Die for Her

Ian glared at me, as if I had just turned into a ghost or something and snarled when he drew his eyes away from my un-surprised face and back at the scar. I took a step back from him as he did this, afraid he was going to yank me away like he usually did. I know that he did this because he cared and wanted me to be safe, but there was no way to reverse what I'd done, so there was no point in trying to. I just looked away from his hurt, disbelieving face and turned to Melanie and Jared, who also wore the same worried, disappointed look on their faces. "Why? How? But..." Jared trailed on, shocked, just like the others and having no idea how to phrase all of the things he wanted to say or ask. Ian seemed to have the same problem, he kept preparing himself, as if ready to ask me something or tell me what I had done wrong here, but he always withdrew this urge to talk to me. It was as if they were mad at me. Well, they were going to be weren't they? I had lied to them all, all along and now, I deserved their resentment. It was only Melanie, Melanie, who was my sister and a part of me now, who spoke up. "How did you...." I caught her off-guard, answering her question before she could even finish it. Or maybe I was just expecting it. A bit of both really. "How did I do it? Good question" I paused, looking around at all three of their anxious, worried yet distraught faces, "but dear Melanie, I have already answered your question." This was true, technically. I had answered her question, I told her that we were still connected. Still equals. Still the same and this is exactly why I could and did do what I did...
She obviously seemed quite puzzled by this, which was expected really. So I explained further, without needing her asking me again for a clearer answer. "I told you, that we were connected didn't I?" I asked her, knowing I wouldn't get an answer, I carried on, "well..." Could I tell her? I mean, them. Could I tell them all everything I've known for goodness knows how long? Could I keep this secret keeping up? Could I keep hiding from their worried questions and tormenting hurt when they saw me dying? Because, sadly enough, it would soon come to that. They didn't know any of this. This would come as a shock to them, quite expectantly and I would be at blame. I could ruin Ian and hurt my sister. Could I really do that? Would I really do it was the mane question here...
But, say if I didn't tell them, wouldn't that be ten times worse? When the day finally came, when the hours finally came to an end, what would I tell them? Wouldn't it hurt them more to know that I've been dragging them along this entire time? Wouldn't it kill them to see that I've lied to them over and over, telling them that I was al-right? But what else could I do? I either had to tell them right now and face their worrying and hurt until the day when my world would turn black, or, I'd have to keep them thinking that I was okay and everything was just picture perfect, knowing secretly, that soon all that was perfect would be nothing but black ash left in the fireplace after all of the bright, illuminous flames have died. The fire, spitting and twisting with life to begin with, would resemble me. Only to die out, slowly and most probably painfully. That, would be my end and it didn't help, that all the things that could or did distract me from the thought of all of this was in fact probably worse than this! Say for example, when I'd let my mind daydream of me and Ian in the future, our future and how we'd be married and united as one, this would all be ruined by the end circumstance. The circumstance that resulted in our parting. Me...
Also, if I let myself get completely wrapped up in this perfect bond I'm currently a part of with my sister and Jamie, I would only soon come to the conclusion that this too, would soon come to an end. Either, she would have to give up everything again, which purely wasn't fair at all, or, I would have to leave in a way that prevented me from ever returning. The only exit that had a definite no coming back policy. The end that resulted in me not living another life as the parasite I was. The end that meant the real and most final ending of my entire existence. The ending, that resulted in my end. The day, when my eyes would close for the very first time and both collisions of my fantasies and hers would collide once more. Forming an unusual, yet beautiful pattern of strange memories that should have never been combined, but were because of one soul. The soul, who had now split herself in half, to save the life of another. This, final but most beautiful goodbye that'd ever be witnessed in this soul's eyes, would mean a certain end to this soul's existence. But the main question in fact was, was this soul ready to die...?
...

