The Man in the Iron Mask

Loki had gone into great detail about how he knew we’d never work out and that it wasn’t so much about that, our needing to get along. It had more to do with our basic survival.

“I mean look at you; you’re clearly not a goddess,” he’d said, his eyes moving over my body before landing back on my face, watching as I desperately held back the tears that wanted to spill out. He didn’t seem to understand how he’d hurt me and after a little pestering, he left me alone to finish bathing. The bubbles were fast disappearing and I knew he knew so. I may not have been attractive to him but that didn’t seem to stop his wandering eyes. Maybe he was just a jerk. Maybe there was no maybe about it.

I got out of the water, got dressed, and curled up in Loki’s large bed. I felt as he sat down beside me, and I cringed as he thought I was asleep and waved out the candle. I still couldn’t stand the dark on Asgard. It was simply something I’d never get used to. His hand brushed the side of my cheek, I thought by accident, until I heard him sigh and felt as he leaned back onto his pillows. I wanted him to say something. To mutter something. Anything. I wanted some insight into his mind and I got absolutely nothing as he lay down and turned away from me, asleep in what felt like seconds.

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“Are you going to just stare at it then?” Loki snapped, forcing the spoon back into my hand in full view of at least half a dozen others watching on at his emotional avalanche. It took only the tiniest things to set him off, like me not being able to finish eating my soup. “You have 4 mouthfuls left. Why can’t you finish? You’re making me look bad.” I tried to ignore his comments, I really did, but I could feel the burn inside me and it was growing with every word, every sneer, every smirk in my direction. I was certain others could sense what was bound to happen as they continued to watch through eyelashes as Loki took my hand and shoved the spoon into it. Again.

“Loki, I am perfectly capable of knowing when I want more to eat and when I am full.”

“You don’t know anything,” he spat, tossing the spoon across the table where it bounced off and made a racket on the floor in the distance. I watched as a servant scurried over to pick it up, and another came to replace it at the side of my bowl. I felt like screaming at her, but it hadn’t been her fault.

“Brother, you seem agitated today.” Thor’s voice sounded behind us and I noticed the flinch in Loki’s form as his hand fell onto his shoulder in what was meant to be a friendly manner. “Do not take it out on your lady-friend.”

“Don’t tell me what to do!” Loki’s sudden yelling caused silence to fill the room. Thor took a step back. I was still stuck in my chair. They exchanged a glare and Thor walked off shortly after, muttering something to someone which only served to piss Loki off more. I really couldn’t see his problem. I thought maybe he’d had a terrible sleep, but I hadn’t heard him wake at all during the night.

“May I be exc–”

“No you may not be excused. I will tell you when you may go. I have control over this situation.” At that point, I gave up caring what might become of me if Loki’s made-up world collapsed around him. I got up, purposely scraping my chair against the floor as I did so, and left. I could already feel him on my back as I walked, a little faster than usual, on my way out of the room. I wasn’t sure where I was going to go. I didn’t want to be alone with him but being “his”, no one else wanted to be alone with me. It was something I’d come to notice and it was something else to upset me. I wanted to go home.

“How dare you walk away from me–”

“I want to go home, Loki! I hate it here!” Again, silence was all I could hear around me. Loki glanced around, then took me by the arm and pushed me off into a corridor.

“Do you realise what you are doing?” he hissed, his mouth so close I could almost taste him. “You have ruined my story. You have ruined my plan. And for what? Some stupid grudge you hold against me for taking you from home?”

“I can’t live here with you. Like this. You’re going to kill me; I can feel it. It keeps me awake at night.” I watched his face visibly soften as the tears poured down my cheeks in streams, my fear of him finally showing for what it really was. His grip on my arm relaxed a little and he took hold of me by the hand, instead.

“You frustrate me to no end, Madeline. I can’t stand it. I knew you from the beginning of all this to be a woman with a weak mind but you’ve grown out of that. I’ve somehow made you stronger, inside, and I… like it. I respect it. But I don’t know what to do. I can’t keep up appearances if I’m not constantly playing the part. I feel I come across as cruel… I never thought I came across quite that bad. But it was all to keep you believable. Father would be suspicious if I were to want you as you really are. I had to keep you scared. I had to keep you absolutely terrified of me. I know how I come across to other people. I’ve always been seen to want nothing but power.” There was a moment’s silence between us as we took everything in. “You are not the only one who cannot call this place home,” he admitted, closing his eyes and resting his forehead against mine.

“Then take me home,” I whispered, begged, and felt a slight nod in Loki’s movements.

“I had considered it. It has been in my thoughts. But this road back, it is not a safe one…”

“I don’t care.”

“You might think differently once we’re half way. Asgard will start to look much more desirable…”

“Loki, please…” A sigh. Defeat.

”Very well.”