Naughts & Crosses

Cassidy’s stare was unmoving. Time kind of stood still, for all except for Kellin, who had no idea what was going on. He grabbed at my wrist though, begging for me to tell him who was there or if they were in trouble or something. And obviously, we were. The nurse took a few steps in to the room with her arms crossed.

“What’s going on here?” she asked, coming up behind us.

“Nothing,” Kellin answered quickly when he realized exactly who had just walked in on them. “We’re just playing the piano together, is that not alright?”

She took a few steps more behind us. “I saw you kissing, and I’ll have you know that patients are not to be engaging in such sort of contact. You two will be kept separate from now on.”

Kellin immediately stood up, nearly falling over in the process. “Why? We’re friends, he’s the only one that’s actually tried to helped me around here so far. Why keep us separated? That’s so stupid.”

She crossed her arms and frowned at him. Shaking her head, she grabbed his arm to start leading him out of the room. I quickly got up too, unsure of what to do. It’s not like I could say anything.

“Kellin, these are the policies. You’re going to have to come with me now. You’ll be given a new room, away from Vic’s.”

—-

If I wasn’t completely bandaged up, my eyes would be staring up at the ceiling right now. Cassidy gave me a new room. No room mate. She said it was set up the exact same why my old one with Vic was, so I should be able to find my way around. My blind man’s cane was by my side. I’ve really grown to hate this thing; I can’t wait to chuck it at that fucking nurse’s face on my way out.

Which, by the way, is sooner than I thought. Two days, I think. I don’t know - the doctor who looked at my eyes said the swelling had gone down faster than we thought it would. I guess it was bittersweet.

I mean, don’t get me wrong. I want out, right the fuck now. But I was going to miss him. Not just because he was my best friend here, but because of how tenderly he kissed me, how eagerly he helped me and how gently he touched me… Sitting here in bed, even knowing he was just down the hall, I missed Vic a lot more than I thought I would.

Did he miss me as well? The thought tortured my mind. I clutched at the cane. I mean, I had an idea, but it probably wouldn’t work. How late was it? I know I skipped dinner, because Cassidy came to get me and I didn’t move. That had to have been hours ago.

That was one thing I truly despised - I can’t look at a clock, I have to ask people for the time whenever I want to know. And I’m the type of person that goes crazy not knowing what time it is.

Sighing, I made up my mind and sat up. My cane clacked to the ground as I swung my legs over the side of the bed. “Fuck,” I muttered as I felt around on the floor for it. It didn’t take long and I was back on my feet in seconds, taking a deep breath before feeling around for the door. I opened it as quietly as I could and stepped outside, praying that no one was watching or out there or… anything, really.

I started walking down the hall, the cane out in front of me. My free hand was trailing along the wall, feeling for the room numbers. I don’t know brail and don’t want to, but I made a point of memorizing what the numbers on my room felt like. I just had to get the right combination of dots, and then I knew I’d be in the right place.

They never locked the doors here at night. At first I had been uncomfortable with that fact, but now I was grateful for it as my hand turned the knob on the door and I pushed it open, praying I had found the right room.

“Vic?” I whispered blindly. “Are you there?”

I waited for a moment, and I thought that maybe he was either asleep, or it wasn’t him after all. Until I heard it - a slap. On a mattress.

“Vic,” I smiled, stepping in and shutting the door behind me. I heard someone shuffling out of a bed, followed by soft footsteps that were easy to hear in the silence.

‘It’s so late, Kellin, did you sneak out?’ he asked me, the familiar tapping feeling taking over my upper arm.

“Of course I did. I missed you,” I answered it.

I bet he was smiling. He pulled me in to his embrace, holding me tightly. I sank in to him, inhaling his smell and burying my face in his neck and shoulder. He pulled back just a tiny bit, and the next second I felt his lips pressing against mine. I melted in to his touch… damn, we’d only been apart for a few hours and just… look at how attached I am.

“What do we do, Vic? I don’t want to not be around you for my last few days here.” I didn’t bring up the fact that I was going to be leaving, because he had no idea where I Was going and well, I don’t really know whereabouts he lived.

‘I’ll sneak out to see you tomorrow night. For now, let’s just enjoy each other? I mean, I don’t want to get you in anymore trouble,’ he told me. I felt his hand slide down my arm and grab my hand, pulling me over. I trusted him, so I went with it.