They had all waited long enough to find this out, even though I was surely doubtful, I knew I had to do it. I had to tell them and as the room had two more humans walk in, Jeb and Doc, I decided that now was the time, before things got even more crowded. "Shall I go?" Jeb asked, I could hear, as his voice was muted asking this, that he didn't really want to miss this. So, I just shook my head and turned to Ian, who looked as if he knew what was already coming. It was as if, he'd known all along, but he didn't wish to believe it and as I looked to Jared and Melanie, casually leaning against the other cots, yet a little disturbance lurked in their eyes, I realized that they wore the same expecting look on their faces too. It was as if, they all knew that this was coming for me. My final end, but they just didn't want to admit it to themselves. I guess, I had the very same problem, which now consumed me so much that I just had to tell these kind, honest people the truth. I couldn't lie for any longer. I was done hiding. Done pretending everything was so perfect, because, I now knew in my heart, that it could well be the end. For me and for the friendships I'd made with these one in a kind people. I didn't want to admit it, or even consider it, but now I was ready. I was ready for whatever this life was going to throw at me. I was ready for the possible end to my existence here on Earth. I was ready, to admit the truth and finally be done with lying to these truly beautiful people...

"Well..." I repeated for the second time in this very awkward situation, "god, this is...weird!" I shook my head, trying to phrase it in some way that actually made sense to myself and everyone else stood around me. Ian put a hand on my shoulder and I caught his anxious, yet supportive glance. That kind of gave me the guts to carry through my thoughts. "Okay, take a breath" I remember instructing myself in my head, wanting this awkward moment to be over as soon as possible. "When we parted, we still remained with that... connection" I tried to explain, putting emphasis on the word "connection", but I got to admit, it was very hard to get your head around. "So, we're still the same, in a way that I still don't understand yet but I'm hoping that soon I will" I swallowed hard, trying not to faint with all the eyes glaring at me. It was Doc, who seemed more intrigued than anxious, which was how everyone else but Jeb seemed. Both Doc and Jeb seemed to stay the most subtle throughout this, they were more... eager to find out the technical and knowledge side of things, which was understandable, as they both liked to find out new things. Doc seemed rather confident with his question when he asked me it, but that was expected. He probably already had figured most of what I'd said and thought about it more clearly than the others around me. He was good like that, I guess...

"So, what you're saying, is that she's still inside you?" It was more of a statement, than an actual question, but I answered him anyway as if he didn't already know the answer. I nodded and then went on to answer him, trying to sound as held together as I could manage. "Yes" I heard Melanie sigh, as if she was already expecting this. That's when I knew that she knew it too. She must have heard me in her head as-well, mustn't she? That's what I needed to talk to her for before, but I blacked out before I could reach her. It was as if, I was stopping myself from telling her. As if, both physically and psychologically, I didn't want to tell her any of this, because we both knew how it would end. It now all collided together, as if putting together several pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. The last two pieces, were now me and her, but when we combined into one, then it meant for either us both to live as one person, or for one of us to die. Maybe, we wont even be able to choose which is our fate. Maybe, our fate is still undecided. The thought of her living in the back of my head again, like she was nothing but a memory, sent shivers of both guilt and sorrow down my spine. It was either we both lived on as separate people, or I ended my journey here. The first possibility seemed not very much likely at that moment in time...

I looked back over to Ian, who was covering his mouth with his left hand, obviously taken back by the news. I saw as his look turned from worried, to angry and then to distraught. This broke me up inside, but I had to go through with this. I couldn't stop now, could I? "Do you hear it too?" She new exactly what I meant when I asked her this. Melanie. My one and only sister. How could I have done this? To her? I wish I had deducted myself from her months before I did, that way, no one would have got attached to the unusual parasite that I am. Ian stepped closer to me as I asked her this, but I stopped him in his tracks. Stepping back away from him. I didn't want to be close to anyone at that moment. "Well?" I asked a little too impatient after a few moments of waiting for Melanie to answer, but she was hesitant. I think that she still couldn't face things. Just like I couldn't either. I didn't know at the time, how we'd ever get out of this tricky situation. I think it affected us both more than we ever thought it would...