Die for Her

I half ran, half walked across the huge room with all of the mirror which lead to Melanie's place, not taking on any passerby's or anyone who tried to talk with me. I wasn't in the mood, I had to get away. I needed to talk to her, be with her, discuss this with her and figure out what the hell was going on! But I was running now, running too fast. As if, that part of me was avoiding telling her. As if, part of me wanted to turn back and not tell her any of this. But where would I go? I couldn't go back to Ian. Not now. I had to get away, be somewhere by myself and I knew a place. Where Ian had taken me all of those months ago. One of the only places here where I felt... well, like me. I suppose. One of the only places where I had memories that would last a lifetime. No. A million, trillion years! I wasn't exaggerating. Well, maybe a little but if I could live that long, I'm 100% sure those memories would stick with me...

The faster I ran, the more vivid, the more perfect, the more... memorable the memories became to me. Not just that one day. No. But so many! So many perfect, indestructible yet unusual memories overwhelmed me! I mean, what are the chances that a soul like me, an alien, a parasite, got two amazing humans to fall slightly in love with her? I mean, Ian, it was more than slightly. I loved him with all of my heart and I always will but with Jared, one of the reasons he loved me, was because of the body I had but there was something. Something about the way he was with me those last few days whilst I was still in her body. It seemed, for the first time ever, he kind of liked me for me. When he kissed me, just before I ran to Doc's room, too fast to change my mind, he seemed sure about it. As if, he actually liked me a little. I don't mean in the love way. Or maybe I do. I really don't know. It was all so confusing! But there was something. That I was sure of and I guess that's why some of mine and his memories collided in this perfect little display I had forming in my head. I didn't love him in the way I loved Ian. No, not like that but I did love him. I loved him and a part of me still does and that was part of the reason I did what I did...

I stopped in my tracks, still in the huge room with all the mirrors and before I knew it the lights all went black and the world around me seemed to turn. I didn't know that I was now lying on the ground. Unconscious. Not until I woke up in Doc's room later on that day. I must have been out quite a few hours, which is pretty bad seeing as I weren't ill or maturing from a new host like that time with the healer. I didn't faint then, I know but I sort of slept longer that I'd been used to, which I think was expected under the circumstances. "Wanda? Are you okay? We've been worried sick!" I heard someone shouting. Wow. Was I that bad? Was I that bad that I didn't know who's voice was whose anymore? Or maybe it was just the panic fading. Yeah, maybe that was it. I opened my eyes, only to see half of the human population there. If you didn't get that, that was sarcasm folks. By this, I mean that there was at least a dozen or so humans stood around my cot. Brilliant..

Someone walked over to me and put a hand on my head. I think it was... Ian? Yeah, him and then he leaned in closer to me. At first, I was curious of what he was doing but then he placed his lips near my ear and softly whispered something. It was a little muffled, kind of like when you have a cold or just feel plain ill. But I heard it well enough. "I love you, Wanda" he said and then leaned away to look into my very confused eyes. "Who the hell was Wanda?" I remember thinking to myself. What had happened to me? I was so confused? Why did I know this man and why did he make my heart race and my palms sweat? I could have sworn that I'd never seen him ever before! I finally braced myself and plucked up the courage to speak, my voice scared and timid what with all the confusion around me. What the hell was going on? "Who am I?" I asked myself in my head. I was still so very confused...

"Who?" I asked stiffly, still confused by the bundle of weirdly recognizable faces stood around my cot. Who were they? Why were they here? But more importantly, why did I know them? Or why did I think a part of me knew them? I could have sworn that I'd never seen any of these people in my life! Everyone around this cot I lay in suddenly gasped, everyone apart from the wise looking man stood near the entrance of this... this unusual, yet again recognizable room. Something told me that he was called... called... Jeb! That was it. But why? Why did I even know that? I shouldn't know his name! He wasn't a soul! He was the alien! They all were! All that I remembered, right there and then, was when I entered in on all of them slaughtering those poor souls. The adult and the baby one. They were evil, murderous creatures! I despised them but what I hated most about all of this, was that a part of me was telling myself to love them! What on Earth? Why? Why after all the pain and suffering they've caused? I hated them yet I loved them! How weird, how unusual...

