Don't Wave No Goodbye

Darcy spends the entire ride a trembling, nervous wreck, barely able to focus on the menial chit-chat the driver is producing until he mentions that they’re almost at the house. Clenching her phone so tightly, it takes Darcy three goes to be able to text Nick that she’s at Harry’s and then suddenly she’s standing at the bottom of Harry’s family’s front yard, suitcase beside her as the cab drives away.

The sky’s already dark and snow is beginning to fall harder now, causing Darcy’s cheeks to flush pink as she tries to burrow further into her winter coat to fight off the cold. The curtains are all drawn but Darcy can see light peeking through and hear festive music from inside indicating that someone has to be home. Moments pass and there’s still nothing, just Darcy standing in the snow freezing her ass off and suddenly she wonders what the hell she’s doing. It’s madness to think that this would all work out, she’s living in reality not a light-hearted rom-com so who the heck is she to get a happy ending?

After another moment of thought, Darcy’s just about to talk herself out of this entire plan when the front door opens, causing the inside light to illuminate the front yard and catch Darcy off guard. Then there’s a head of curly hair with a beanie pushed on haphazardly appearing and Darcy feels her heart speed up when she catches sight of Harry standing on his porch looking at her in confusion.

“Darcy?” he calls out, unsure, and Darcy can’t help but let out a bout of relieved laughter.

“Hey Haz,” she responds, her body still shaking with nerves as Harry fully emerges from the house, shutting the door behind him quickly before making his way down the path towards her, still looking worried and disbelieving like she might just disappear at any given moment.

“Darcy, what are you doing here? Are you okay?”

Darcy nods quickly. “Yes, yes I’m fine, I just. I had to tell you something and it couldn’t wait.”

“You came all the way from London on Christmas Eve to tell me something?” Harry asks slowly, and when Darcy gives a hesitant nod, a soft smile works its way across his face. “It must be something pretty important then.”

“You could say that,” Darcy says weakly, trying to return the smile but feeling her heart catch in her throat. “I just… Bear with me, yeah? A lot of what I’m about to say probably won’t make any sense but I promise there’s a point to all of this.”

Harry smiles wider before nodding. “Take whatever time you need.”

“Right, okay,” Darcy responds before breathing deeply. “Harry Styles, when I met you, I told myself no and that’s how I knew you were different. Because I never tell myself no, I’m a very big believer in not denying myself the things I want. But you just looked so well put together and I felt like getting caught up in you could be dangerous for the both of us. However, eventually my resolve broke and I thought I could control us, keep us following the rules and keep things simple but I don’t think anything really ever is. The thing I never told you was that I wanted you just as bad as you wanted me and that scared me, Harry. I was terrified because you made me want things I’ve never wanted, things like commitment and a relationship and to belong to somebody. I felt suffocated and that fear caused me to lash out, to lash out at you in the form of pushing you away.

I’ve been reflecting back on the way I treated you those last few times we were together, and I’m angry at myself because you never deserved any of that. You were always so honest with me and I never was. Last night, when you came over, I found myself wanting to say so many things to you. I wanted you to know how much I cared about you even when I pretended I didn’t, and how much I wanted you when I said I wouldn’t. It was stupid to keep all those things hidden from you and from myself too. Because the thing is, you made me fall in love with you. Someone told me that we only really fall in love with someone when we see every side of them, good, bad, ugly and I think they’re right. We saw each other in every different colour and shade of us that there is and we had no other way but to fall in love.”

Darcy pauses, only noticing at that moment she’s crying and Harry’s eyes are wet too. “I know this is all come far too late but I had to tell you, had to let you know. But now I’m afraid because I don’t know what comes next. I don’t know if I can be that person you want me to be, you know? I’m not good at this relationship stuff and I’ll probably disappoint you more than anything but all I really know is that I want to try, for you. I want to be with you and no matter how crushingly terrifying it is to say that out loud, I still stand by that. Because I want you Harry, every side of you in every way.”

With everything she had to say said, Darcy stops and waits as time stretches on between them. The longer the pause, the more anxious Darcy becomes because if Harry felt the same, surely he would’ve said something by now? With a sinking heart, Darcy wonders if maybe he’s trying to think of a way to let her down gently and it begins to appear to her that maybe she’s too late.

“Anytime you wanna say something, um, that would be great,” Darcy tries, and she can’t even bring herself to put on an easy-going smile as Harry continues to stand there, looking stunned.

“Christ,” Harry breathes out, lowly, but he’s smiling too. “Darcy, I just – you love me? You really love me?”

Darcy’s laughing now but it’s more due to pent-up anxiety than actually amusement. “Do you want to hear it in French? Je t’aime! Yes, you dunce, and please don’t tell me I actually admitted all that just for you to tell me I’m too late.”

Harry shakes his head furiously, moving forward to trudge through the snow and place his gloved hands on Darcy’s cold cheeks, wiping away at the tear tracks with a grin. “No, no, you not too late, not at all. I’m just in awe, I never – I never thought I’d hear you say those words and now that you have, it’s amazing. Brilliant.”

