Under My Skin

I feel a hand being placed gently on my shoulder, but I do not possess the energy to shake it off. My mind is spinning out of control, everything I hate about my life stepping to the front, taunting me. I snake my fingers into my tangled hair again, pulling hard as if trying to pull thoughts from my head. I want to scream, to lash out at anyone within my reach. I want to blame everyone else for the hate harbored in my heart, but I know the only person I have to blame is myself.

“Look at me,” she cups my chin in her hand and turns my face toward her. When our eyes meet, I feel an odd sense of calm wash over me. I don’t know what it is about this outcast girl that makes me heart slow, my mind clear, and my thoughts quiet, but I do know that I would like to find out.

I feel exposed under her gaze, like every secret I have ever kept hidden now has light shed on it. I try to pull my gaze away, but am unable to do so. My eyes scan her face: the beautiful ivory tone of her skin, the silk-like texture of her jet black hair that comes down in a small widow’s peak in the center of her forehead, stunning green-flecked hazel eyes and soft pink lips covered in a shiny black glaze. I stop on her lips, wondering for a moment what they would feel like against mine.

The thoughts of the night she saved me flash in my mind. I had thought she was an angel. Between the sweet melody of her voice, and the flawlessness of her features, I begin to think she is as close as it gets here on Earth. I grow eager to know the kind-hearted stranger beneath the corsets, chucks, and chains, the one who saved an undeserving bully from death, the one whose eyes burn with curiosity as she looks into that stranger’s eyes.

She seems to sense my growing sense of intimacy and pulls away, stammering that she should get to class. Before I can say anything, she disappears through the large metal doors of our prison. I stare after her until the second bell rings, breaking me from my daze. I stand and begin my walk to class, my mind numb to my surroundings.

First period proves to be useless. Aside from the scolding I receive for being tardy, the teacher’s voice is merely a murmur compared to the whirring if thoughts that continue to spin in my head. Drifting through the day, I stare blankly ahead as teacher after teacher ramble on about topics my ears refuse to hear.

Finally, the lunch bell rings and as I shuffle towards the cafeteria, I hear someone calling out for me. The shrill voice breaks through my barrier and hits an exposed nerve. Cringing at the unwanted disturbance, I pause and wait for her to catch up. Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath to calm myself before opening my eyes to see a face flushed with anger only a couple inches from my own.

“Hey Tin-“ I start, but she cuts me off.

“How dare you, you inconsiderate little shit! You think its your business to just go airing someone’s dirty laundry in front of the whole damned school?!” Tina shrieks, waving her hands animatedly.

I roll my eyes, “Tina, no one can say a single word about you without airing some piece of dirty laundry.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean Jon?” her teeth clench and I can see her hands ball into fists.

Amused, I continue, “Well, sweetie, I’m not saying you’re a slut,” I pose in pretended thought then snap my fingers as though I've come up with a great idea, “I've got it! A penny! That’s what I’ll call you! Yes, that’s perfect."

I push past her and continue my walk towards the lunch room when I’m interrupted by her annoying voice once again, “A penny? Like, seriously Jon? Such an insult, let me tell you. I’m so offended I might cry.”

I can almost feel the sarcasm emanating from her words as I turn slowly to face her again. Chuckling I respond, “See this is where that lovely little hollow head of yours fails you Tina. You want to know why I say a penny is a better insult than any?” I sneer, stepping closer to her.

Jutting her chin out in an act of pride, she snaps, “Why?"

Wiping the smile from my face and placing with a emotionless expression and voice, I respond, “Because you’re two-faced, practically worthless, and in everybody’s pants.”

Tina’s jaw falls open as tears well in her eyes. It is only when she slaps me that I allow the smile to return to my face and a loud laugh to shake my entire body. Throwing my head back after a few seconds, I grab my stomach, its muscles aching from the intense laughter. When I look forward again, I see her walking away, head down.

“You wouldn't be crying if you didn't think I was right!” I yelled after her, letting my smile grow when she flicks me off without looking back.

Turning down the hallway once again, I close my eyes and sigh, hoping I can make it to the lunch room without another encounter.