Saving Alice
Shop Windows
It wasn't a long walk from the mans house to my apartment, once I realized where I actually was. Really it was just a few blocks away, and the cool air felt nice as it danced across my skin. Shop windows reflected me as I passed. I kept my eyes on the ground. I would not look and see that girl again. To me she was nonexistent anymore.
I remember once I could look at my reflection and not gag. I wouldn't feel hatred well up inside me. I would see a girl with dark hair, blue eyes. No bones, no sadness. Strong and happy. Confident. Unafraid.
Then I would see a man behind me. Tan skin. Brown eyes that hid anger deep inside him. Large hands. Hands that I had felt against my face so many times. Sometimes it was a caress, sometimes a hit. This man was beautiful and he was ugly. He was angry and he was not. He loved me but he didn't. He's the man that chased the old reflection away, replacing her with the knew, destroyed woman that I see in every mirror and shop window I pass. Sometimes I swear, I see him over her shoulder too. But I try not to look.
I walked up the fire escape stairs to my door. Twisting and jerking the knob until it opened and let me in. The apartment on the other side wasn't nice, but it wasn't bad. In the main room there was just a futon, a table, a chair and a mini fridge. Life of a queen, I thought sourly to myself as I made my way to the bathroom. I pulled my clothes off and threw my dress over the mirror. Damned mirrors. They were everywhere today. I turned the shower on and jumped in, not waiting to feel the temperature.
The water burned against my skin as I clawed my fingers through my hair and down my face. I was scrubbing as if I were covered in acid. I felt almost as though I were.
I remember once I could look at my reflection and not gag. I wouldn't feel hatred well up inside me. I would see a girl with dark hair, blue eyes. No bones, no sadness. Strong and happy. Confident. Unafraid.
Then I would see a man behind me. Tan skin. Brown eyes that hid anger deep inside him. Large hands. Hands that I had felt against my face so many times. Sometimes it was a caress, sometimes a hit. This man was beautiful and he was ugly. He was angry and he was not. He loved me but he didn't. He's the man that chased the old reflection away, replacing her with the knew, destroyed woman that I see in every mirror and shop window I pass. Sometimes I swear, I see him over her shoulder too. But I try not to look.
I walked up the fire escape stairs to my door. Twisting and jerking the knob until it opened and let me in. The apartment on the other side wasn't nice, but it wasn't bad. In the main room there was just a futon, a table, a chair and a mini fridge. Life of a queen, I thought sourly to myself as I made my way to the bathroom. I pulled my clothes off and threw my dress over the mirror. Damned mirrors. They were everywhere today. I turned the shower on and jumped in, not waiting to feel the temperature.
The water burned against my skin as I clawed my fingers through my hair and down my face. I was scrubbing as if I were covered in acid. I felt almost as though I were.