The Farther the Fall
"I didn't have a choice--" He protested, his eyes showing he was still unsure of how to support his argument.
"You did. You always do. You always will. Don't try and make feeble excuses" she spat the word back at him, "for yourself." She was furious already, she had never known there was something above that, angrier than that. There was. She was feeling it right now.
He began to ramble on about how everyone else made the situation bad, twisting the story to try and make her see him in a better light. But she could see straight past all the pretenses, past all the words he was twisting up in a sword that he held towards her, he didn't realize it but that was exactly what he was doing with his false words, making a sword that she knew would rip her one day if she allowed it. If she allowed it the sword would tear her apart at the seams, and stab and cut straight through her heart, shattering it, deeming it useless. It would cut through her defenses, no matter how strong they were, and yield her defenseless against his attacks. And she knew it would happen eventually unless she shattered the sword right now, and demolished it for it was made of lies and mistruths and things that couldn't be trusted. And if she let the sword grow, she would be unable to ever trust the man behind it, the man unknowingly holding it above her head, ever again.
"You can't just--" He began, seeing that she wasn't interrupting his remake of the story, but her eyes had become heavy with anger and sadness and betrayal and all these things he couldn't begin to describe. And she stood up to him, whirling around to face him, tears starting to make their way down her face.
"No!" She screamed, a heart-tugging, broken sound. The sound of someone who was falling, and couldn't find a rope or a foothold, and they were trapped, knowing their doom. "You do not get to lie to me!" She flung the angry/hurt words at him, still watching him in disbelief at his tall tale. "Not again." She sobbed, quieter, the pain dripping from every word, her arms wrapped around her midsection, as if trying to hold her from falling apart physically. She looked up at him, pure sorrow and pain in her eyes, her entire body screaming her distrust in him. She looked him in the eye and pulled herself together the tiniest bit, but when she spoke again her voice was calmer, more held together, stronger in a way that he couldn't grasp. "You don't get to hurt me again, to tear me apart at the seams just because I trusted you. Just because I loved you." There was a glimmer in her eyes, something...broken that had flashed in her expression but he couldn't put his finger on it. "You don't get to get close to me and let me believe that you care and that you're good, and then rip those ideas to shreds, rip me to shreds and throw whatever's left to you friends. You don't get to, because I won't let you anymore. Because I'm not staying here, waiting for you to come to any sense that's left in your head. I can't and I won't. There's nothing left for me here. I'm leaving in 2 days, so this is goodbye." And she walked away.
He watched her disappear but she didn't look back, or stop, or slow, or turn, or give any sign that she cared for him anymore, or what happened to him.
And he felt like the biggest jerk in the entire world--and there was nothing he could do about it.
"You did. You always do. You always will. Don't try and make feeble excuses" she spat the word back at him, "for yourself." She was furious already, she had never known there was something above that, angrier than that. There was. She was feeling it right now.
He began to ramble on about how everyone else made the situation bad, twisting the story to try and make her see him in a better light. But she could see straight past all the pretenses, past all the words he was twisting up in a sword that he held towards her, he didn't realize it but that was exactly what he was doing with his false words, making a sword that she knew would rip her one day if she allowed it. If she allowed it the sword would tear her apart at the seams, and stab and cut straight through her heart, shattering it, deeming it useless. It would cut through her defenses, no matter how strong they were, and yield her defenseless against his attacks. And she knew it would happen eventually unless she shattered the sword right now, and demolished it for it was made of lies and mistruths and things that couldn't be trusted. And if she let the sword grow, she would be unable to ever trust the man behind it, the man unknowingly holding it above her head, ever again.
"You can't just--" He began, seeing that she wasn't interrupting his remake of the story, but her eyes had become heavy with anger and sadness and betrayal and all these things he couldn't begin to describe. And she stood up to him, whirling around to face him, tears starting to make their way down her face.
"No!" She screamed, a heart-tugging, broken sound. The sound of someone who was falling, and couldn't find a rope or a foothold, and they were trapped, knowing their doom. "You do not get to lie to me!" She flung the angry/hurt words at him, still watching him in disbelief at his tall tale. "Not again." She sobbed, quieter, the pain dripping from every word, her arms wrapped around her midsection, as if trying to hold her from falling apart physically. She looked up at him, pure sorrow and pain in her eyes, her entire body screaming her distrust in him. She looked him in the eye and pulled herself together the tiniest bit, but when she spoke again her voice was calmer, more held together, stronger in a way that he couldn't grasp. "You don't get to hurt me again, to tear me apart at the seams just because I trusted you. Just because I loved you." There was a glimmer in her eyes, something...broken that had flashed in her expression but he couldn't put his finger on it. "You don't get to get close to me and let me believe that you care and that you're good, and then rip those ideas to shreds, rip me to shreds and throw whatever's left to you friends. You don't get to, because I won't let you anymore. Because I'm not staying here, waiting for you to come to any sense that's left in your head. I can't and I won't. There's nothing left for me here. I'm leaving in 2 days, so this is goodbye." And she walked away.
He watched her disappear but she didn't look back, or stop, or slow, or turn, or give any sign that she cared for him anymore, or what happened to him.
And he felt like the biggest jerk in the entire world--and there was nothing he could do about it.
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Hopelessly Empty
Boxes and Empty Rooms