Acrasia

I think I might have opened a portal to hell. I mean, how else did I end up in probably the worst scenario I could have possibly imagined. I kept a mental journal in my head, like they did in the movies. I asked a guard for a real journal, but they wouldn't give me one. So I guess a mental one will have to do.

Day Three, I thought. We're still locked up in this prison cell. Brit and Rae are puking in the corner. My Uncle Frank and Mr. Huntington have been talking non-stop about their hip surgeries. I'm still better looking than Chris. Jeremy is still gay.

I sighed, rolling to one side on the cold steel floor. There was absolutely nothing interesting that was worth telling the kids at home about. I thought about asking for a shower and then "accidentally" dropping the soap to see what happens, but I figured that it would be something I regret forever and ever. I really just want to go home, but- no. Nope. Not thinking about it. Nope. I rolled over again, groaning out loud so somebody would notice me.

"I don't have any food, Tyler," Chris muttered. He had been all pissy lately, and I guess I didn't blame him. It must've been embarrassing for his dad to come and rescue him.

"Aren't we going to at least attempt an epic escape?" I complained.

"How on earth are we going to escape?" Uncle Frank rolled his eyes at me.

"I dunno," I shrugged, "Through that air vent?"

I pointed at the air vent in the corner, and everyone spun around like I had just pointed out a treasure chest. Had they honestly not noticed it? It was right there in front of their friggin faces!

"It might actually- No," Chris thought out loud as he stepped up on the bench and examined it from up close. "It's way too small. There's no way we could fit, even if we do somehow unscrew it."

"I can fit!" I said excitedly, my hand shooting up into the air. "Pick me!"

"No, kid," Chris warned. "You'll get stuck. You're almost as tall as I am."

"I'm taller than you," I corrected.

"You're not helping your case," Jeremy smirked.

"Actually, the boy might be right," Mr. Huntington piped up from the back. "He could fit. He may be tall, but he's skinny. One of the scrawniest kids I've ever seen."

"Well how are we going to unscrew the vent?" Chris challenged.

"Well, I have this," I answered slowly, pulling out a shiv I had made out of a toothbrush while I was stuck in the cell.

"You had a shiv the whole time," Mr. Huntington said in a flat tone, "And you didn't tell anyone."

"Uh, yeah. I'm starting a prison gang," I shrugged.

Chris snatched the toothbrush out of my hands and barked orders for me to keep watch while he and Jeremy unscrewed the vent. I was always keeping watch, because Chris thinks I couldn't handle a paper cut. Well, I'll show him. Whenever we got out, I had a plan to give him a HA and a HIYA and he'll be on the ground sobbing and I'll be standing there victoriously with my hair flowing in the wind and lots of women and lots of cake. See, I was born in the year of the rat, and I'm pretty sure that means "most badass person alive" in Japanese. Or Chinese. Whatever those animal years are.

There was a loud thud behind me, and I turned to find the cover of the air vent on the ground. Chris looked from the hole to me, then grimaced.

"You're sure you can handle it?" he asked.

"Yes! Beam me up, Scotty!" I said excitedly, letting the guys hoist me up into the vent.

It was cramped, and it smelled like pee, but I finally convinced Chris that I was fine after arguing with him for an eternity. I started crawling away, but Chris grabbed my ankle and yanked me back.

"What?" I sighed. "I'm fine, I was going just fine!"

"You don't even know where you're going or what you're supposed to do," Chris snapped. He got frustrated with me really easily, but he's been easier on me since he feels kinda sorry for me.

"Where to?" I asked.

"Find a vent that leads outside. Then call Marissa," Chris ordered, slipping a folded slip of paper into my shoe that I assumed was the number.

With that, I started my great trek. I faced cobwebs and I slayed the spiders, and I did it all without a sound. At one point, the vent split up in two directions. You never go wrong with the right, so that's the way I went. Boy, big mistake. Next thing I knew, I was on top of a vent, and next next thing I knew, I fell right through. It was a small room, with an antique looking couch and the kind of fancy wooden desk I usually wasn't allowed to touch. Usually.

"Youth rebellion," I whispered out loud, climbing up on top of the desk to climb back into the shaft.

"Um."

I spun around, pulling my best ninja pose to greet my opponent before they were slain as well. It was a girl, younger than I was, with a pretty face that looked a lot like last years homecoming queen. Who's pictures happen to be saved on my computer.

"Who are you?" she asked, frightened.

"Bond," I answered casually. "Tyler Bond."

The line made her groan, but she quickly checked over her shoulder as if someone was coming with her.

"Are you escaping?" she whispered.

"I'm saving the nation from a deadly gang war," I whispered back.

She gave me a weird look, but quickly helped me climb back up.

"What's your name?" I asked.

"Hannah," she smiled. "Now go, before they find you."

"Come with me," I urged, tugging her hand.

"No, I can't," she frowned. "I have to stay here and cover up your tracks. Now go, be my hero."

I kinda wished that I had done something really cool like kiss her or have a quickie on the desk like in the movies, but instead I blushed like a moron and said something along the lines of "ASDFGHJKL".

I began my trek again, crawling through the smelly air vent and listening to the room I was just in. Hannah was covering up for me, like she promised. She was saying that the vent just fell and almost hit her, and that it must've been loose. The man seemed unamused, and it sounded like he was pursuing her. I hated to know what he had in mind.

After crawling for hella days, I finally found the light at the end of the tunnel. Except it wasn't the outside, like Chris told me to go to. It was more like an empty lobby of an office. There wasn't even a secretary or anything, and the front door was right there, unguarded. I assumed that the guards were in some secret part of the building, and the dungeon was in some kind of a basement. Chris told me to go outside, but my knees were killing me at that point. I scoped out the lobby for predators guards, and then turned around when the coast was clear to kick open the vent.

The first time really hurt, the second time really hurt, and the third time hurt like a motherfucking bitch, but by the fourth time I had finally kicked open the vent. I climbed out, stretching my arms and legs and taking the first breath of fresh air in a long time. My ninja eyes drifted towards a camera in the corner, and my ninja instincts caused me to duck behind the desk. I turned on my night vision (I eat a lot of carrots) and targeted the door, calculating how far it was. Have I mentioned that I'm in BC Calculus? Yeah. It's the truth. Among having the national high score in Halo, playing six different instruments, and being founder and president of the Christina-Aguilera-Needs-To-Take-Her-Clothes-Off-And-Dance club, I am also a math geek. Are you wet yet?

Anyways, I targeted the door and did an awesome double shoulder roll to the door. I hit my head on the ground on the second roll, but it didn't even hurt so it doesn't even matter. I burst through the doors, running across the street as fast as I could and almost getting hit by a few cars. Once I was a safe distance away, I couldn't help but jump around and cheer for myself. I mean, what a rush. After I had calmed down, I remembered that my mission wasn't over yet. The problem was, I didn't remember what I was supposed to so. I kind of just wandered around, and people just gave me looks of pity like I was homeless. I guess I looked homeless. I like flannel, okay?

Flannel. Chris hated flannel. Chris. I was supposed to call his sister. I suddenly remembered that phone number in my shoe, and quickly dug it out of there. It was our ticket to complete freedom. I was so happy, I kissed the paper, which was gross because it tasted like my foot. I stopped someone walking by, and they froze up like I was going to mug them.

"What?" I frowned. "Is it because I'm black?"

They quickly shook their head, loosening up a bit.

"Can I borrow a cell phone?"