Young & Reckless

That night I sat in my bed, listening to the soft pitter patter of the rain dying down and fading to a sprinkle rather than the storm it was when I arrived at Hayden's house. The only light in my room came from my ajar closet, which made the room dim.

My laptop sits open beside me on the bed with Facebook popped open. Every second is a new insult lining my wall. Never once had I cheated, lied, stole, treated someone bad. Yet, here everyone is in my class calling me a slut because I slept with my ex-best friends boyfriend. Granger cheated, lied, stole, and she's praised.

How come I deserve this?

Oh right, because I'm the one sitting in bed with the lights off, crying and a baby on the way. I'm the one who goes to church every Sunday and obeys the laws of God, but broke my best friends trust over some guy.

I deserve this. Of course I do. I turned to the laptop and once again read each post on my wall, insulting me in different ways. I scrolled down to see the new stream of hurtful words and continued to read. As I scrolled down, one post caught my eye.

From Hayden Jak it read, “Annamarie, you're the single most beautiful person I've ever met. Don't change, someday you'll see it my way.”

What the hell? I was fumed. How could he say these things? Never once before his party had he talked to me, shown that he even knew I existed. Now that Holden told him to give me the time of day he was crawling at my feet and calling me beautiful. How dare he?

How dare I fall for it all? He just wanted another thing to call his. What was I thinking? Crushing on a boy for so long, and now that he's finally paid attention to me I have to let go. Because I'm pregnant. I'm a young pregnant mess.

I press the comment box and type in, “Leave me alone Hayden.” I log out of Facebook and slam the laptop shut. Through my tears I look up and see Jason standing in the doorway smiling my way. Quickly, I wipe my tears and bring the covers up to my chest and a tissue to my nose.

“How long have you been there?” I ask.

“Hmm, a while now.” Jason inches in my room and sits at the edge of my bed. “You can't sit here in the dark and wallow forever Anna.” The dark cascaded around his face, making his features dark and mysterious. His brown hair was the same color as mine, hazel eyes the same as moms and smile that same as dads dazzling one when he was trying to charm someone.

“Says who?” I ask. I smile and try to lighten the mood. It doesn't work, my brother isn't fooled by my tactics. Maybe I should tell him I'm pregnant. No, never mind, I couldn't, he'd for sure tell mom and dad. I couldn't handle that right now. Who knows what they'd do.

Jason's frown deepened as I sniffled, “Hayden Jak called me today.” I could feel my face pale. Every drop of blood had drained from my face. Oh lord no, “is it really true?” He knew, I knew I could never lie to my own brother.

This just gave me another reason to add to my reasons-not-to-fall-for-Hayden’s-charm list. He'd called my brother in order to inform him I was pregnant, insisted that I needed help for ruining my own life with a one night stand and not to forget the fact that he called me beautiful.

I tried faking a laugh, “Since when did you and Hayden Jak start talking?” I ask, I smiled at Jason. Please don't ask me. The shadows in my room made him look as if he were frowning at me, which he probably was.

“Oh Annamarie, don't start that shit with me.” His eyes narrowed at me and suddenly I felt like I were talking to my father. Jason sensed my fear and took my hand that was holding the balled up tissue, “Anna, are you pregnant?”

The heavy sigh in my throat and sting in my eyes gave him the answer I needed. I looked down at our hands, suddenly afraid to look my brother in the eye. “We have to tell mom and dad...” He whispered.

“What! No! We can't. Jason, please no.”

“Well, we can't wait till you start to show Anna.” Jason let go of my hands and stood up, “Tonight during dinner we'll tell them. It's better we tell them now before they figure it out on their own.” Jason looks down on me shaking his head. I bite my lip and take a clean tissue from my pile on the bed and sniffle again.

“Dinner!” We herd mom yell from downstairs. Instantly the smell of pasta and homemade bread filled the senses in my nose. My stomach grumbled and I knew I had to eat and feed this creature inside me often.

I looked up at Jason with pleading eyes. Not to tell them. Not today. Either way I had to face it. I had to tell them sooner or later. I much preferred later.

Jason held his hand out to me and helped me up from the bed. I followed my brother down the stairs and into the kitchen where mom and dad were already waiting for us with their plates full and heads bowed for prayer. In between both of them were plates of spaghetti sat for Jason and me.

Silently we took our seats beside our parents and bowed till Dad was finished with the dinner prayers. “Amen..” We all muttered in unison, then quickly dug into our food.

