Why Do You Think

I could hear Oli's loud music blasting from his earphones as I attempted to get some sleep. It wasn't exactly easy to fall asleep in this place as you could occasionally hear crying, or someone moaning. So far I have even heard people shout and mutter sentences which are fairly creepy in their own way; such things don’t usually affect me as much comparing to if someone was whispering behind my back, but what made everything creepier was the fact that it was pitch black. There was almost no source of light except for when Oli decided to look at the screen of his IPod, which made the room light up in a very dim blue light, at least then I was able to make out the shapes of the furniture in this room.

I have always been a light sleeper, and the noises echoing throughout the building would constantly keep me up, not to mention the constant checks the nurses did all throughout the night, though I think that I did managed to get some sleep as light was seeping through the window quicker than I had anticipated.

"What's the time?" I managed to croak out as I got Oli's attention; I had to flail my arm to get him to notice me and take out one of his earphones.
"6am" he informed me.

Breakfast was just around the corner; any part of the day where I was expected to consume something other than water was dreaded. The staff have been informed on my eating habits, so they kept a close eye on whether or not I am eating what I am supposed to. Just the idea that someone is watching me closely makes me feel unnaturally uncomfortable; I always get the feeling that all the air is being sucked out of me and I start overheating like I am standing in the middle of a fire. It’s the overwhelming feeling of feeling trapped that is the worst part of it.

What felt like an hour later, I had the need to change out of my current clothes, which was a simple old T-shirt and sweatpants. I was glad that each room had their own little bathroom, but apart from a sink and a toilet, there was nothing else in it. One mayor fact which I both hated and loved was the lack of a mirror. I was obsessed with seeing what I looked like, I had to point out every one of my flaws so that in some way I could hide them, but without a mirror I wasn't able to do so.
I changed into my usual black skin tight jeans, and a jumper which is almost twice the size of me; I somehow found great comfort in them, maybe it was just because there was so much extra room in it. As for my hair, I didn't bother brushing it, instead I just ran my hand over it to straighten some strands and make it more or less acceptable.

Breakfast came around far too quickly than I had wanted it to; as the little bell rung informing us that it was 8am, time for everyone to get out of bed and get breakfast, I didn't even want to leave the room, and if it wasn't for Oli I would have stayed there.

He had forced me to eat about 2 spoonfuls of my cereal in the whole 30 minutes of breakfast before we were given our meds. 20 minutes later, this whole place felt sane for a short amount of time. I can’t really tell if it’s just me who feels sane, or everyone around me who acts and looks like they don’t have some sort of disorder.

All of us had a little psychiatrist meeting after our free time for a couple of minutes talking about how we felt and other stuff along those lines.
“On a scale of 1-10, how do you feel today?” The man, whose name I had already forgotten asked me in what sounded like a friendly tone.
The answer to that question was that I felt like shit. I felt so shit that a simple number on that scale wouldn't give my feelings justice. While he waited patiently for my answer, the large clock which has been placed high on the wooden wall was the only thing which was making a sound in this room.

“Alright, what would you like to achieve today?” He tried asking me again, but the thing is there wasn't anything apart from getting out of this place that I wanted to achieve.

This went on for another good 10 minutes, and by each question I could see the man become increasingly more annoyed. Obviously, he wasn't clearly showing it, but I just knew that he was annoyed at my lack of response.

Unlike any other room in the ward, the psychiatrists room was much more decorated and dare I say homely; the furniture looked much more well-kept and most of the dust has been cleaned off from the desks, though it is easily noticeable that the book shelves haven't been touched in a couple of decades.

When my time was up, he let out a sigh and sent me out of the room. I was finally able to get out of the heavy air which surrounded that room and made my lungs feel more compressed than in any other situation.

If it weren't for Oli, I would feel extremely awkward at free time. I hated being on my own while everyone else knew each other, and although I more or less remember most people’s names, that in no way means that I actually know them.
Time seemed to pass slower than ever, while I just ended up sitting at the back of the room keeping an eye on everyone else with Oli sitting next to me listening to his own music not really paying much attention. That is what I really liked about him, the fact that he doesn't bat an eyelash towards me. Up to the point where I ask for his attention, it’s almost as if he doesn't know that I'm actually there.

When lunch had come around, we ended up sitting closer to other patients than we would have liked; the two people closest to us were Frank and Gerard if I remembered their names correctly. I could feel Frank constantly tapping the table with his foot, and at the same time doing annoying clicking noises with his tongue as well as tapping his fork instead of actually eating.
“Stop that” Oli turned to him with a threatening tone. Something didn't feel right, and although I didn't really know him that well I could still feel that something was off.

“What if I don’t” with a mischievous grin, Frank replied and made the noises even more intense and irritating.
What took me completely out of surprise was the forceful fist which aimed straight for Franks face, and it seems like it took him a bit out of surprise too; he didn't react to it fast enough so the fist instantly made blood come out of his nose and his now split lip.

“Ohhhh” Frank’s grin increased as he stood up, about to throw his own punch at Oli's face, but he wasn't quick enough. The guards were already in the room trying to restrain both of them. Oli was trying to fight back, but the guards were almost twice his size, and not only that, they also had sedatives with them with which they knocked Oli out.

Since Frank hadn't actually done any damage and he wasn't resisting, I assumed he was just brought to the nurse’s office to have his injuries checked out.

“Y’know, this is like a shove in a sand pit in a toddler’s playground, what you just saw there. Frank can be a real pain in the ass, and he knows full well the extent of Oliver’s anger, though it’s not exactly a secret really. If you stay here long enough you will just know” Gerard had startled me with his voice, but it was kind of nice that I was in a way explained the situation.

No one else seemed to really care as to what had happened, no one had even bothered to look when the guards came in. It’s as if they didn't see that little incident which happened just moments ago.

The sound of a bell made me jump again, and everyone else was getting up.
“We’re going outside” Gerard informed me without me even asking. I guess the look of confusion on my face must have given it away.
--
20 minutes later, and I found myself sitting on a bench next to Vic. I'm still not entirely sure how I ended up here; I guess I must've zoned out so much that I didn't even realize where I was going. He didn't seem too aware of everything around him either.
The bench was further away from everyone else; I could both see and hear Jaime laughing in the distance, and poor Tony being dragged around almost the whole field by him. Gerard was hanging out with Alan and Austin, just sitting on the slightly damp grass near one of the few trees.

The silence between me and Vic became more and more unbearable by the second. I began fidgeting with the sleeve of my jumper, one of the little habits which I had developed years ago.
“I guess I should introduce myself shouldn’t I?” I felt extremely awkward, though I asked the question more to myself than him.
“I’m Kellin” I stated, and I didn’t really expect an answer from him since as far as I’ve been told he almost never speaks. It had been almost the 5th time that I had been taken by surprise today, as I actually saw some movement from him since the last couple of minutes that we have been sitting here.

He turned his head to look at me; he wasn't scanning my appearance, instead he was just focusing on my eyes. The contact we held was heavy and uncomfortable, but it was just so strong that I was unable to look away. He opened his mouth, ready to say something, but this whole moment was destroyed as footsteps could be heard dragging across the grass getting closer to us.