He ended up pulling me down on to his bed. I was lying next to him, his arms around my waist, pulling me close.

“I don’t mind getting in trouble for you,” I whispered. “Also, what time is it?”

I heard the shuffle of a head turning on a pillow as he looked at the clock. ‘It’s just past midnight. And no, I don’t want them to kick you out or anything.’

“I WANT to be kicked out at this point,” I admitted. “I mean, I’d miss you. Fuck, I like you a lot Vic,” I said, lurching my head forward and putting my hand out to cup his cheek. I kissed him, happy I didn’t miss or anything. He pressed his lips harder in to mine, deepening the kiss just like we had done earlier before Cassidy walked in.

Thing is, she didn’t walk in this time. I took a deep breath, letting myself slide in to the moment with Vic. I felt so relaxed and well … happy around him. He giggled softly - I could feel his chest shaking a little - and shifted so that he was lying half on top of me. His tongue found its way in to my mouth and I let my hands slide up his back to his neck to his soft hair. It was long - it must fall to his shoulders.

It crossed my mind that I didn’t know what he looked like. But he was such a good kisser that there was just no way he was remotely unattractive. And if he was, well, I don’t care. I like this guy. I tangled my hand in his hair, pulling on it slightly. He grinned in to our kiss, making me smile right back at him

‘I like you a lot,’ he tapped on to my shoulder. ‘More than I thought I would, Kellin.’

“I like you a lot more than I thought I would too, Vic,” I admitted. He kissed me again and shifted to lay down with his arms around me. I wanted so desperately to fall asleep there with his arms around me. I felt so safe and so warm, but I knew we’d get caught in the morning.

Still, I allowed myself to stay for a little while though. God knows what would happen tomorrow; if we would even be able to be in the same room together. Cassidy seemed pretty pissed off by the broken rule.

“Are you still awake?” I asked him. He tapped out a weak response and I knew he was falling asleep. “Come on, I can’t fall asleep here Vic, we’ll get in even more trouble.

He nodded his head and I felt him lift himself up. ‘Let me walk you back,’ he tapped.

“Okay,” I said, only because I wanted to maximize my time with him. We crawled out of bed at such a slow pace and went back to the door. I nearly forgot my cane in his room, but he grabbed it and pressed it in to my hand. We laced up our fingers as we started to walk back to my room, getting there much too soon.

“Goodnight,” I whispered. He was standing in front of me. I could feel his warm breath on my nose, although he breathed so softly and quietly. “I’ll see- well, you know what I mean. I’ll be near you again tomorrow, Vic. And I’ll miss you til then.”

He laughed at my little joke in that voiceless way that he had. ‘Goodnight Kellin.’

He leaned down to kiss me, leaving my tummy full of butterflies. Oh, how I loved this feeling, especially when he was the one giving it to me. I didn’t realize just how excited I was for tomorrow until I felt him begin to slip away with one final kiss. I was left standing outside my door, nothing but cold air in front of me, and a yearning for a boy that I’d never even seen before.

Sighing, I thought to myself that this was the happiest I’d been since I’ve gone blind.

—

When the morning came there was no help for me in to the bathroom or out of the room in to the cafeteria. I had to do it all myself… which was not only time consuming, but frustrating. As much as I hated to depend on people, I hated it even more when there was no one there to depend on.

I dropped my conditioner in the shower and banged my knee on the door. I almost slammed in to a wall, but I put my hand out just in time.

If it weren’t for the silence that followed the opening of the door I would have strangled myself. But no, Vic had come for me, just to walk me to breakfast, and to greet me with a good morning kiss. Which was risky - Cassidy could walk by us at any second and force us apart once more.

‘I have something to tell you,’ said Vic as we were walking. He set us off at a slow pace.

“Whats up?” I asked, squeezing his hand.

‘I may be leaving sooner than I thought Kellin. My throat barely hurts. They’re going to make me talk soon. And as soon as that happens, I’m out of here and in to voice lessons.’

His words were gently poked in to my shoulder, but they hit my like a sack of rocks. I mean, I knew the day would come. But so soon? Well, shit. “How soon?” I asked.

‘Maybe tomorrow. Maybe later. I don’t know.’

