Don't Wave No Goodbye

She never gets the chance to find out whether she could’ve told him or not, because the next morning she wakes to an empty flat and a post-it note stuck to Harry’s empty mug that only reads one word: sorry.

It breaks her heart in ways she can't even explain.

She refuses to let herself dwell on it however, and picks herself up immediately, getting changed out of the uncomfortable dress she’d fallen asleep in and re-dressing in something a little more weather appropriate. While waiting for Lex to finish his breakfast, Darcy cleans up the living room, refolding the comforter and clearing away the dishes before finding Lex’s lead and grabbing her phone.

Producer Claire had arranged for them to have a meeting just before lunch to discuss tomorrow’s Christmas Day show but Darcy figures Claire wouldn’t mind if she shows up a little earlier to get it out of the way. The paths had cleared over night and Lex seems to enjoy himself as he snifs along the ground, occasionally sneezing frost from his snout which makes Darcy smile despite everything.

It’s only when she arrives that she finds out Claire’s not in yet, and decides to head up to the offices to see who’s around. As expected when it’s Christmas Eve, the offices are practically desolate and so dejectedly, Darcy and Lex make their way back downstairs to the studios only to see that both Nate and Fiona are inside, Nate hosting a show and Fiona drinking tea and working on her laptop beside him. Once Nate goes to a song, Darcy knocks on the window and gives them both a wave.

Nate grins, sliding off his headphones and eagerly making his way over to let her and Lex in.

“Hiya! Merry Christmas!” he greets cheerfully, engulfing Darcy in a hug before dropping down to give Lex a belly scratch which Lex just loves. “You alright?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m okay. You? How are things going?” Darcy responds, shuffling inside so Nate can shut the door as Lex bounds over to Fiona to get her share of cuddles. “You alright Fiona?”

“Good, thanks, yeah!” Fiona responds happily, slightly distracted by the lovable mutt lolling about at her feet.

“Everything’s pretty chill in here! What’re you doing in here so early? Claire said the meeting wasn’t until 11:30?” Nate questions as he sits back down in his chair and checks his watch.

Darcy pulls out a spare seat and flops into it, trying to give a nonchalant smile. “Oh you know, thought I’d come in early and see what everyone’s up to.”

Nate and Fiona both exchange disbelieving glances and Darcy feels herself deflate a little, wondering why it’s so easy for everyone to see right through her.

“Right…” Nate says slowly, before realising the song he’d put on is about to finish. He chucks his headphones on, and runs through his next link before flicking it over to the news room and lining up a few more songs to play afterwards.

Darcy sits in her chair, ignoring the buzzing from her phone because she knows it’ll be Nick but she doesn’t know what to say to him right now, if there’s anything she can say at all. She looks back up to find Nate and Fiona still giving her those concerned looks and she sighs. She’s sick of feeling so miserable all the time and it’s all Harry fucking Styles’ fault.

“You look awful, babe,” Fiona says finally, “and not like in the physical manner, you just look so unhappy and exhausted and that’s not right.”

“You really miss him, don’t you? This Styles bloke?” Nate questions and Darcy just sighs.

“This whole thing has just blown up and I don’t know how to handle it,” Darcy mumbles, hiding her face in her hands because she’s twenty-five and acting like a school girl with a crush. “He came to my house last night, shit-faced and miserable and cried in my arms over a teenage suicide, and it was horrible and awful to see him in such a way but I don’t think I’ve loved anyone as much as I loved him in that moment.”

Fiona lets out a low whistle. “Whoa,” she says after a moment and Nate can only nod in agreement. “That’s pretty heavy stuff. But you know what that tells me?”

Darcy shakes her head. “No? What?”

“That tells me that you really love him, Darce. It’s my belief that you don’t truly love someone until you’ve seen every side of them and seeing someone at their worst like that and still loving them regardless just proves that,” Fiona says gently, smiling brightly when Darcy looks up at her.

“Are you going to tell him, you know, that you love him?” Nate asks curiously, letting out a yelp when Fiona leans over to smack him.

