This is a Wasteland

Ahysha POV

I took a deep breath before thinking back to grade 4 where I was just nine and didn’t have a care in the world. I thought about the summer before and decided to just start at the beginning of grade 4’s year.

“I was nine, my parents, brother and I had just gotten back from vacation in the Bahamas. At that time we lived in Maine and my brother was still living with us and wasn’t married yet. He wasn’t engaged or anything, he didn’t get a serious girlfriend until grade 6, when he got engaged to her. Anyway, I was happy to come back to school and see all my friends and brag about my summer that I spent with my family, I still remember the kids being jealous of my family and I, but I thought they were lucky. I mean my family couldn’t stay in one spot for more half a year, two if mom liked the place enough.

“So I wasn’t really all that worried about people hating me and stuff. I knew I wasn’t going to stay in that one spot for more than six more months, but mom really liked Maine so we were there since the beginning of third grade.” I said and Dr. Ash interrupted my next sentence.

“Did you hold any resentment against your mom for moving so much?” I scoffed and gave him an incredulous look.

“Did? I still do, I’ve been trying to forgive her since we moved here but it’s getting harder and harder the way she’s acting. I don’t think I’ll ever forgive her for this move.” I told him and he nodded, signaling me to continue my story. “Anyway when school finally started everyone was already crowded around my desk in our classroom waiting for me. They were waiting for me to tell them all wonderful stories about my summer vacation but I didn’t want to share. I didn’t want to remember my dysfunctional family after just starting grade 4.

“I took my seat and faced forward ignoring everyone and focusing on the board. A week later, they’re still asking me and I blow up yelling about how it wasn’t as fun as it seems and might sound and telling them to leave me alone. Weeks later no one even bothers to ask me what I did that summer and they all assumed it went bad or I stayed in Maine for the summer, which I would have no problem doing.” I shook my head, remembering what happen those weeks like it happened yesterday.

“I would always get home and complain to my dad about school, since it seemed like he was the only one who’d listen and not complain about it. He always came to my room and sat on the bed with me and let me spill my guts to him. He’d say something stupid and cheesy like ‘darling it’s be okay.’ I’d laugh and my older brother would bring something up for us to eat.” I said and he cut me off again.

“How was your relationship with your brother?”

“Oh… it was absolutely awful,” my voice laced with sarcasm, “I hated spending time with him. I loved spending time with him too. I want to choke him to death and other times hug him, just one would’ve been pushing it with me though. I don’t think I was the best sister but I tried my hardest and I don’t think we’d ever have the ‘perfect’ brother-sister thing going on. He’s 27 now, and his name is Aaron. ” I answer him and start my story again.

“Now… where was I? Middle of the year.” I mumble to myself. “Okay, the talent show was coming up soon, about a month I think. I planned on playing guitar, maybe even singing an original song. I didn’t think my mom cared when I told them I was going to be in it. My father loved the idea and my brother was going to help me with lyrics and notes, but mom banned him from helping me. Doesn’t mean he didn’t do it when we were all alone, he would come into my room and help me think of lyrics.” I said, smiling as I remembered Aaron helping me.

“I won, of course. I couldn’t remember a time I didn’t win something I did. Kick ball, I won; talent shows, I won; everything I did I won. It got me accused of cheating several times but nothing could make me happy but the adrenaline and high of winning something I did.” I told Dr. Ash letting out a small smile and a sigh.

“Before you continue, just to say, we have ten minutes left. Five minutes before the session is over, I’m going to stop you and ask one last question.” I nodded and finished my story.

“At the end of the year, we moved. We moved from Maine to Georgia, I believe. Right before we moved Aaron left to go to college, mom never told him we moved, so it was up to dad and I to contact him and let him know. He’s in England now with his wife, she’s pregnant, it’s a girl.” I told him and he nodded.

“Alright, the question.” I leaned forwards so I didn’t miss it. “How did you feel after this session? Do you want to continue them or no? Everything that happens in here is strictly confidential.” He added the last part for my benefit.

I thought about it and I really mean thought. I thought about how I felt like some weight was lifted off of my shoulders and it felt great. I thought about Aaron and the next time I’ll see him how he’d have a daughter and I’m going to be an aunt and mom and dad grandparents. How dad won’t ever be able to meet his granddaughter and how mom’s behaving right now she has no right to meet her. I thought about how I’d feel better about possibly going to the dance to be the guys’ manager. I still don’t know though, it’s a 50/50 thing at the moment.

“I don’t know, I feel kind of… lighter?” I said shrugging; I didn’t know what word to use to make sense of what I was feeling right now. “I’ll continue them, as long as my mother doesn’t know.” I told him and he nodded, confidentiality and all that shizz, gets in the way of him telling mom about my sessions.

Never thought I’d say this but, “Thank goodness for confidentiality.”