Blackbird

Her body stiffened and hunched slightly both from the freezing air that was gliding over her bare arms and legs, she had lost her cardigan sometime during her conversation with Harry, and from the voice behind her.

Cara wanted to wallow in her self-pity alone, for the time being, before maybe returning to the eventful conversation she shared with Harry but as a set of hands, one bruised and bandaged, curled around the railing she was leaned against, she knew that it wasn't going to happen. She looked at the bruised hand for a brief second before something registered in her head.

Louis.

“Keen for some more pictures are you?” Cara questioned.

Cara’s walls which had been momentarily, and completely unintentionally, knocked down by Brenna’s mother were instantly back up again. Annoyance ran through Cara’s whole body and her sodden mood changed in the matter of seconds by a man she truly did not want to see.

“Didn't you get enough the first time?” She continued and all but sneered out. It seemed that today it was Cara’s turn to be a down right wanker to a stranger.

Silence fell and Cara glared as she turned to her left. There was the prick that had her picture in the tabloids, Cara felt her insides boil for the second time that night before she saw sometime that shocked her.

Louis’ lips weren't turned into a scowl and he wasn't glaring out at the sleepy city of London.
Cara was surprised to see that Louis looked lost. The same kind of lost that she had felt just moments before. The feeling of missing something without knowing what it was or how to find it. His shoulders were hunched just like hers still were but instead being hunched over from the cold Cara wondered if they were hunched from the weight of the sadness and confusion that was held in his eyes.

Louis’ sad blue eyes scanned over the now empty street for something, or more likely someone. His eyes held the smallest amount of hope but like a flame doused with rain it disappeared quickly as he realised that there was, in fact, no one on the street below.

“What are you doing out here Louis?” Cara wondered while accidentally voicing her question quietly.

Cara watched Louis open and close his mouth multiple times before he drew his eyes away from the snowy street he had been intently searching. He turned gradually and faced Cara. The same lost look hung in his eyes and confusion was still present on his features.

“I saw you rush out from the ballroom, so I came to see if you were alright,” he mumbled whilst he lowered his eyes from Cara’s to the ground.

Cara was utterly taken aback. Why in the world would Louis want to know if see was ‘alright’? The man had not said a single word to her; he had simply glared at her the night before whilst she had the pleasure of being in a close proximity to him for hours. And yet he add the audacity to see if she was ‘alright’.

“Oh, I’m just dandy,” Cara said facetiously.

“No,” Louis whispered as he rose his head and looked into Cara’s eyes, “you’re not dandy.”

While she was annoyed that Louis seemed to care about her Cara knew that her eyes still held sadness that was plain for everyone, including Louis to see. Her eyes constantly held the emotions that she hide behind her façade of smiles and sarcastic comments and it was the one thing that Cara simultaneously loved and hated about herself. While many of Cara’s friends, mainly Brenna, thought that her inability to hide her emotions from her eyes was endearing, the characteristic had caused her so much pain throughout her nineteen years.

More often than not there were individuals in Cara’s life who preyed upon her pain and suffering. And because of this, Cara’s eyes often gave them a vantage point from which they could truly see their spiteful nature it home.

Cara looked up at Louis’ somber face and then out at the illuminated street below. She let her whole body fall against the railing and rested her chin on her small hands. She knew that he had seen her sadness but decided not to comment on the observation.

“It’s a perfect winter wonderland down there,” she said. Her voice took on a wistful tone as she continued.

“The roofs of every house is covered with the perfect amount of snow. Every house has a snowman or an angel. All the branches of the trees lining the streets are wrapped with glittering lights. Snowflakes are falling everywhere and everyone’s somewhere celebrating,” Cara spoke dreamily, an almost welcome change, even to herself, from the sarcastic or flippant tone that she often used.

Another silence hung between them but unlike the awkward silence at the hospital this silence was comfortable.

“I wasn't supposed to be here tonight,” Louis exclaimed suddenly as if he was a child admitting to having eaten the last cookie.

Cara broke her dreamy gaze from the streets and looked at Louis with confusion written all over her face.

“Why are you?”

Cara thought about it and wondered why indeed he was at the Isle Records’ Christmas party. Of course, she knew that he would have had some contact with the company at some point but why wasn't he celebrating with family or friends?

The Isle Record Christmas party was essentially a gathering for the employees and their families. The employees of Isle Records had generally had known each other for years and their children had grown up together. So the party had become a celebration for families, although there still was a little ass kissing in hopes to get a better Christmas bonus, to share together. Even the obnoxious James McOwen was there with his family, mainly because they held shares in the company, but none the less they were still there. So, it seemed odd that Louis would be here apparently on his own, or simply with Harry who also seemed to be here without family.

“My… I… Well,” hurt laced Louis’ stuttered words. “I was supposed to spend tonight with my girlfriend… ex-girlfriend now and my family. We were going to spend a few hours with my family and then come here with Harry and the others but well, that fell through. I was going to spend the whole day with my family but here I am.”

“You came to see if she would come,” Cara stated quietly. It made sense, Louis had looked lost and he was obviously scanning the streets for someone, well his ex-girlfriend.
Louis looked at her, his eyes widening briefly and then a flicker of anger rose in them. Cara thought that the anger was aimed towards her and so she was about to apologise for her comment when Louis spoke again.

“It’s stupid! I shouldn't be here but I couldn't stop myself from coming. I shouldn't even want to see her. She cheated on me, you know? But I still wanted to see her. And then she had the nerve to lie to my face about it. But I still wanted to see her. It’s so stupid but I wanted to spend my birthday, of all things, with her even after all of that,” Louis snarled.

Cara didn't think he was stupid, in fact she understood. She had spent the majority of her childhood wanting to spend her birthdays (and Christmases and Easters and Australia Day and Long Weekends) with people she loved even though they had done nothing even remotely good to her. But after years of disappointment, the disappointment that Cara knew Louis was feeling, in the people she loved and with herself for continually wanting the same thing regardless of the same negative outcome, Cara had learned that sometimes it was better not to want or to wish because all it seemed to do was tear her down.

“It’s not stupid. I know,” Cara paused and thought about what she might say. She wasn't going to tell Louis about her family, she hadn't told anyone about them. She hadn't told Brenna, her closest friend, or the MacSual family, who had practically taken her in as one of their own, the full story with her family and quiet honestly she planned to keep it that way. Of course, Brenna and her family, mainly Siobhan, knew firsthand what her family could be like but Cara had never delved too deep into the somewhat sad story of her life.

Cara opened her mouth to expand upon her statement when she heard Brenna yell behind her.

Speak of the devil, no even think, of the devil and she shall appear.

“Cara, there you are!” Brenna exclaimed loudly, she was swaying just a little and her eyes were slightly droopy. Cara almost laughed, Brenna had obviously had way too much of the alcohol laced with eggnog.

“You gotta drive me home CJ, I don’t what dad to see me…” Brenna stopped her loud talking and stage whispered, “Drunk.”

Cara laughed, a full hearty laugh, as Brenna said that. Lachlann and Siobhan MacSual had seen their daughter drunk numerous times since moving back to the UK, yet every time that Brenna was drunk she seemed to forget that fact and ‘needed’ Cara to help her sneak out to avoid them seeing her.

Cara walked the few metres from the railing to Brenna and slung her arm around her waist, Cara was much too short to be able to put her arm over Brenna’s shoulders even in high heels, and moved her towards the door.

Just before she crossed the threshold to the ballroom, Cara turned to the Louis who was still leaning on the railing and she said something that, on the occasion that she did hear it, made her heart fill with love and an unmeasurable amount of happiness.

“Louis, Bon Anniversaire.”