Don't Wave No Goodbye

The boys sit down with their slightly overdone pizza and wine, watching with careful eyes as Harry picks off the burnt bits with a solemn stare. Finally, Niall clears his throat awkwardly and Harry sits back, sighing lightly.

“I’m okay, lads,” he tells them, looking at each of them in turn. “I’m not about to break down and lock myself in the bathroom to cry.”

The boys all laugh but exchanged looks until Louis finally speaks up. “We know man, we know. But if you want to talk about it, that would be alright, wouldn’t it?”

Harry shrugs helplessly. “What’s there to talk about? She just had to go, it’s fine,” Harry tells them seriously, returning his focus back to the rapidly cooling pizza on his plate.

“Does it bother you at all?” Zayn asks after a minute, deciding a better tactic was needed. “You know, not knowing who else she might be seeing and stuff. Don’t think I could do it, especially not with Perrie. I’d beat anyone who dared tried something with her.”

Liam snorts, shaking his head at this. “Caveman.”

“Me Zayn,” Zayn grunts with a grin, beating his chest with his fists and Harry can’t help but crack a smile before giving another half-shrug.

“I don’t know if she even is seeing other dudes. We never talk about it.”

Louis looks around awkwardly, knowing he can’t just stay silent on the matter. “Err, well she is, mate.”

Harry looks up suddenly, and they don’t miss the flash of hurt crossing his features. “She is? Oh. I mean, she can – how do you even know this?”

“Nick told me,” Louis answers, flushing slightly as he does. “Well, he didn’t tell me as much as accidently blurting it out.”

“But that’s okay right? Like you’re friends with benefits, it’s the perfect arrangement. It’s like having a girlfriend who lets you shag whoever you like!” Niall says cheerfully around a mouthful of pizza. “Nothing wrong with that!”

“Don’t talk with your mouth full!” Liam snaps, before turning back to Harry. “You haven’t been seeing anybody while you’ve been involved with her, have you?”

Liam’s tone is soft and gentle and pretty much makes Harry want to die. “No, I… I guess I haven’t. It wasn’t like a conscious thing and she always joked about all the girls I must be shagging while I’m away but I never did. Bit stupid, isn’t it? I’m just not good at this no commitment thing,” Harry says quietly, unable to look at any of the boys right now.

“Harry, you don’t… you don’t love her, do you?” Zayn questions, concern evident in his eyes.

Harry shakes his head quickly. “No, no, god no, I don’t love her,” he answers, the boys looking skeptical but accepting the answers nonetheless. “I just, I think I care about her more than I intended to going into this.”

“I think that’s about the time you know you need to end things,” Louis explains calmly. “Because if you stick around, those feelings are only going to get worse and I don’t want to see that happen to you.”

“But maybe she wants to be with you, you know, like in a relationship?” Niall tries, hating how upset Harry looks and just wanting him to feel better about all this. “Then you can care about her all you want and be with her and everything!”

Harry looks bittersweet about this, giving Niall a grateful smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. “That’s not going to happen, Ni. She doesn’t want a relationship and she’s been perfectly clear about that from the beginning.”

“It’s strange though, girls are usually all over that relationship stuff,” Zayn comments with a shrug. “You know, they want to know that you’re theirs and whatnot. You always have to call and text and buy them flowers and remember dates.”

“Yeah and if it wasn’t for your iPhone and Liam, you’d be in the shittier,” Niall laughs, ducking away quickly when Zayn reaches out to thump him with a grin. “It’s true! Liam’s what keeps Perrie thinking you’re the best boyfriend ever!”

“I remember stuff sometimes!” Zayn pouts and Liam pats his leg comfortingly.

“No you don’t,” he tells Zayn with a small, amused smile. “But that’s okay. We don’t need to tell her.”

“Thanks man,” Zayn grins, before sending Niall a glare. “Nice to know who my friends are.” Niall just blows Zayn a kiss.

“I don’t know, that’s the kinda stuff I miss. I mean, I wanna be able to call whenever just to say hi and to go out on interesting dates and to say exactly how I feel without worrying about it,” Harry says after a moment and the boys all look troubled once more.

“Then break it off with her, Haz,” Louis tries. “Call it off and find a nice girl who wants all those things too, yeah?”

Harry shakes his head furiously, balling his hands into fists in frustration. “No, you don’t get it; I want all that with her! Why doesn’t she want that? Why doesn’t she want that with me?”

Liam frowns at this. “Harry, you’ve got to understand that for some people, a relationship is completely daunting. Maybe she feels like she’s not ready or that she can’t do it.”

“Yeah, Li’s right. Maybe she’s just scared,” Niall adds, finishing off his third slice of pizza. “Or you know, she just really doesn’t want to have a relationship and if that’s the case, you’ll have to let her be even if you don’t want to. You can’t force someone to love you and all that.”

“I know, I know,” Harry says finally, nodding slowly before trying on a smile for his friends. “I’m sorry guys; this is all a bit of a down buzz. Let’s put a movie on and forget this.”

They boys all look doubtful but pleased about the possibility of a distraction. Niall picks Hot Fuzz out of the stack and throws it at Zayn to put into the player, then Louis and Zayn both scuffle over who gets to sit in the recliner chair before deciding there’s enough space for the two of them to share it. Liam falls asleep halfway through only to be woken up by having Niall’s feet shoved into his face for a laugh, and for a few hours, Harry’s feeling much better about everything just from being around his boys. It’s only when it comes time to leave that a cruel reality hits him hard in the chest, makes it hard to breathe, and Harry wonders when he let himself get this deep.