“Jason, how are your studies?” Dad began the usual dinner conversation, looking up at Jason as he tore his bread. Dad always attained a strict look on his face, his posture, his very being. He was an intimidating man, even so that his own daughter was afraid of him.

“Same as always dad. B's C's and F in math.” Jason returned a smile to our father and combed his brown heap of hair on his head with his fingers. He slurped a noodle on his plate and grimaced when he saw mom flinch in her seat.

Dad growled and mumbled something incoherent, “I'm enrolling you in the all boys Baptist school in town.” Jason nearly spat his food from his mouth. He choked on the pasta and took a sip of water.

“The hell you are!” He yelled and coughed.

“Watch your mouth. Either you're going to the Baptist school or you attend school every day and bring the math grade up to a C.” Jason rolled his eyes and muttered something about staying and bringing his grade to a C.

How could I tell them now that dad was angry? He'd just be begging to send me to an all girls Lutheran school. Mom would be on her hands and knees praying and the very kitchen table. How could they know that their daughter was pregnant.

I eyed Jason above my fork as I brought it up to take a serving full of red pasta. He gave me a slight nod and a smile of encouragement. This brought me no confidence. I still couldn't tell dad. He'd never accept me, never understand. Already I can practically see the fumes starting to rise from his head.

“Anna, whats new in your life?” My mother spoke up and asked me. Never once had they asked about my grades. I obtained an A B average since primary school. They didn't ask about my friends, they knew I truly only had one. They didn't ask why I didn't pray, because I pretended to go to church everyday after school when actually I went to the frozen yogurt bar across the street.

I looked up at my family and swallowed my food hard. None of them looked at me, assuming I'd give the same answer, “Nothing, I hate chemistry, Granger is fine, can I do something this weekend?” Jason glanced at me and nodded once more.

This time I didn't give the same ordinary answer. I looked back down at my plate and twirled my pasta on my fork, “I'm pregnant.” I muttered. I don't think they heard me. All is well, right? My voice was so low even I couldn't hear it. Or maybe that was from the fact that my heart beat was louder than the ticking clock above the sink and the chewing of the three in front of me.

Dad laughed and took a sip from his red wine, “What?” He looked at me and smiled.

“She's not joking dad...” Jason told him. Thank you Jason, he seemed to be the only one never afraid of Dad.

I heard moms fork fall on her plate. Dad dropped his wine glass on the floor. Shards came flying and splattered on the hard wood floor. Red liquid lined the carpet and dads face matched the color his wine once was.

“Pregnant! How, when, who?” Dad fumed, now yelling. “This can't be true... Pregnant? You're only 16. You pledged abstinence to Jesus...” He didn't fully believe, neither did I.

I turned to mom and watched as the blood drained from her face. Silent and unmoving she kept her eyes on me.

“A couple weeks ago at Hayden Jak's party. I was so mad at Granger... I.. did it.. with her boyfriend, Holden.”

“I'm sure you know how it happened Dad,” Jason muttered, still eating his food, unaffected by all of this.

“This isn't the time Jason!” Dad shouted louder than he ever had before. He was now redder than any other shade I've seen on a human. “Who else knows?” He yelled at my direction, clutching the table, making his fingers white.

“Hayden,” I muttered the name. No, I was not proud that the towns teenage heart throb was the only one that knew I was pregnant. “He said he'd help with anything I need...” I couldn't bring my voice up any higher than mouses whisper or look at my dad for that matter.

Dad shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to rid an on coming head ache. The silence circled around the room. The only sound coming from Jason's constant chewing and the clicking of the clock.

“What are we going to do...?” My mom whispered. Finally, she spoke. She too, was probably majorly disappointed in me. Neither of them wanted nothing to do with me. Their perfect angel, their gift from God suddenly turned rotten.

“What are we going to do?” Dad shouted again, almost breaking the glasses at the table with his high pitched voice. “Annamarie is going to leave his house this instant and never come back.” Dad stood up from the table and pushed his chair on the table. He began to head for the stairs.

“John, you're overreacting! She's our daughter!” Mom shouted back at dad, twisting in her seat to fully see her husband.

“Not anymore she's not.” Dad looked at me with disgust. I could feel his anger and hate radiating off of him and on to me. I was not wanted here. I had to pack my bags and leave. With no where to turn. No one to love and support me. I was now a pregnant 16 year old orphan.