Appassionata

Upon her lips lingered a truth long denied, a countless number of probabilities she could never bring herself to divulge. In fact, and she daren’t admit it, there had been many a time where such things could have been spoken, though it was on these occasions that weakness had triumphed and reality had been heaved aside, abandoned to the untouchable shadows, where one could hope, but never accomplish, to forget.
From where she hid behind a tree, she relished the light breeze that danced through the forest and parted the ever green leaves above. The sun smiled through the branches, kissing her skin, the deep green forest floor remained untouched and silent, minus that of a few honey bees that collected pollen nearby. Daffodils and lavender swayed gently, bathing in the warm sensation of the summer heat, and the smell of musky earth lingered in the air, along with something else, something out of place: the musky scent of rain and mint—him.
He’d manifested this place just for her, a figment of his imagination become reality—well, as much of a reality as could be experienced by that of spirits of course—so together they could enjoy the happiness that was a continuous visitor.
Following her arrival back to the spirit realm—no, from their first encounter some three thousand years ago—they were only ever blessed to share sacred time when in Heaven, a topic she was not sure to perceive as a blessing or a curse.
In her mind she banished the negativity which loomed, straightened up against the tree and peered around its body. The letter she had left for him remained safe under a rock, he’d find it. Of this she was certain.
The rays on the grass momentarily vanished as a large shadow crept in and out of view. A twig snapped. The branches above rustled and birds, startled, flew from their nests.
She stood, her eyes darted to study everything in sight. She didn’t feel threatened. If anything she felt teased for the purpose of someone, or something else's, amusement. Then she took a hit to the side, fell, and rolled down what seemed to be a never ending hill. Two arms grasped at hers, two legs entwined with her own, along with another laugh, a laugh that she would too soon come to forget. His presence was like stepping into a warm house on a cold day, luxurious in the most splendid of ways.
At the opening of the trees to a great wide field, she came to a halt and dared to open an eye. It was here, just a few days before, that she had enjoyed an evening riding horses with him. He still thought that these moments were to last. Oh how wrong he was!
“You are such an ass,” she exclaimed, thrusting the heel of her palm into his shoulder. She relaxed next to him, propped up by her elbow.
There he was, as apparent as crystal, illuminated by his divine beauty in his snug black tee and jeans. His dark brown hair had its usual untidiness; tousled in a variation of waves and curls. His expression was the same as it was the first time she’d kissed him. There was the wry smile playing at his lips; admiration. The sparkle in his eyes: two cobalt spheres shimmering like a sea bed, radiant and mysterious beneath the setting sun.
“‘My bounty is as deep as the sea, My love as deep; the more I give to thee, the more I have, for both are infinite’,” he recited.
“Do I ask as to why you quote Shakespeare, my love?”
“Since you ask, I believe you do already,” he smiled, “but my means are to acquire something from you.”
“And what might that be?”
“You’ll know when I get it.”
She was somewhat taken aback. “And what makes you so certain you will obtain it?”
“Because it’s you, and you never disappoint me.”
She smiled at him; she could feel her face heat under his gaze and turned away.
He cupped her chin with his fingers. “When I saw you I fell in love, and you smiled because you knew.”
She chuckled and turned her blushing face away. “That was low—even for you.”
“Perhaps, but it did its purpose.”
Above, the clouds were drawing in; they were most certainly not manifested, for they were far too dark and miserable a sight to belong in a realm so positive. Things were beginning. She frowned.
“What’s wrong, Trouble?” She could hear the concern in his voice, and was shocked. Surely her face did not portray her worry to such an extent?
“Nothing, I just . . . ,” she ran a hand down his cheek, she could feel time closing in and soon she would be caught in its grasp. She didn’t want to spoil things but it was now or never. “You know, I’ve been meaning to tell you something for a while now”—she paused, registering the way his brow creased, but strived ahead—“I’m, uh, I’m—”
“Leaving?” he guessed in a witty tone.
But her expression presented no response to any sort of joke, and that was when he knew.
“Don’t tell me you’re being serious. Not now!”
