Status: Done.
Don't End Up Like Me
1/1
Hello? Are you there? Is anyone out there? It is all a jumble of memories, worry, and fear. Regrets mix with happiness. I see all the holes in my apologies long-since passed. I have forgotten the past and have hidden from the future. I am asking you now, from the present, is anyone there? It has occurred to me recently that life is a mundane task we must all suffer through in silence. The end of life is what we really live for. Every one of those endings is different in some way or another. Some are duds. Others are a ravenous black hole that devours everything in their path. Mine was not the cacophony of a tumbling building, nor was it the harsh tearing of the wallpaper from the walls; rather it was the crescendo of silence.
During my life, many people, loved or hated, did many things that pushed me to the edge. A skilled few could pull me back. At these times, I was totally discordant with who I was, who I wanted to be. The cadence of careless whispers behind my back harmed me more than anything I could ever have done to myself. The betrayal of those closest to me time and time again ruptured something inside me that can never be restructured. Trying to live life by the famed “Carpe Diem” could only get me so far before I would fall back again. The phalanx of my soul could only withstand so much battery before it too fell. So, there I was, surrounded by the crushing silence. The raucous chorus of the mundane had faded away to absolutely nothing. I had waited for this sweet moment for so long. The racket I expected when I pulled the trigger was nonexistent. Instead, there was nothing. No bang, no other onomatopoeia for me to list. Just silence. I turned, expecting a dark, cloaked figure or an angel of mercy, but was shocked. There was nothing. It was white. Solid white. No floors, no walls. I felt no fear, no pain, though I knew I had obliterated myself. I had not made a point of my life. It was not fulfilled.
I wondered who would miss me, who would be ecstatic. Whose life would change, for the better or the worse. Who would mourn me, who would rejoice. I came up with blanks. I could not recall names, or faces. I was gone. I write this from the afterlife to warn you; do not end up like me.
During my life, many people, loved or hated, did many things that pushed me to the edge. A skilled few could pull me back. At these times, I was totally discordant with who I was, who I wanted to be. The cadence of careless whispers behind my back harmed me more than anything I could ever have done to myself. The betrayal of those closest to me time and time again ruptured something inside me that can never be restructured. Trying to live life by the famed “Carpe Diem” could only get me so far before I would fall back again. The phalanx of my soul could only withstand so much battery before it too fell. So, there I was, surrounded by the crushing silence. The raucous chorus of the mundane had faded away to absolutely nothing. I had waited for this sweet moment for so long. The racket I expected when I pulled the trigger was nonexistent. Instead, there was nothing. No bang, no other onomatopoeia for me to list. Just silence. I turned, expecting a dark, cloaked figure or an angel of mercy, but was shocked. There was nothing. It was white. Solid white. No floors, no walls. I felt no fear, no pain, though I knew I had obliterated myself. I had not made a point of my life. It was not fulfilled.
I wondered who would miss me, who would be ecstatic. Whose life would change, for the better or the worse. Who would mourn me, who would rejoice. I came up with blanks. I could not recall names, or faces. I was gone. I write this from the afterlife to warn you; do not end up like me.
♠ ♠ ♠
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