"Wanda?" I heard another aggravatingly familiar voice ask from behind me? Was that right? She, yes it was a girl I think, was playing with my hair! What? This angered me so much! Why? Why did they insist on playing weird mind games on me like this? This is why humans were classed as ruthless, evil beings. Damn it! "I said, who the hell is Wanda?" I shouted, anger rising in my unusually weak voice. Who were these people? Why did they insist on interrogating me about this Wanda person? I didn't know but I sure was going to find out! It was only when the man names Ian and the other... what was his name? Oh! That's it. It's name was Jared. Again, I leaned forward with curiosity when I learnt his name. Were these people magicians or something? Making you feel these weird, unusual emotions for no reason at all? Why did I yet again, let myself get attracted to this man? It was like my weird attraction to that Ian only dimmer. Not as much as a spark as the other. What was this? What was happening to me? I hated not knowing anything! The girl behind me, the one who had aggravated me by stroking my hair so carefully it was suspicious, then gasped in shock after my question hit her. She choked down what sounded like tears in her voice and then spoke again, "I love you!" A shiver went through my body, well, this host's body when she said this. Why did I suddenly feel warm and fuzzy inside? Why did this touch me? Touch my heart? Why did I yearn for more kind, loving words? Who was this girl? "You know who she is!" My question, that no one else could have possible heard, had somehow been answered! How? Why? What? What was going on? I gulped, afraid of this mind reader and searched the room for the culprit. No one seemed to follow on their remark, which made me think, foolishly believe, that the voice had came from within me...

Ian, the man who my body was telling me I loved in some weird, unhealthy way was walking over to me. When he reached to the foot of my cot, I suddenly felt butterflies deep within my stomach. What was this? I was slightly alarmed when I heard him go from calm to angry in a matter of seconds. He turned to face everyone around my cot and ordered "get out! Now!" Everyone did as he said almost immediately, even Jeb who looked like the one in charge walked away in the end and the only ones who drifted slowly towards the exit were the girl, Melanie and the man, Jared. The boy in my head who's name was... Jamie, I think, wasn't here at the moment. Which made a part of me sad. Which again was unusual. After everyone, including Melanie and Jared had left, it was just me and this Ian. He spoke again, less aggravated this time and tried to remain calm, "I-I, don't get this, Wanda." He looked around the room, disappointment in his eyes and looked back to me. I saw the tears that he wept now and a part of me wept them with him. Here, inside this heart I must actually have. It was all weird to me and I was just so confused. "Neither do I! But I'm not Wanda! I don't even know that name-" He shook his head, disagreeing with my statement. Obviously. "No. You do know it. It's your name!" I shook my head, quite angry now. I spoke slowly so he'd get the message, "No. I. Am. Not!" He turned around, still aggravated by my words and then spun back around to see me again. A mixture of anger, pain, fear and heartbreak in his eyes. For some reason, I felt obliged to kiss him and make him feel happy again. But why? Why did I love him? "Because, he helped us! Why is this happening to us? To me!" I heard again, the voice and my assumptions of the voice being in my head were confirmed when I realized that this voice was in fact a girl's voice. Obviously, not his...

His eyes suddenly turned curious now, as he eyes up the expression on my face. He knew! He knew that I wasn't right. That I was... lost. What would he do? Kill me? Or us, whoever that person in my head is anyway. "I'm you!" she shouted again. This was getting weird now. Who was she and how was she in my head? The voice sounded quite similar. Like... like mine! The voice was mine! Had I gone mad? Was this real? Was I real? What the hell was happening to me? It was only when his empowering, soft, enchanting lips touched against my lips when I realized that I did actually love him. What was this? I kept asking myself the same unanswerable questions but yet none of the answers were confirmed. I was so lost. I couldn't think straight. I wanted him. I needed him. But why? What had happened? Why had I forgotten everything? This was so... so unusual. I was trapped, in this crazy, nonsense filled world yet I loved him still. I loved this moment. I loved his body tight against mine. Again, I heard the voice alarm me once more. "Of course you love it, silly. This is you! This is your body and you love him. Don't ever forget that. I'm confused, I'll admit. But this just has to pass! It has too..." He pulled away from me with a sudden jerk and I suddenly realized that the voice was right! I did love him, as I hated the part when he pulled away from me. I hated the fact that I could not be with him forever. I hated the fact that i'd thought those horrible, infectious thoughts earlier. I hated the fact that I didn't believe in my love for him...

"Wanda?" he asked again, a sudden emerge of hope glinted in his sky blue eyes. I shook my head, ashamed for a number of reasons. One of them being because I let myself get so... confused and another being because I'd forgotten how I loved him so. "I'm scared, I'm scared Ian!" I almost screeched at him but it was true. I was scared. Petrified. Only because I hadn't a clue of what was going on inside and outside of my head. Inside, I kept hearing my own voice, but she was kinder and on the outside, I just felt confused and it obviously showed. "Shh! Don't be. I'm here, it'll be okay Wanda, I love you and yeah, I don't get it either but we'll figure this out. Together." I looked back at him now and looked deep into his eyes, he slid his hand into mine and squeezed it tight. "Together" I promised and looked away. Afraid, of what was about to come...