She had never intended to hurt him, though she was aware that it was inevitable. She knew that telling him would only make her feel worse over the matter. She’d hoped this time would be different, that perhaps he would have realised that the time were to come at some point. However, by the forlorn expression upon his features she could see that the idea had yet to cross his mind.
“Yes . . . well no. I’m not leaving you, understand that. Just Here—this realm, I—” she stopped. There was no use in attempting an excuse; he could see right through her, always had. If anything, an excuse would make matters worse, he’d think that she were saying all the reasons why to rid herself of him, and that was not the case. “You know I love you, so, so much, and the last thing I ever want to do is to hurt you but this is just something I have to do.”
He pressed a finger to her lips and their eyes locked. The hurt he felt was strong, she could tell that much by the way he hesitated to speak, but he strived ahead, pushed aside his sudden upset for her. “Hey,” he whispered. “Don’t worry about how I feel. I mean, I guess it’s not like this is the end. It never is. I’ll always be keeping a very close eye on you, we both know how accident prone you are.” He smiled, though she knew it was forced, and then added, “I’ll even come down every once in a while to check up on you.”
“But I won’t remember you, I never do, and those are such rare occasions. You’re not supposed to let yourself be seen by me.”
“I know,” he admitted sadly.
“Then why don’t you come with me?”
His sigh told her it was a possibility he had given much thought to, but each time it was considered, other factors proved a dilemma and right now, it simply wasn’t going to happen. “As much as I’d love to, you know I can’t. It could ruin everything for both of us. I’ve been yours too long now to risk losing it all. There are too many of us risking our ranks to venture to earth, I’ll lose my position as well if I try to be with you in physical form, and that would mean I wouldn’t be able to protect you in the same way. We’d never see each other again. I’d be banished from both planes.”
“Then I’ll stay here,” she told him, but she knew it was a lie; the rebirth had already been set in motion. And as much as her love for him was undying she had other reasons to pursue. Aspects like that of her karmic debt. Her debts provided a lesson to her, lessons that could only be mastered on the earth plane, without understanding them her soul would never be able to evolve and then she’d never reach true enlightenment like he.
“You know, as well as I, that you shouldn’t do that. You can’t hold yourself back just because you worry what will become of me.” As much as it hurt to admit, he was right. “You have to go.”
His words were abrupt and carried a thousand shocks to her heart. “I have to go.” This part she remembered all too well.
He stood up and brought her to her feet. For a moment all that separated them was the slither of air which lingered between their bodies, taunting them both with something so dear, so obtainable, but yet, so far from reach. The heat which coursed through her veins burned with every heartbeat.
She closed her eyes when she felt his lips on the crown of her head. “I love you,” he murmured.
“I love you too, forever and always.” She was the first to pull away, misery portrayed on her face.
He looked up at the altering cloud formation. “I’ll see you soon then.”
Her eyes narrowed as she lifted her face to a bright light which began to form. A mass of large puffy white clouds had generated, now melding and breaking apart in the centre. A piercing beam broke through their core, shining down an intense ray of light upon her.
The opportunity to have him in her embrace was slowly fading away. “I’m sorry this is happening so quickly, I should have told you sooner.” She pressed her lips to his, melting into him. The longer she shared their kiss, the more she resisted the pull of the clouds above. Her hands roamed up his chest and she entwined her fingers in his hair. The glow surrounding them grew brighter, larger, demanding for its target to be broken away from this realm and into the other.
He reluctantly pushed her away, herself now aglow with a magnificent source of light. “Never apologise to me. You don’t need to.”
The clouds above grew darker, stirring quicker. Her eyes blinked rapidly, refusing to focus on the embodiment materializing beyond, as her body fell into the responsibility of something greater. Iridescent particles began to develop themselves, forming into a swarm of thousands, engulfing her. Her black hair whipped around her face as the orbs increased in momentum, spiralling around as though a mini tornado.
Lifted into the air, she found the ground beneath decrease in size. And as she watched him fade below, she wondered whether there was a slim possibility that she would come to recognize him when he came to visit her physical self in the next life.
Then, the light burst, its glow intensifying, becoming so white that she could neither see nor be seen. She existed now only as energy, waiting to be converted into its next form.