Acrasia

"What do you want?" Chris asked Kid through the front seat window.

"Cheetos. And a Snickers. And a Monster. and a pack of gum since Rae
ate all of my last one. I also want one of those icy things. I love
those things." Chris chuckled and turned to Rae, who was shaking her
head and putting the gas pump into the side of the van.

"Chris, get him an apple or something." She turned to Kid. "You eat
way too much sugar, Kid. Your insides prob'ly hate you at this point."

"This is why we can't have nice things," he said, slamming the van
door with a pout.

Rae put a hand to her chest, smiling. "I feel like a real mom or
something." She let out a fake sob.

Chris pressed a kiss to her forehead and went into the little mini
mart to pay for gas and lunch. She heard the van door on the other
side slide open and Kid popped out the other side and ran into the
store, avoiding her eyes as she watched him slip through he glass
doors with what he would probably call 'stealth'. She knew Chris would
buy him a candy bar because he was actually just a big fat softy and
it made her smile. She watched with vague disinterest as cars came and
went. About two minutes after the door swung shut behind Kid, a black
car pulled up outside and two people went in.

Rae's world stopped at the same time the gun went off.

She was in the transition of moving the pump from the van to the
kiosk, but she froze at the thunderous sound. She stood, the sound
dying around her. And then her feet were moving. All she could see was
Chris on the floor of that warehouse, bleeding out. She was halfway
across the parking lot when Chris burst out of the doors, a hand on
Kid's arm, tugging him along behind and then he reached Rae and barked
some harsh words that she could barely hear but understood nontheless
and soon she was sitting on the floor in the back of the van with Kid
and Chris was driving down the highway at speeds that Rae didn't know
the van could reach. No one said anything. Not until they crossed
state lines a few hours later.

Then they pulled over on the side of a deserted road. Rae stayed with
Kid, who had been a violent shade of eggshell white since the gas
staion, until he fell asleep. Then she got out of the van and joined
Chris. He was sitting on the edge of the gravel turn-off, a wisp of
brown grass behind him. A cigarette glowed cherry red between his
fingers. She sat down and took it from him.

"I thought only one," she said. She looked at it for a second before
taking a careful drag. She lowered her arm and just looked at it,
exhaling slowly.

"I thought you didn't smoke." He took it back.

She shrugged. "What happened today. Something scared the shit out of Kid."

Chris groaned and rubbed a hand over his face. "They found me," he
said finally.

Rae's breath caught. "Who?"

"The Alliance. Jeremy's people. They weren't even in there looking for
me. They were stopping for lunch, like us. And then they recognized me
from somewhere and shot at me and the kid. I took off then."

"But how do you know it was them?" she asked.

"There's some people you just... know. You know what I mean? Like how
you can tell if a person is from the East or West coast."

"So you made them on tan lines?"

Chris shook his head, the ghost of a smile on his lips. "No, no,
that's not what I meant. Like how you can just kind of tell they
aren't from around here. They're out of place."

"Then how come you didn't realize who Jeremy was for so long?"

He shrugged and took a drag from the cigarette and then handed it back
to her. He exhaled before talking. "He didn't seem out of place. He
was comfortable. And he's really good at what he does. He could
probably go to Japan and convince them he was the same nationality as
them. And every time I saw him, I was with you and you make it really
hard to pay attention to much else."

She chuckled and leaned against him, smudging out the cigarette butt.
He watched her hand and when she was done he grabbed it. They sat
there for a minute like that, just holding hands and leaning against
each other.

"So when are you gonna talk about it?"

"Talk about what?" she asked.

He put an arm over her shoulder, not really knowing how to go about
this. "You, Rae... I mean, when I... when I killed someone the first
time-"

She cut him off by detaching from him and standing up. "I don't want
to talk about this right now. I'm fine. Goodnight."

He stood, too. "Rae, please. Please talk to me. You aren't fine. You
act fine, but you aren't."

"And how would you know?"

"Because I'm not fine. Rae, come on. You need to talk to me."

"Shouldn't I be the one trying to get you to talk? God, Chris, we're
defying gender roles. We" She tried to smile, but the look on his face
wiped it away almost immediately.

"You killed someone, Rae. Doesn't that affect you at all?"

"You kill people all the time."

"Rachel, will you please just- shit, don't cry, Rae." He reached for her.

"I'm not crying-" She touched her cheek as he put a warm hand on her
arm and was surprised when her hand came away wet. "Why am I crying."

"You can't bottle it all in."

"Fuck you. What about you. You haven't told me anything about how you
feel and about being what you are and doing what you do. So fucking
no. I'll talk to you when you talk to me."

Chris let her go. "I can't."

"Well neither can I." She wiped her eyes and got back in the van.

That night Chris didn't join her.