Alone

That entire time we talked about how after just three periods people were already asking Austin who I was and what we 'did.'

It was funny really, what people could so stupidly come up with as if any of it was their business.

1. We're in a secret relationship and we finally decided to make it public
2. We're cousins
3. We're fuck buddies
4. I'm knocked up and our relationship has to be public

Number four was my favorite because well it was just plain stupid.

Good conversation kept us going and going. His laugh was memorable and his special scent had become so intimate after spending so much time with him. He asked me so many questions and we even analyzed Kristen and Pats relationship.

It was like catching up and it wasn't awkward. Having/being friends wasn't an awkward thing to me now. Being around Austin was still weird only because you could never feel at ease around his perfection.

But what made me curious was that he did not once talk about himself.

When I actually tried to ask a question about him, his mind seemed to wonder elsewhere and he'd come up with another question for me.

Maybe he liked the idea of me?

The ever so womanizing Austin was nowhere to be found and my questions of him and his many girls had clung onto my tongue. I couldn't find it in me to ask those questions no matter how comfortable I was feeling though.

I took off his jacket and covered my legs. His eyes moved down my legs and back up to my face. Was it bad that I was covering my legs?

"What's wrong hot shot? Can't stand your manly jacket being used as a blanket?" I snickered.

"What?," he scoffed, "Im as manly as they come Brooks."

Sure as hell you are.

"Really? Says the guy who was afraid to walk back to class with a little bit of rain ."

"It's pouring outside!" He laughed.

"You probably didn't want to mess up your hair huh?" I tilted my head looking at his damn perfect gelled waves.

He narrowed his eyes and rolled down the window letting the roar of rain enter the car. He tilted his head back letting the rain hit his face.

"What are you doing!" I laughed.

He picked his head back up, with rain dripping down his face.

"Proving you wrong." He smiled slicking his hair back with both his hands.

"Wow." I continued to laugh.

He reached back and opened my window.

"What the hell!" I scooted away from the window.

"Do it! It feels good!" He laughed.

I looked at him a couple more seconds and repeated what he had done seconds before.

The rain hit my face, droplets soft and hard but damn did it feel good. I felt the cold water run lines through my head and drip down to the bottom.

I lifted my head back up, my hair soaking and dripping all over the seat. I didn't notice how close Austin was.

I could smell the minty gum we had shared just minutes ago, graze my face.

Our drips of water dripped together over the console leaving little puddles.

Our laughs turned to slow breathing and our faces stood frozen in front of one another.

"Why do you want to be my friend Austin?" My eyes looked into his deeply.

Word vomit. It was something I was thinking. I didn't mean to ask.
This unsettling feeling started in my stomach as he kept looking at me, roaming his eyes on every feature of my face to the point I became self conscious.

"Austin, why?" I asked again in a whisper.

"You think I wanna be friends?" He tilted his head, licking the raindrops of his lips that had dribbled their way down.

"I don't know what you think Austin. That's why I'm asking you." I repeated.

The moment of having a free spirit and laughter had passed and hit Austin in the face as he shifted away, uneasy is his seat.

"Do you want me to take you home?" He looked at his watch, "We sort of missed sixth period from talking."

"Yeah."

----

Austin barely even came to a complete stop before I got out of the car and dryly thanked him. Being in that car for another second would kill me and looking at his wet slick hair and fresh scent would all together bring me back again.

I couldn't decipher his mysterious words an how jittery he had become soon after. Maybe I was just his fill in since Kristen had consumed most of Patrick's time.

It must be weird for Austin having Patrick have his time being taken by a girl when usually it's the other way around.

I couldn't help but sit in my room and think. I'd never seen Austin so free like that, laughing not caring if people heard or wetting his hair because we all know his hair was absolute perfection. It probably would take two hours for anyone to gel their hair so perfectly like that whereas it probably took Austin two minutes to accomplish that perfection because everything came easy to Austin.

It's just the way he was.

I couldn't justify what Austin had said to me today, even if I tried.

It was driving me insane because, call me crazy, but I swore he was going to kiss me.

Maybe it was my own mind making this up or maybe it was all the unrealistic sappy movies I'd seen.

I wish he had kissed me. Maybe I would've kissed back.

Kristen was definitely in the honeymoon stag without even being Patrick's girlfriend.

Kristen hasn't texted me a single word today which she usually does.

Then out of nowhere, as if Kristen had heard me from wherever she is, her name appeared on my screen.

"Hello?" I asked.

"What are you doing?" She immediately asked.

"Just got home, in my room...why?" I asked.

"Can you check on Austin? I know you hate him and you're all awkward but he just sent Pat a message saying he fucked up and I missed it and just all stupid and talking about mistakes. Pats worried so would you please?"

My face turned a hot red as I began to think what if he meant me? What if he thought: Damn I lead her on?

I felt like a fool.

I ended the phone call before I could respond. I ran downstairs with my phone and was ready to go set Austin straight on this stupid situation.

How could I be so foolish? What was I thinking! He probably thinks I was expecting a kiss from him in the car. He was probably dying to get out of the car! He probably....

As I swung open my front door, as it had happened in the morning, Austin was there soaking from the distance if his house to mine. His hand was up ready to knock, panting, filling up the air with his breath.

The rain fell around him as he stood there.

"I don't wanna be just friends, Emma. I know I'm a jerk, I know it, but I want to be uh," he stopped for a second looking around and took a step back, "Your neighbor."

And just when my heart began to flutter he smacked me with that bullshit.

"You're meaning to tell me you ran over here in the rain to tell me you want to be my neighbor?" I folded my arms on top of my chest.

"Yeah." He sounded unsure. The desperation in his eyes was gone. He looked blank now with a solid face.

"You have the nerve to come over here and say this after what felt like you wanted to kiss me and you were being so comfortable and now I look like the idiot for saying this." I panicked and took my own step back.

"I just don't want to give you the wrong impression...you're just so fragile, I don't want you to get the wrong idea."

"Austin you can take you and your 'I just...I just' back across the street and do yourself a favor and just leave me alone. The last problem I need in my life is a narcissistic womanizing jerk who thinks they're so superior compared to the rest of us." I slammed the door on his perfect face.

I fooled myself to think I would ever match up to Austin, what a damn joke.

I peeked out the window and saw he was gone, out of sight. He had wasted no time in going back to his house. I was the fuck up and the mistake and the lunch he wishes he never had. Austin missed the chance to tell me, 'You're in over your head Brooks, if you think I like you.'

He gave me unnecessary hope and I took it ruthlessly. He didn't even make sense yet I let him stay there, on my porch, and let him talk.
It fed my ego almost, thinking Austin would be into me. He made me feel like an idiot.

He made me feel so fragile just like he had said, behind the facade I was used to being in. Was it that Austin really knew the power he had over women? That he knew how he could tear them apart and ruin their lives if he wanted to?

Austin was a womanizer, I knew that already, so why was I expecting anything from him and why did it hit me like a ton of bricks?