“I tried,” Darcy pipes up, looking between the two quickly. “Well I mean, I told him but he was kind of… asleep. I just, I don’t know if I can do it, this is terrifying.”

Nate looks over at Fiona before wheeling his chair out of her arm’s reach before speaking. “Look, you need some tough love right now otherwise we’ll be here until the next decade trying to coax you into manning up, grabbing your feelings by the balls, and going after what you want. When I met you, you had this fire in your eyes that told me you’d go after whatever catches your eyes and won’t stop until you got it. Where’s that girl gone, hmm?”

“I think she got frightened off by the thought of commitment,” Darcy answers, watching as Nate makes a face at this.

“Okay then, fuck her, we don’t need her! Look, you know he has feelings for you, and you’ve got feelings for him, the only thing that has to happen now is for you to just take that final leap. It’s time to get it together, put on your big girl knickers, and get intimate with the boy you love! If you don’t, you’ve only got yourself to blame when you end up old, alone, and with Nick Grimshaw being the only man in your life. Do you want that?”

Darcy almost wants to laugh, she’s suddenly so inspired and instead, she leans forward and wraps Nate into a tight hug that takes him off guard but he eventually responds. “Being a radio DJ is not your calling Nate, you need to be a life coach because that was brilliant,” Darcy tells him excitedly. “Why couldn’t I have met you first and fallen ridiculously in love with you?”

“Because I am so out of your league,” Nate teases with a cocky grin.

Fiona snorts at this, ignoring Nate’s glare. “Nate’s right Darce, you need to go out there and get your man. It’s Christmas Eve right, when is there ever going to be a better time to do this than now?”

“What, you mean call him? I don’t really think this is something that can be done over the phone…”

“No, moron, you need to go to him!” Nate scolds, and Darcy feels all of that hope in her chest shatter.

“He’s in Cheshire, that’s like four hours away by car or something ridiculous. Even if I leave now, there’s no way I’m going to get there, tell him how I feel, deal with the aftermath, come home and be functioning for the Christmas Day show tomorrow! It’s not possible!”

Nate grins at this. “Yes, yes it is. You’re going and I’m going to do the Christmas show for you,” Nate says decidedly, and even Fiona looks a bit shocked by the turn of events.

“What – Nate, no! I couldn’t ask that of you, there’s no way,” Darcy says adamantly, shaking her head at this offer.

“You don’t have to ask because I’m offering, and hey, I don’t mind! I’ve got literally zero things going on tomorrow, and it’ll just mean a bit more money and recognition for me, right?” Nate says with a grin before a serious look comes over his face. “Look, for all that I might not care about relationships and what have you, I’m kind of a sucker for romance and Christmas miracles and I like you, Darce, I wanna see you happy and not moping around like you have been these past few weeks. Put us all out of our misery and go snag yourself a popstar.”

A huge smile splits Darcy’s face, and she practically bowls Nate out of his chair when she launches herself at him, holding him tightly and say thank you over and over while Nate just laughs. “You’re the best Nate, I can’t thank you enough! God, just, thank you, you beautiful bastard!”

“Alright, alright, I get it, I’m a saint and god and everything else in between!” Nate says through laughter, managing to pick them both up off the floor. “Just make sure you don’t screw it up, okay?”

Darcy nods firmly. “Right.”

Fiona calls for Lex, grabbing the dog’s leash and giving Darcy a wide smile. “Leave Lex to me, I’ll look after him until Grim gets home. Go on, go be a horrible Christmas cliché!”

Darcy feels her cheeks begin to ache from smiling so wide and she rushes over to wrap Fiona up in a hug. “I don’t know what I did to deserve such amazing friends and I’ll never be able to thank you enough,” Darcy gushes into Fiona’s hair, holding her tightly as Fiona laughs.

“I’m sure we’ll find a way for you to make it up to us,” Fiona says through a grin. “Now go!”

Darcy doesn’t need to be told again, collecting herself up and rushing towards the Radio One building exit when she comes face to face with Producer Claire who’s almost buried underneath a layer of winter clothing. She feels her heart sink instantly because there’s no way Claire would agree to this.