Zayn and Louis had both gapped it by the time it came to cleaning up, so Liam and Harry both stayed behind to help Niall clear up the mess they’d managed to make over one evening. Eventually, Niall shoos them away, saying he’ll deal with it tomorrow because he just couldn’t be bothered so Liam and Harry head out together. They’re only a few steps out of Niall’s house when Liam feels the guilt he’d been trying to quash rear up inside him and he grabs at Harry’s wrist to stop the younger boy walking. Harry turns back to Liam, confused about why he looks so anxious and fretful, more so than usual.

“Liam?”

“Harry, I’m sorry,” Liam blurts out suddenly. “I think I’m the reason Darcy left so quickly.” Liam ducks his head, feeling shame heat the back of his neck and he wishes he’d never opened his damn mouth in the first place.

“What? Why? What do you mean?” Harry’s confused and Liam swallows hard.

“I maybe sort of said some stuff when we were in the kitchen before – nothing bad – but I think it may have bothered her.”

Harry’s expression is firmer now, eyes narrowed and on guard. “Liam, what did you say?” Harry asks lowly.

“I just… I was worried, okay? You know I worry about you boys all the time, I can’t help it, it’s like a built in feature for me. I couldn’t help myself and I opened my mouth and all this stuff came out and –"

“Liam!” Harry raises his voice, causing Liam’s rambling to come to an abrupt stop. “Please just tell me what you said, I need to know,” Harry pleads desperately and Liam sighs.

“I asked her to be careful. Because I know you Harry, and I know how hard you can fall. You love too quickly, you always have, and although I love that about you, it scares me too. You said you’re not in love with her and be that as it may, I know you care about her much more than you want to admit. I had to ask her to consider your feelings and to be careful for you because I don’t think you’d stop even when it’s hurting you and I don’t want to have to watch you fall apart, Harry,” Liam admits quietly, eyes flicking from Harry’s blank expression to stare at the ground. “She seemed okay with it, honestly. She promised me that if she felt things were getting too serious, she’d call it off and that she understood why I was saying all of that.”

“God, Liam,” Harry ground out between clenched teeth, scrunching up his face before covering it in his hands. A moment later, he pulls his hands away and gives Liam a steady look. “You scared her off! Now she probably thinks I’m already in love with her and that we have to stop! Or you’ve made what was meant to be a fun affair into something much more serious!”

Liam looks so upset that Harry’s not even sure he can be angry at him. “Harry, I shouldn’t have gotten involved and I should’ve kept my mouth shut. I know that and I’m really sorry,” Liam tells him carefully, still so concerned and it breaks Harry.

“No, no, shit, Liam, don’t be sorry,” Harry says after a minute, his expression softening. “You were just trying to look out for me like you always do and I’m thankful for that, really. You’re the best mate a guy like me can have,” Harry finishes, smiling down at Liam who returns the smile instantly, his eyes crinkling into half moons like they always do when he’s really happy about something.

“Thanks Haz,” Liam answers softly. “But still, it’s your business and I should’ve stayed out of it.”

“Do you think it’s wrong?” Harry asks suddenly, catching Liam off guard. “You know, what Darcy and I are doing?”

Liam sighs, honestly wishing that any other question had come out of Harry’s mouth. “Do you want the honest truth?”

Harry nods expectantly. “Yeah, fire away. No holds barred.”

“Then yes. The moment you told us what was going on, I wanted to shake you and make you reconsider. I know it’s your life and you can do as you please, whatever you do I’ll always stick by you but this is something huge, Harry. It’s not just something you can walk away from, especially someone like yourself who just cares too much. Being friends with benefits never works, you can’t mix sex and emotions and expect things to not develop from there,” Liam pauses, collecting himself. “You’re friends, lovers, or nothing. That’s it, that’s all you can be. There’s no in-between. Someone will always get hurt.”

Harry’s silent for a moment, mulling over Liam’s words, before he lets out a soft groan. “You’re right. I should’ve never thought I wouldn’t get caught up in all of this, I was an idiot and now I’m left in this mess.” Harry gives a self-deprecating grin, trying for humour and falling flat like he always does when he’s upset. “Can’t play with fire and not expect to be burnt, right?”

“What are you going to do, Harry?” Liam asks, his expression sympathetic as Harry sighs.

“I don’t know, I really don’t know. Maybe go talk to her, see where we stand?”

“I don’t really think that’s the best idea,” Liam says slowly. “I mean, maybe sleep on it, that gives you both a night to come to terms with everything and then tomorrow… Take it as it comes.”

Harry gives a resigned sigh before nodding. “Yeah, you’re right, Li. You always are and I should listen to you more often.”

Liam grins at this. “Finally, he sees the light!” he cries teasingly, watching as Harry smiles at this before reaching out and pulling the younger boy into a quick hug. “Go home, sleep. Things will be better in the morning. If they aren’t, or even if they are, call me, okay?”

Pulling back, Harry gives Liam a grateful smile. “Yeah, yeah okay,” Harry nods. “Thanks Liam. For everything. I really don’t know what I did to deserve a friend like you but I’m glad I did it.”

Liam ducks his head, grinning before punching Harry’s shoulder lightly. “Get out of here before you make me tear up.”

“Goodnight, Li,” Harry says quietly, giving a little wave.

“Goodnight, Haz,” Liam returns the farewell, watching the younger boy walk away with a frown settling upon his face. He didn’t know what was in store for the boy, but he’d try his hardest to be there for him no matter what. It’s all he really could do now, he thinks with a sigh before forcing himself to follow his own advice and go home to sleep.