Don't Turn Around

I let out a sigh of relief at Jack's response, thankful that he didn't seem to think any less of me after hearing my story. I brushed the few tears that had run down my cheeks away, looking down at my shaking hands.

"I've made it through this far, I'm hoping I'll be alright by myself now and again" I replied with a soft laugh.

Jack lifted his head and smiled at me and then laid it back down again, continuing his staring contest with the ceiling. I assumed that he was trying to understand everything somehow.

"You said you didn't want me to get hurt, what were you talking about?" he asked after a few silent minutes.

I took another deep breath before responding.
"Him. I wouldn't want him to hurt you if he found that you and I were..." my voice trailed off, not really sure what to label what Jack and I had become.

"I should be the least of your problems, don't start worrying about me" he replied gently, reaching out to wrap his fingers around mine.

I nodded, "If you have questions about this stuff I want you to ask me about it" I said, not sure where it was coming from, "people have a way of making assumptions, rumours spread. I've been a victim of that way too much of the last few years."

"Actually I wanted to ask you something about what Rachel said last night" he replied, sitting up so we were facing each other.

"Anything." I responded, knowing exactly what was coming next.

"She mentioned pills, about you dealing with everything with pills?" he said, stumbling slightly over his words.

I nodded, "Yeah I was taking oxy's. I got hooked after I, he, broke a few of my ribs. They were so good at numbing everything " I replied, a sharp pain running through my stomach.

"Are you still.." he began quietly with a sympathetic look on his face.

"No, no not anymore." I replied, trying not to relive too many of the memories that were flashing through my mind.

He just nodded, squeezing my hand a bit tighter, tugging at it to get me to sit closer to him. I welcomed the invitation, nestling myself in his arms and immediately feeling the wave of safeness and security rush over me. Jack turned his head to plant a firm kiss on my temple and I couldn't help but lean farther into him, never wanting to let the feeling of him so close slip away.

"Will you tell me a story from when you were a kid?" I asked, wanting shift the focus from myself.
"Why?" he laughed.

"I don't know I just like to picture you as a kid" I replied.

"I was way too hyper as a kid" he replied and I could hear the smile in his voice, "I jumped off everything, broke so many bones. I couldn't sit still."

"I can picture it" I replied, picturing a miniature Jack causing all sorts of trouble.

"What were you like as a kid?" he asked.

"Well, I was way too obsessed with Pokemon for my own good. When I was about 7 I was living with a foster family that had 4 boys around my age. Two of them were twins who were 8 and they got me so into it. I knew everything about it, you wouldn't even believe the little nerd I was." I replied with a chuckle, only allowing the good memories to fill my head.

"You're still a nerd" he laughed back at me.

"Am not!" I replied, "I've spent way too much time drinking with you guys lately, my grades are going to suffer" I replied, trying to remember if I'd missed any deadlines.

"You don't even like it." Jack responded, letting out a sigh.

"How do you know?" I asked defensively, not really able to disagree with him completely.
"I can tell you're not passionate about it" he replied shrugging, without a doubt in his mind that he was right.

All I could do was look at him with a bit of shock, feeling like I'd been figured out but too afraid to admit it to myself.

"I.. I mean I guess..."

"What are you passionate about? What makes you happier than anything? What would you drop everything you were doing to chase if you knew you couldn't fail at it?" he questioned me.

I was so thrown off guard by his question that I couldn't force words out of my mouth.

"You know the answer" he continued softly, trying to get me to utter the words I'd never even considered.

"Writing" I blurted out, realizing that I'd never told anyone that I loved to write.

"So why are you in neuroscience?" he prodded, making neuroscience sound like the most annoying word in the dictionary.

It surprised me because there had not been one person who had told me that I shouldn't be pursuing something like neuroscience. Most people were impressed, encouraging me to continue in a field that required so much intelligence and dedication.

But Jack didn't care. Just because it was a big word meant nothing, being happy meant something, even if it a career in writing was nowhere near as secure or promising as a job in neuroscience would be.

"I..I don't know" I responded genuinely, "Where were you 3 years ago when I was applying for school?" I asked turning to face him, letting out a half-hearted laugh.

He leaned in to nuzzle his head into my neck, "I'll tell you where I wish I was" he whispered, sending butterflies right through my stomach.