Coffee Shop Soundtrack

I tossed my phone back and forth between my hands until it slipped and landed on my chest. I was waiting on calls that would never come. None of the guys wanted to talk to me. If Makenna did want to talk to me it didn’t matter, seeing as her husband was probably glued to her hip. Since I left the hospital I have been stuck in my apartment with my mom checking in on me every few hours. I needed to get out of here.

I got up and grabbed my car keys off of the kitchen counter. If none of the guys were going to answer my calls I was going to have to talk to them face to face. I made my way to the car and started towards Pat and Jared’s. I parked in the street outside their small house and went up to the door. I knocked and waited, but there was no answer.

I sighed and sat on the porch step. I put my head in my hands. I didn’t know what I was supposed to do about anything, my parents, my friends, my career even. I was a disappointment, and I didn’t even know what I would say to anyone when I saw them. I decided I should just go back to my apartment and shut myself in for a few more days to think.

I stood up and stepped down from the porch when I heard laughing coming from the back of the house. I made my way around the house in the darkness until I saw the glow of a fire in the distance. I quietly made my way towards my group of friends. This was our thing, late night bonfires. This is something we’ve been doing since high school and I wasn’t even invited. I understood why, but still.

“Thanks for the invite,” I said when I got close enough. Everybody was here. All of the guys, Makenna, even Derek, and I felt myself getting angry. They all stopped talking and looked at me.

“What are you doing here?” Garrett asked.

“You know what,” I said, shaking my head. “I don’t even know.”

I had to leave, partially because I was too upset now to talk to any of them and also because Derek’s hand on Makenna’s leg made my stomach churn. I turned and took a couple of steps back before Makenna called my name. “John, wait.”

I stopped and faced all of them again, Makenna was now standing. I was curious what she had to say to me in front of everybody. She didn’t say anything. “What, Ken?”

She turned to Garrett, “Don’t do this,” she said, “Don’t push him away from you. He needs you right now.” She was talking to him like I wasn’t even standing there anymore.

“No,” he said back. “He doesn’t need me.” Garrett stood up and turned his attention to me. “You made that pretty obvious.” He picked his half empty beer bottle up from the dirt floor and stepped over Kennedy’s feet, making his way toward the back door.

“Garrett,” she called out to him.

“Micky,” Derek chimed in, “Just let him go. He needs his space.” He grabbed Makenna’s hand, trying to get her to sit back down with him but she didn’t.

“Micky?” I laughed, taking a couple of steps towards them again. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“Don’t,” Makenna said to me, fully aware that I was singling out her husband now.

“No, Ken,” I made eye contact with Derek now. “You don’t know what Garrett needs, you don’t even know him. You don’t know any of us.”

“John, stop,” Pat said, but I ignored it.

“I don’t even think you know your own wife,” I said. “So why don’t you just stay out of it. Or better yet, why don’t you leave. You really don’t even belong here.”

Derek was about to stand up and say something back but Makenna turned to him.

“Don’t Derek,” she said, with her hands on his shoulders, “he’s just upset.”

Jared had stood up instead and walked around the fire, stopping in front of me. “John,” he said, quiet enough so that only I would hear. “You should go.”

I stood there staring at him for a minute and it was obvious he wasn’t going to move until I left. I nodded. “Fine.” I took one last glance at the rest of them before turning and striding across the lawn. I was still angry and I wondered what Derek would have said to me if given the chance. I wanted to say so much more. I wanted to tell him she was mine. Tell him that she would never really love him because I would always be there in her mind.

When I got around the house I slowed my pace, happy to just not be visible by them anymore. I wanted to scream.

“John, wait.”

I heard her voice behind me and stopped in the middle of the front lawn. Her slow jog came to a halt once she was a few feet away from me. I waited for her to yell at me. Tell me I was an idiot for attacking her husband when he didn’t do anything wrong.

“I’m sorry,” she said, to my surprise.

“What exactly are you sorry for, Ken?" I asked her. I was still angry and her running after me didn’t change that. “Or should I say Micky? Are you sorry for leaving me? For marrying some guy that I don’t even think you care about, let alone love?”

I waited for her to say something but she didn’t.

“Well what, Makenna?” My voice was rising now, “What are you sorry for?”

She shook her head and shrugged. She sniffled and raised her hand to her face, wiping away tears that I hadn’t been able to notice in the dark.

I took a few steps forward closing the gap between us. I grabbed her face and kissed her hard. I felt her grab onto my chest and for a minute I thought she was going to push me away but she didn’t.

I pulled away and wiped her face dry.

“John.” she said in almost a whisper. She glanced behind her, like she was afraid someone might have seen. “I…” She was frazzled.

I dropped my hands. I let out a sarcastic laugh and took two steps back. “You know what, Ken?” I said. “I hope you have a nice life with that guy. And I hope you think of me every single day and remember that you gave up something real for something pathetic and safe.”

I looked at her for a long moment, watched another tear run down her face, and left.