Coffee Shop Soundtrack

I sat at my keyboard and ran my hands threw my hair. I waited for Makenna. Garrett’s words kept running through my head and as much as I tried to convince myself that he was wrong, he wasn’t.

I heard the apartment door creak open and my heart dropped. I didn’t want to have to do what I was about to do.

“Hey,” Makenna’s head poked into the bedroom. “What are you up to?”

“I’ve been writing,” I said, but I didn’t look at her. I couldn’t. “Can you sit down? I need to play you something.”

“Are you okay?” she asked. She could already tell I wasn't, which was why she asked.

I didn’t answer as she sat down on the bed. I started pressing keys, letting the sound of the music fill the room, like a barrier between Makenna and I.

I really should just go home
And play with myself
Better that than stay
And do something else
Cause we can't be friends that much I know
I wish it wasn't so
And I can't take my heart someplace it won't go
Show me to the door

As if a plane crash were timely
There's no good time for bad news
These four words don't come easy
"I don't love you”

I looked up at her for a second. It was a mistake. Her eyes were wet and I knew I was killing her.

Listen to your friends & leave me alone
I'm just a boy
I'm drunk, I'm 24
I don't want to hurt you anymore
Don't waste your tears on me now pretty girl
When I hate myself for letting you go
You can be the one to say "I told you so”

“Stop,” Makenna said, standing up.

I stopped playing and looked up at her. Tears were streaming down her face.

“Tell me you wrote this song a few months ago,” she begged. "Tell me it's about Ashlyn."

“I wrote it about an hour ago,” I said softly.

She put her face in her hands. I listened to her heavy breathing and sniffling.

“Makenna, I’m sorry,” I said. I stood up and reached for her but she backed away.

She looked up at me. Her face was red and her eyes were puffy. “Do you mean it?” She asked, “You don’t love me?”

I felt my eyes begin to swell up but I controlled it. “No,” I lied, “I don’t.”

“So you were lying this whole time?” she asked and shook her head. “I don’t believe you.”

“Makenna, you and I were never going to be together,” I said. My own words were breaking my heart. “We both know that.”

“Don’t do this to me again,” she begged.

I didn’t say anything else. The whole point of writing the song was so I didn’t have to have this talk with her. It would be too hard for me to do. It would be so easy to go back on this.

She didn’t move. She just looked down at her feet and cried, unsure what to do next.

“Go home, Makenna,” I finally said. “To your husband.”

She finally looked up at me. “This is your last chance, John. If I leave right now, you will never see me again.” She took a deep, hopeful breath, slowing her tears. “Just tell me this was all a joke. Tell me you were just scared. Tell me you love me, and we can forget this ever happened.”

I wanted to, I wanted to tell her I loved her more than anything else in the world. But that couldn’t happen. The best life for her wasn’t with me. I wasn't good enough for her.

I shook my head. “I can’t tell you that, Ken.”

Her face crinkled up as she tried to hold back her crying, but it didn’t work. She wiped tears away and looked at me, with her big beautiful brown eyes. “I hate you,” she said, before walking away from me.

That was the last time I saw Makenna Raze.