“I’m sorry it took so long,” Darcy whispers, heart fluttering at their closeness. “I’m a bit emotionally constipated when it comes to feelings and it took me a while to sort myself out.”

Harry laughs at this, his eyes growing fond. “The fact that you can use the word constipated and have it still be romantic lets me know I’ve picked the right person to fall for,” Harry grins, his thumbs still stroking Darcy’s cheeks. “Darcy, god, you always have this way of surprising me, over and over, even when I think there’s nothing more you could possibly do to catch me off guard.”

“It’s a talent,” Darcy says with a shrug, smiling because things are okay now.

“One you exceed at,” Harry agrees affectionately before looking a little more sombre. “I’ve always had this thing about falling in love quickly and everyone’s always told me it’ll get me in trouble or hurt. I knew from the minute I met you I’d fall for you and I guess I just accepted the fact that you were going to hurt me, even if you didn’t know it yet. I told myself that even if I did get hurt, at least it would be by you and somehow that made things alright. I know this must be so hard for you Darcy, I know how much this all scares you but we can do this together, yeah? We can work this out.”

“I might be bad at it, Harry,” Darcy murmurs apologetically. “I may just be the worst girlfriend you’ve ever had. I’ll probably forget dates and cook you your least favourite food and ignore your calls sometimes and never remember to consider your feelings on certain things because I’ve spent my whole life only having to worry about myself. I don’t know if I can do it for two people.”

Harry shakes his head. ‘It doesn’t matter, it doesn’t. I’m not in love with you because you’re perfect; I’m in love with you because you’re not. And yeah, maybe there will be times where you do things that upset me or make me angry but you’ve got to remember I’m going to do it too. We can work it out together, that’s what it means to be in a relationship. To always have someone on your side who cares about you no matter what.”

“You’ll probably be regretting those words sometime soon, Styles,” Darcy teases, giggling when Harry shrugs. “Okay well as long as you know what you’re getting into.”

“I think I do, yeah,” Harry grins, his hands leaving Darcy’s face to rest gently on her hips, bringing her in close. “So we’re doing this then? You want to be with me?”

Darcy nods quickly, bumping her nose against Harry’s with a smile. “Yeah, I really do. I don’t know how you managed it Harry, but you got me. You got me.”

Harry flashes her that dimpled smile and then he’s pulling her in for a kiss which Darcy can’t refuse. She responds instantly, her arms coming around Harry’s neck to bring him impossibly closer. There are so many emotions rushing through Darcy she feels as though she’ll explode, relief, happiness, safety, and above all, love. When they pull back, panting slightly, neither of them let go of one another, wanting to remain close.

“You know,” Darcy begins with a little smile. “You’re rather wise for your age, kiddo.”

Harry groans at this. “I cannot believe you’re going back to the whole kid thing, especially after I just kissed you!”

Darcy’s about to respond when the front door opens again, capturing both herself and Harry in the slanted light and there’s a brunette woman with kind eyes standing there, looking as confused as Harry did earlier.

“Uh, Harry? Everything alright?” The woman asks slowly, eyes flickering to Darcy. “Oh, who’s this?”

“Well mum,” Harry says, turning to face his mother while his hand moves down to clasp Darcy’s tight. “This is Darcy, my, uh, my girlfriend.”

Darcy can’t help her smile at the term while Harry’s mother just looks delightfully surprised. “Oh! Oh how wonderful! Darcy, it’s lovely to meet you, I’m Anne.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you too, Anne, I’m sorry for intruding on your Christmas Eve,” Darcy replies, suddenly feeling a little guilty for dragging Harry away from his family but Anne’s smiling, waving her hands about dismissively.

“Nonsense, the more the merrier! Dinner’s just about to be served so come inside, come, come, it’s freezing out here! I’m surprised you two haven’t turned into icicles yet,” Anne laughs. “And Harry, help Darcy with her bag, will you? There’s my boy.”

Harry nods, unable to hide the smile on his face as he turns to Darcy and squeezes her hand. “This might be a bit forward but uh, wanna meet my family?”

“You’re ridiculous,” Darcy laughs, nodding. “I think I can handle it.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Darcy confirms, and Harry leans forward to kiss her forehead before leaning down to grab her suitcase. Darcy shuffles up the path toward the porch and Anne immediately takes the girl under her arm, brushing off the built-up snow from her coat and beginning to chat to her as she leads her inside. Harry slows down a little to watch the two of them and he feels a warmth spread through his chest at the sight.

Later that night, once all the introductions are over and everybody’s gained an extra few pounds from the delicious dinner, Harry manages to get Darcy alone for a few minutes, sneaking a kiss in the kitchen when they’re meant to be helping with dishes.

“Best Christmas ever,” Harry whispers against her lips, and Darcy agrees with another kiss.