Caraphernelia

I stared at my reflection in the mirror hanging in the corridor. Blue eyes stared back at me, a hint of innocence behind them. The freckles across my cheek bones and nose made me look even more innocent. I wasn't innocent though, or at least I was trying not to be. However, when you had no life and never went anywhere but straight to your room after school, it would be hard to not be innocent. It's not like I chose to be innocent. I chose to be popular in middle school. And then when I got into high school, I realized I didn't like being popular so I left that crowd. I never expected to be this isolated though. My only human friend that knows I exist is Lucy. Other than that, it's my cat and music.

"Mindy, what are you doing?" My mother stands behind me. I looked at her from the mirror.

"Just looking around." I shrugged my shoulders and took a quick glance from the enormous pictures hanging on the walls to the china glass cabinet at the far end of the corridor.

"Well stop that. Come down stairs and be sociable for one in your life. This is your future at Harvard depending on this night." My mother caught her reflection in the mirror and smiled. She started doing weird poses from the eighteenth century. I groaned and walked past her down the stairs to the main room where I heard chatter and laughter. I caught a glance at my father and walked to his side.

"Ah, Mindy!" My father embraced me in one of his too big beard hugs. I broke free and fixed my hair. Underneath this stupid dress were a pair of shorts and a t-shirt that would much prefer to be shown than this stupid golden "etiquette" dress with sleeves.

"Hey, there, Dad." I faked a smile at the men in black surrounding him. No pun intended.

"You're even more beautiful now that I can put a person to the description." The youngest man in the group held out his left hand to me. "I'm Peter Debrau. Nice to meet you." He smiled at me as I stared at his hand.

"Uh...sup." I had no idea how to react to this guy, but apparently that wasn't surprising to my parents. It was surprising to the other people, though. I heard gasps around me. The room was in a dead silence. I felt a sharp pain in my shoulder as my mother pulled me to her.

"Mindy, what did I tell you about manners?" she whispered in my ear. I rolled my eyes.

"A lady has the most respectful manners for the men who present themselves to her, as well for any other human."

"Mindy."

I groaned. "Person."

My mother sighed that stupid sigh that let everyone know just how fucking agitated she was and smiled at the others. "My apologies. What can I say? She's a teenager." The room roared in laughter as my mother walked away from me. I had had enough of this party. I scanned the room for my father. He wasn't that hard to find; he was the only man in the room with a face as a red as a tomato.

"Hey, can I leave? Lucy said it's an emergency."

My father looked up at me and sighed. "A moment, please." He stood up and escorted me outside to the front porch of the mansion. He sat down on one of the rocking chairs and patted the one next to him. "Sit."

I did as I was told, and crossed my legs. My father was silent for a short moment before he looked at me. "Is this how you want to live your life? Attending these concerts for bands that you'll grow old of hearing and leave in ten years and stop going to signings? Or would you rather make something of your life at one of the best colleges in the country and become a lawyer like me or your mom."

"I don't want to be a lawyer. I want to be an artist. That's a big deal, too."

"What will being an artist do for you? Bring in a couple hundred here, three hundred there? What happens when people are tired of your art? What happens when you have nothing to fall back on?"

"You act like my art is disgusting and that I'm terrible. You've seen my art. You've seen the scholarships and the awards I've received because of my art. My art saved-"

"Art is not a super hero, Mindy. It cannot save anyone."

"It did me."

"You were never in need of rescue."

I didn't know I was crying until I felt the little water droplet fall on my wrist. I looked at my dad and nodded. "You wouldn't know. You never care to ask. You're always at work. Where were you when I had my first break up? Or prom? Where are you going to be when I graduate? At work, or in between your secretary's legs? You don't understand, and you don't know. You haven't been around to notice. You've been busy at work or leaving. You've never been there. Mom was at one point, and then she turned into that," my hand pointed figuratively at the door behind me, "after her cancer. What happened to my dad? The dad who used to listen to Metallica with me and teach me to play guitar? Where did he go because this sure as hell ain't him." I stopped to take a breath and wiped the tears from my face. "And those bands are more than that. They're my friends. They have been there for me when you never were. I go to the signings to meet them and to thank them for being a hero. Behind the "nonsense" and "loudness" are real people just like me. Not mindless robots like you. They understand, and if they haven't experienced it, they're still there. It's called being someone to look up to, or, what I like to call, a hero. You should try it some time."

We were silent for a few moments. I couldn't look at my father right now. I didn't want to look at him ever. I wanted to leave. I wanted to be free. I started to run, run from the house, from my dad, from the life I didn't want. I had to stop running a few houses down because the heels on my shoes broke. I took the shoes off and carried them back to the SUV we had taken to this stupid thing. I took my dress off and pulled on the socks and sneakers I brought with me. I grabbed my phone out of the clutch I was holding onto and starting walking toward the nearest sign of normal life. After fifteen minutes, I felt like I had been walking in circles. I needed Lucy, so I called her.

I looked back at whatever was behind me and kissed it goodbye. I wasn't going to let my past life interfere with my future. This was who I was, and I would be damned if someone tried to change me. I was Mindy White. And no one would take that from me.