“Claire, I –"

“Let me guess, you’re off to tell the man you’ve been hung up over for the last month that you love him, right?”

“I – uh, how did you know that?”

Claire laughs at this, an honest to God cheerful laugh. “Please, I’m not blind, deaf, and dumb. I do actually hear the gossip about what goes on within this station and I do have a brain. Just tell me one thing, who’s covering for you tomorrow?”

“Well Nate said he’d do it but I know that this is so irresponsible and –"

“Great, I’m glad you got that sorted. Now off you go, make this Christmas a happy one and all that,” Claire interrupts and Darcy’s left standing there, floundering for words.

“Wait, what? I thought you’d be furious at me, for letting my personal life interfere with my work life and all that? For being unreliable and unprofessional?”

“Well yes, but it’s also Christmas and I can’t deny myself a good love story,” Claire says with a dismissive wave of her hand, smiling at Darcy as she speaks. “Besides, as long as there’s someone to play a few songs and chat away while the nation unwraps their presents tomorrow, I couldn’t care less. Good luck, Darcy, I hope you find what it is you’re after.”

“I don’t… Thank you, Claire, thank you! The best producer I’ve ever had!” Darcy calls out and Claire just tells her to get a move on because traffic is backing up already as it is.

Darcy's a jittery mess the entire trip back to her place and the moment she’s home, her mind explodes with all the things she has to do. She’s always been slightly spontaneous but this is huge, even for her. She grabs out her suitcase and manically throws the first things that touch her hands when she reaches into her closet, only just remembering things like toiletries and shoes. Once her suitcase looks full enough for her to be away for a few days, she spots a present at the bottom of her wardrobe, hiding there like a secret.

It’s the gift she’d gotten Harry for Christmas. She’d bought it sometime in November and wondered for ages if it had even been appropriate to buy her then fuck buddy a present. Then December came and everything went to shit and she realised it didn’t matter anymore because he didn’t want anything to do with her.

Darcy pick it up gingerly, the generic Christmas wrapping paper rustling under her touch and on a whim, Darcy throws it into her suitcase before zipping it up shut. Dragging her suitcase out into the living room, Darcy’s meet with her biggest dilemma yet and she could kick herself for not thinking about it earlier. She has absolutely no way of getting to Cheshire and even if she did, she has no clue where Harry even lives.

Trying to calm herself down, Darcy remembers that Nick would know where Harry lives and once she finds her way to Cheshire, she can rely on him to get her to Harry. Now it’s only the transport issue, knowing that all airports would be overcrowded and filled to the brim with people desperate to get to where they needed to be for Christmas Day.

Then it hits her, the envelope. Louis’ weird cryptic goodbye. All that shit about waiting until the right time.

Darcy dashes over to the miniature Christmas tree, heart racing and she hopes with everything she has that she’s right about this otherwise it’s all over for her. Ripping the envelope open, she finds a post-it with that same chicken scratch writing of Louis’.

Darce, if you’re reading this, I hope it’s because you’ve made the right decision. I know something this big can seem daunting, frightening even, but I know you can do it. Scare the things that are scaring you, and be brave. Only the best things come for those strong enough to say how they feel. Merry Christmas.

Love, Louis x

Underneath the message is an address, Harry’s, and beneath the post-it, an all-day train ticket to Cheshire.

Darcy wants to laugh and cry and sing all at once but she doesn’t have time for that. The ticket only gets her onto any of the pre-scheduled journeys happening today, and once she scans the ticket, she realises she’s only got two chances left to get on the train and get to Cheshire.

She calls a cab and grabs her suitcase, locking her house up tight behind her as she waits and it feels like a lifetime before the black cab crawls to a stop outside her place. Darcy doesn’t even wait for the cabbie to help her with her suitcase, it’s in the boot within seconds and she’s on the backseat, impatient, before the cabbie can even take his seatbelt off.

“Where to then, love?” he asks, glancing at her through the rear-vision mirror.

Darcy beams at him. Absolutely beams. “The train station, please,” she tells him. “Take whatever route you need to avoid the traffic and get us there.”