I nodded my head in understanding. But what could I do?

“Hey! What are you two doing together again?!” Cassidy’s voice rang out behind us and I frowned and dropped Vic’s hand.

“We aren’t doing anything!” I shouted at her. “And why are you such a bitch anyways?! God I hate this place!” I threw my hands up, probably nearly hitting things with my cane as I did so and stormed off in the direction of the cafeteria. Whether or not Vic and Cassidy were following close behind me I didn’t know, and I didn’t care. I was beyond done with this place.

When I got to the cafeteria, I guess luck had me in mind.

“Kellin,” came a familiar voice. “Come on, we’re over here.” Matty grabbed my arm and pulled me to where he and Louis were sitting.

“Morning mate,” came the British accent.

“Hi,” I said, my voice flat. Vic was probably trailing behind or something, who knows. Cassidy might even be yelling at me, which wasn’t fair because he couldn’t exactly yell back like I could. God I hate her.

“You sound cheery,” commented Matty.

I wanted to kick him, but obviously I couldn’t, so I just shrugged my shoulders and crossed me arms. Usually Vic would get my food, but since he wasn’t allowed near me, I guess I came here to starve. At least, I thought that til I heard the sound of a plastic tray being placed down in front of me.

“Enjoy,” Cassidy said rudely. I raised my middle finger in the general direction of her voice.

“Fighting with her again, eh?” said Louis.

“You have no idea.”

“Does it have to do with Vic?”

I turned my head in Matty’s direction and frowned. How did he know? “Uh… yeah, actually,” I decided to admit. “She won’t… she separated us.”

“Because its against policies or some bullshit, right?” asked Louis. I nodded my head briskly. “We could tell something was going on by the way he looked at you, mate,” said Louis, probably with a smirk. I could picture one on his face by the way he was talking. “And well, there isn’t much to do about it but wait til you get out, you know?”

“Yeah,” I agreed. “I know.”

—

It seemed to take ages for the night to finally get here. I even actually went to lunch and dinner for the hope of maybe finding Vic, but seeing as I couldn’t really find him, it was hopeless. I figured Cassidy was keeping him awake. But I counted the minutes in my head and I knew it had to be getting close to midnight and he would be here soon, just like he said last night.

The minutes ticked by, not sight of him. God, I’m sounding desperate, but I miss him. I couldn’t believe my luck, getting stuck with a guy like him. I sighed and buried my face in my pillow. This was getting ridiculous.

Fuck Cassidy for keeping us apart. It wasn’t fair, not allowing us to have a little bit of happiness. Like obviously everyone in this whole damn building is fucking miserable, might as well make them as unhappy as possible right?

And where the hell was he?! It had to be getting late, and I was getting worried… maybe he wasn’t coming?

Maybe he decided I wasn’t worth it…?

No, that was horrible thought to have and I refuse to think it. I grabbed for my cane, nearly knocking it to the floor again in my haste as I toppled out of bed. Fine, if he wasn’t going to come for me, I was going to go to him because I personally didn’t care if I got in trouble. How could they even control me like this? Aren’t they supposed to be serving me? Damn it, the fuck am I paying for?

I stepped out in to the hall, careful not to make too much noise. The cane hitting the wall must have made a bit of a racket though, but I don’t think anyone that wasn’t blind would have noticed. Your hearing gets better when you can see ,considering its all you’ve got to notice whats around you.

When I got to Vic’s room, my breath caught in my throat. He would be in there… I let my hand slip to the door knob as a smile crept up my lips.

“He’s not there, Kellin,” said a voice I wasn’t expecting.

I turned, frowning. “Doctor?” I asked.

“Cassidy told me about the situation. I guess I’m not surprised to see you here,” said the doctor - the one that had given me fresh bandages.

“What are you doing here then? And well, where is he?” I asked, confusion and fear clouding my mind.

He hesitated in his answer and I heard him scuff his feet on the ground. “I had a call to check on a patient that was having troubles. Vic as gone back home. He no longer needs our treatment. That happens often - patients released a lot earlier than needed.”

My heart sank. Gone? I didn’t even have a number to call - I had meant to ask for one when he came to see me tonight. I didn’t bother saying anything to the doctor, I just turned and ran down the hall as fast as I could.