Albatross

~~
As the gravel crunched under the tires, I sighed at the two story brick house with the black shutters. It would be a rather attractive home, if it weren’t for the unkempt appearance and the monstrosity of the ivy creeping up the west wall. “Great,” Jacqueline grimaced, sinking lower into her seat. Before I could ask her why she was so bothered, I caught glimpse of what brought about her sudden distraught.

“I can take you somewhere,” I suggested, staring at the license plate on the faded red crossover.

Jacqueline shook her head, buttoning her sweater up to cover her still dampened chest. Adrenaline coursed through my nerves, sending messages of terror laced with survival tips to the center of my focus. I was used to this feeling, it was a frame of mind for me, and this was not a thing to be proud of.

Opening the door, Jacqueline stepped into the night; I hastily unbuckled and followed her as she took the grey cobblestone path to the ornate front door. “Jacqueline!” I whispered her name as if it were a curse. Nevertheless, the furious honey blonde spun around, the red skirt copying her movements. Once I had her attention, I spoke evenly, “Please, you’ll thank yourself if you don’t cause a scene.”

“I don’t know why I expected anything different,” she smirked; I believed the forlorn half smile was to prevent the tears from cascading down her gently smoothed cheeks. Crossing my fingers, I mouthed a wish to the beacons dancing above us in the navy nothingness as we both ascended the stairs.

Jacqueline’s peeling nails grapple the handle, entering the once grand foyer. A chandelier once draped in delicate panes of glass hung from the lofty ceiling in mere tatters compared to the original glory. Dust covered the shelves and family portraits as if it was just another facet to the memories. My bare foot touched the chilled tile, one of which was cracked towards the corner.

What caught my eye was the ornate iron mirror, it always did. My grandfather had brought that back from ruins in England. However, my mother did the justice of punching it in during one of her belligerent drug induced hazes that were quite frequent. I sighed at the mere mental mention of my mother’s intolerableness. “Girls!” A gravelly voice rang from the hallway.

“You’re sure?” I queried, watching Jacqueline shrug uncomfortably into the cardigan draped around her rounded shoulders.

Jacqueline nodded and the remnants of my extant soul began to decay, crumbling away as if it were a faulty wall. She paced in front of me, and it struck me that Jacqueline was a much braver soul than me. I already knew that, but she constantly reminded me, it was one of the many actions that humbled me. Dragging my feet along the tiles decorated with fissures, I emerged into the family room, to see a man heavily tattooed staring at my sister in a way that was not legal for his age.

I felt my face quirk. “These are my daughters, Jacqueline and Vivian,” My mother pointed accordingly, the track marks seeming to move along the course of her skin as she waved her arm around like she was hosting a fucking Tupperware party. Was the frown on my face that noticeable? Because I could feel the fine lines beginning to develop. “This is Brad.”

Brad reeks of heroin and gonorrhea, I chide to myself. “Jacqueline reminds me of a movie star,” Brad’s equally raspy voice echoed off of the cracking walls. Everything seemed to be breaking and dying nowadays. “But not the respectable kind,” Brad winked at my sister, who backed away from the slime seconds after it was spoken.

“That’s enough for tonight,” I interrupted Brad’s ogling of a minor. I took Jacqueline’s hand and dragged her to the steps, at the other end of the family room.

“Vivian, don’t be rude!” Our mother interjected, appearing offended at the fact that this Brad dickhole was denied prey this evening. Honestly, isn’t it bad enough my mom blows these kind of guys for drugs? Now she thinks it is okay for them to hit on her daughter? Sometimes, I wonder if drugs can even drive people to this level of stupidity.

“Yeah, don’t be an irresponsible parent,” I glared back at her for a moment I’ll never forget. Her eyes were watering, as if her previous request was valid. This was her world, and we both were thrown into the dangerous clutches of it. I’m no saint, but I sin for the right reasons, if that is verified justification. Shaking my head to physically remind myself where I was going, I continued up the stairs, taking them two at a time with my sister galloping along behind me.

Needless to say, once I changed into pajamas, I crept into Jacqueline’s room. Fast asleep by now, I tiptoed around the white and grey spotted carpet in order to keep her from waking. I slouched against the door, placing a striped pillow behind my back, turning the lock to a satisfying click as I blockaded us both into the safe haven.

There was nothing I would not do to protect my gracious, innocent sister. I made a covenant with God, or whoever is up there, and my honor, that nothing would steal the childish gleam in Jacqueline’s enthusiastic eyes as long as I had a say in it.

The thoughts streaming through my mind at an alarming speed, I let them continue their banter. These internal mutterings ceased to be mine when they became this rampant. So I stared at the aging, fading ceiling stars still glowing brightly, counting each one. Life has not presented a chance for me to relax just yet, so I’ll worry for the time being.

~~
“Are you fucking serious?” An angelically pissed off voice rang in my eardrums. There was something about the tone that made me move from that lovely place of rest. My head stirred against the solidity of wood. I had spent the night in front of Jacqueline’s door. “Really Viv?” she laid her hands on my shoulders.

Mistake.

I batted them away a tad more venomously than necessary. My nerves flared where her hands once lay so delicately. “You know this is for your own good,” I debated, eyes bolting open vigilantly.

“I can fend for myself Vivian, oh well, we’ll leave it behind,” Jacqueline visibly slouched. We go through this nearly every single time I spend the night in here. “At least, if you’re in here, you’re not out on the streets,” Jacqueline rolled the white sheer curtains between her fingertips; the light stained the fabric in fluorescent glory.

Any other person saying it, I’d kick their ass. I go to lengths unfathomable for some to protect her, to protect this home that is slowly crumbling no matter the efforts I put in. Most of it is cosmetic, but I fear one day the foundation will finally crack from the pressure, one side with me clutching my sister and the other side holding my mother’s downward spiral. “Well, without my sacrifice, we’d be in a pickle, now wouldn’t we?” I reminded her.

She gulped; I knew Jacqueline hated to sound ungrateful. Although, I wouldn’t blame her, I have put her in an odd position. No matter my vain efforts to give her a normal life, she still knew what I did for her, and she still had to live with all the repercussions of my mother. “It doesn’t have to be this way.”

“Yeah, so don’t dwell on it,” I exhaled, rising to my feet as I joined her at the window. It was morning, just about an hour before we were supposed to get up and get ready for the first day back at the local waste of time.

After several groans were exchanged, I left her to her wits. Personally, I wanted to use the extra time to treat myself to toaster pastries I kept in my room for emergencies. Cracking open the door before I made my entrance, I realized the room was not occupied like I thought it would be for some ridiculous reason. Paranoia has that vice grip entangled around my neck, strangling me every second, the albatross pendant I tote around with me.

Unwrapping the silver foil, it crinkles under my hangnails I assume came to be when I was thinking last night with my back against innocent’s door. I mumble, “Such a fat ass,” at my predicament. The only reason food is in my closet is because that shit stain of a uterus I was camping out in for nine months will eat everything in the house without regard for her two offspring when she’s off of her drugs. That’s the sole perk of the kind of speed she takes, it reduces her appetite. More food for those who matter I presume as I flop on my back, arms wide open.

Here’s to this year, may it be better than the year before, and the year before that.