A Fading Memory

"No Sean, you don't understand!" Christian protested, reaching out to stroke my cheek. I shoved him away, suddenly feeling the cold whip over my skin. I tugged my jeans back on, not bothering with my boxers. I slipped my hoodie over my shoulders and zipped it up, flipping the hood up to keep the warmth in.

"Christian, my little brother is suffering because of you! I haven't slept properly like a normal guy in weeks! Why?! What the fuck is wrong with you?!" I screamed. Chris hung his head and slipped his boxers back up his overly-perfect legs. He was too perfect. He's just a glass eyed doll made of plastic.

"Sean, I just wanted to show you how much I suffered... " He replied softly. The anger inside me was at boiling point, I wanted to rip out his throat and let the crows have his fucking eyes, but he was already dead.

"Why Jay?!? Why didn't you send Aled after me?! What the fuck has Jay done?!?" I screeched, tears forming in my eyes. Chris crawled over to me and wrapped his arms around me. I didn't protest, hiding my face in his broken collar bone and crying into him. "You scared me, you hurt me and Jay and Stella, don't you see?"

He didn't answer for a long time. "Because I laid eyes on you and saw perfection." He said slowly, his voice breaking. "I didn't know how else to manifest myself." I laughed and shoved him away again.

"Why can’t you be fucking normal?! Come on Chris, I'm not stupid." I stood up and went to walk away.

"A-ha Sean, you're forgetting something. You made me up to hurt yourself." He said smugly, his annoying nervous confidence returning. I looked back, and suddenly I could see through Chris’ perfections and I could see myself.

An overwhelming sensation of dread and depression came over me. The freezing wind wrapped around me again dragging me to the darkest corners of my mind. All the murderous nightmares, all the sinister faces, all the disembodied voices. They weren't real, but were they? I wanted to kill, I wanted to destroy anything I could. A scream ripped across the valley, Mam's scream. Drowning in smoke and fire, clinging to her husband. Dad's voice, desperately trying to get Stella to let go and run. They were old, frail, weak. Stella's scream, the crunching of the roof caving in, the crushing of bones. The firemen's shouts, the arms around my waist. The man holding onto Stella, the men trying to free Mam and Dad. Then fresh air, daylight. Then the nightmares, the voices and faces. Then Chris.

I started to cry again, seeing the very same things in Chris. His parents died in a fire, so did his sisters and his brothers. He was dragging me into the darkness, because he wanted someone to be with him. And I wanted someone to be with me. I stumbled towards him and collapsed into his arms. He kissed me tenderly, wiping tears from my eyes in a loving manner he perfected.

"You see now? We're just alike. I am you and you are me." He whispered, taking my hands. "And you don't have to put up with this pain anymore, you know what to do.

Chris had complete control over my mind, as if he has possessed my body and displaced my thoughts. I stood up, my legs shaking with every step I took. The fear began to rise in my stomach, but reasoning became clearer. I'd become an insane, crawling creature living just to exist. I could be with Chris if I did this. Stella wouldn't miss me, she doesn't have many feelings anymore. Aled would stop beating Jay, Chris would get what he wants. Everyone would be happy.

I stood over the edge and smiled. The cars were rushing past, the engines roaring with the wind. If the fall didn't kill me, a car would. Chris stood by my side and took my hand, wiping more tears from my eyes.

"God bless catastrophe." He chuckled and kissed my cheek softly. "Together, 3, 2, 1."