what? I could tell these girls definitely didn't go to our old school. Everyone knew that we both liked each other, why would I have to beg? I guess my confused stare annoyed the brunette. “You’re just going after the famous ones, huh? Gold digger.”

“Wait, what?” I repeated, but this time out loud. What was this girl on? “I've been with him since my sophomore year in high school. Four years now, actually.”

“Is that what you’re letting everyone think?” The other, seemingly younger, sister sneered. I blinked at her a few times, unknowing what I could say to these girls to defend myself.

“Guys, just leave her alone already,” the third girl pleaded, looking more ashamed of her friends the longer they glared me down.

“Shut up Crystal,” the older sister snapped. She crossed her arms over her chest, raising an eyebrow at me. “So what’s the real excuse? Did you have to whore out to get him to agree to date you? He’s an up and rising star, he wouldn't waste his time on scum like you.”

I was really starting to do the stupid thing where you get really angry at the same time you get really hurt. What were these girls’ deal? Crystal was trying to tug the sisters away but they simply shrugged her off. I finally couldn't stand it anymore. I jumped to my feet and got as close as I could to the ringleader, glaring up at her since she had a good four inches on me. “What is your deal?! You don’t know anything about him, or me, and yet you act like you know everything! Why do you even care?!”

“Because he’s going to become something big and you’re just holding him down!” The girl shouted back. Her sister tried to step forward but the girl held up a hand, keeping her at bay.

“Are you a complete moron? I've been working my ass off to help him and my friends work on this band. Without me there probably wouldn't be an Avenged Sevenfold to flaunt over. So, really, you should be thanking me instead of sitting here accusing me of such atrocious things!”

She opened her mouth to, most likely, shout some kind of insult at me, but the other two girls behind her gasped. I turned on the spot to see James climbing out of Brian’s car and walking towards us, Brian standing just outside the driver’s door. He was stationary there but I knew he was moments away from jumping over the car to interfere if a situation were to arise for him to do so. I instantly stepped away from the girl, grabbing James’s hand and trying to pull him away from the girls.

He, however, was rooted to the spot, staring at the three girls before him with a completely blank face. I tugged on his hand, urging him to leave, but he shook his head softly. “Is there a problem here, ladies?”

“No, sir. My friends are stupid and we were leaving,” Crystal spoke, giving her friends a warning glare. The younger sister had shrunk under James’s stare and whispered to her sister. The oldest of the group sized him up and let the smirk she had been wearing transform into a frown. Apparently she had decided that it wouldn't be wise to mess with the drummer.

She gave me one last harsh glare before stalking off. The Crystal girl gave me one last apologetic smile before running off after the sisters, yelling at them to slow down. I ignored James’s look and climbed into the backseat of Brian’s car where I sat silently, staring out the window, until we pulled to a stop in front of my house. I kissed James goodbye, waved to Brian, and headed inside alone.

I got on my computer and ended up looking up the band’s only fansite so far, Radiant Eclipse. Looking through the boards, I noticed that someone at a show had caught a picture of me and James kissing. Multiple threads had been created about this. Some people supported our relationship, others were strongly against it. I leaned back in my desk chair, feeling nauseous about the whole idea that people were protesting my relationship and wishing nothing but death and pain on me.

I had tried my hardest to brush it off and ignore it. Slowly I began to notice more and more people looking at me in my classes and whispering on my off time. Even walking around town I was sent either dirty stares or looks of awe. I was proud of myself, I ignored it for the most part and carried on with my life, even with people cussing me out on a daily basis. And I didn't bother to bring it up to James or the rest of the guys since I was handling it just fine.

It wasn't until the start of summer vacation when the guys were told that they were going on tour when I had to spill on the whole ordeal.

We were on our way to meet with the manager they now had to discuss signing them up for a tour. Well, James and I had decided to walk there since we were in the area already and it was a nice day out. Of course he was spotted by some of their fans - wow, it’s still weird to think of them having fans. Anyways, I was just kind of to the side, patiently waiting, when a shadow fell over me.

I looked up just in time to be covered in something that felt and smelt a lot like soda. Now, I’m not one to normally scream, so when I did James nearly tripped over his own damn feet to rush to me. I don’t even remember what happened from that point until arriving at the business building we were meeting everyone at. James kept offering to have Val drive me home but I just shrugged him off, taking the towel offered to me by their manager’s assistant. I blacked out again until the whole meeting was over and everyone was demanding I tell them what happened.

Lacking options, I told them everything since the encounter with the sisters.

From that day on they kind of made a point to tell of anyone who had a problem with any member of the band’s significant other that they would need to take it up with the guys themselves. I can’t say we don’t have any people who are still against us - let’s get real, people have opinions and they’re not going to change them very easily - but we haven’t been attacked or anything since that day. But to this day, people just don’t seem to understand how James and I clicked and managed to stay together all those years.

But I really can’t say I care if they do or not.

I understand why and, for fuck’s sake, why does it matter to anyone else?