Put On Your War Paint

P.O.V Frank

I slid down to floor my back pressed against the door to the hotel bathroom. I could hear Gerard's slurred voice from my seat on the cold tiles.
"Yo, Mikes pass me a beer" I could picture him making grabby hands like he always does.
"Dude you've had like ten. You don't need anymore" Mikey's low register floated into the small space, I liked Mikey he was kind and soft spoken. He never judged and even when he was miserable his blunt honesty was enough to make you laugh. No matter how many times his brother yelled, hit out, swore or hurt Mikey the kid never flinched once. He was used to it I guess, so was Ray, me on the other hand? I was not. I'd only been with the guys for about a year now and Gerard's drunken temper still managed to reduce me to tears. It wasn't that I was a cry baby or anything it's just that I really like him, ya' know like, like, and his constant yelling hurt. It would be fine if it was only once week but it's not, it's every fucking night! So every night he yells some nasty comments at me and I go and hide in the bathroom silent tears slipping down my face, just like they are now, and the next morning he doesn't remember a thing. Nothing to show for it but a major headache. I on the other hand have got plenty to show, along with the occasional bruises he gives me there are a battalion of cuts, scabs and scars up my legs, arms and stomach. So I sit in absolute silence listening to the back and forth of the guys before wiping the tears away and pulling the blade out of my pocket and pulling up my sleeve. I run it across my skin once, then again and again and suddenlly I've lost it, I'm mangaling the skin on my arm, wildly slicing and sobs are racking my body, loud sobs BANG BANG BANG
"Frank?" I hear Ray's voice through the wood. Fuck fuck fuck fuck
"Uh yeah?" I call back, my voice shaking as I try to stand and make my way to the sink, as I pull myself up my knees give way and I fall back against the door.
"Frank! Dude are you OK?" Now Mikey's yelling
"I'm fine, I just tripped" I lie as I turn on the tap and shove my arm under the cold water wincing as it collides harshly with my open wounds.
"Fraannkiiee" Gerard's voice rings out "Whatcha doin' in there?"
"I'm just..." What do I say? "uhhh... washing"
"Whhhyyy?"
"Because I feel dirty Gerard" Silence. Was it too much? Too reveling? Too close to the truth?
"Well when your done feeling dirty come out and gimmie a beer cos Mikey's bein' a bitch" I roll my eyes as Gerard once again cuts down his brother for trying to be a good person.
"Yeah, Yeah In a sec" I reply tired and light headed. I should really have worn a darker hoodie.
Stepping out of the small room into the view of everyone I felt myself shrink. In the time I'd been with these guys I had managed to come out of my shell and then crawl right back into it again. I feel an arm slide around my shoulders.
"Heeey, F'ankie. I waanna beer" Gerard slurred into my ear. I cringed as the stench of alcohol jumped into my nostrils.
"I think you've had enough, dude" I spoke quietly, hoping he would take it well. He rolled his eyes and pouted. I glanced over at Mikey and Ray, on the couch, for any form of help. Mikes just shook his head as Ray raised his eyebrows at me. So much help guys! I sighed and started to make my way towards my bag. I had a spare can in there somewhere.
"Uhh Frank... what are you doing" Mikey asked frowning at me.
"Getting Gerard another beer" I answered stiffly as I began to crouch.
"No! You idiot! He's had enough fuckin' beer!" Mikey yelled at me.... Mikey yelled, at ME. This is new. I felt the tears begin to well up in my eyes and as if to make matters worse, glancing downwards I noticed dotted patches of blood begin to soak through my hoodie sleeves.
"Fuck" I whispered. The panic rising in my chest.
"What's the matter, man?" Ray questioned coming up behind me.
"Uh... I...uh...I just realised I left my beer in the other bag" I stuttered standing quickly to make my exit. If I could just get to the other room alone I can get my spare hoodie.
"Why are you crying Frank?" Ray cocked his head, fro bouncing lightly as he did.
"I'm not" I practically whispered wiping a tear from under my eye. Mistake. Ray noticed my sleeve. He frowned - penny in the air...- his eyes grew wide and a gasp left his lips - penny drops- he grabbed my wrist making me cry out in pain. At this both Mikey and Gerard rushed over and also gasped as Ray yanked up my sleeve. Busted. I was a mess. My arm was bloody, bleeding. Tears streamed down my face and my legs gave way. suddenly my chest was tight. I can't breathe! I'm dying!....