Afternoon Tea

Most little girls had tea parties with their girlfriends, parents, siblings, imaginary friends or their stuffed animals. Most would serve invisible tea or water in small cups and fake treats. I was a bit extreme. I would be by myself with a fancy set of tea cups and china that my grandmother gave me, they were white and had roses, and my mother would brew me some tea and make some cucumber sandwiches.

I was usually alone. I didn’t ask anyone to join me or put up animals. I just drank alone, on the lawn as I watched the other kids play in the street.

It didn’t bother me, being alone. As a child, I enjoyed it. I didn’t like the kids around the neighborhood and it wasn’t as if I really went out to see anyway. I liked to read and drink tea. No one understood why an eight year old would do that. I wasn’t part of a rich or fancy family. I didn’t have tea time set by my mother as an English family might. I just liked to drink tea, usually alone.

He came over one day. He didn’t say a word and I didn’t bother either. I just leaned over with my teapot and poured him a bit. He took that as my offer to sit down. And he did. He quietly poured some cream and added a bit of sugar.

For a week straight, we quietly shared tea time in my front yard. I hardly looked at him. But one day I just stopped watching the other kids and turned to him. “I’m Silvia Grace.” I extended my hand and smiled as he set the tea down gently.

“Liam Payne” He gripped my hand and gazed at me with these gorgeous chocolate eyes.

I remember, clear as day, pulling my hand away and laughing. “Payne isn’t a good last name.”

He fought back, of course, he was always a fighter, “Grace is a first name, not a last name. At least mine is a real last name.” It also hit me then that he wasn’t from around here. His accent reminded me of the Queen’s and I think that’s what interested me the most.

“Grace is so a last name.” After that, we both looked away and drank our tea.

He came back the next day and the day after that. We remained silent most of the time. Only speaking up to ask for the sugar or if the other wanted the last finger sandwich.

Our friendship blossomed though. Soon, we were doing other things. No longer was it just afternoon tea. We were playing games and watching movies. As we grew up, we started going out to the mall or out to eat. We were close and that was great.

By freshman year we were dating and the moment we graduated, we got an apartment and started taking courses at the community college. The only thing that never changed was the hour we spent quietly drinking tea from my grandmother’s rose china in the front yard.

It didn’t occur to me that we were ever going to change. Of course, twelve years had gone by and we were still doing things we’d done when we first met. If anything, I would have expected us to advance forward. Become closer somehow.

But one day as we sat in the front yard, our eyes glued to the kids in the neighborhood as we sipped away at some fresh ginger tea, everything sort of changed.

Liam was adding little bits of sugar to his tea. A sprinkle here and a dash there. He had to have had a mound piling up at the bottom of the cup by now. It was the normal silence, so I didn’t find it at all bothering. He seemed bored, but he wasn’t. He was nervous. “I was at the gym earlier.”

“I know.” I said, looking at him with a soft smile. “You met Gary and Jake there.”

He sucked in his bottom lip and nodded a quick nod. “Yeah.” He placed the spoon down on his saucer and looked at me finally. “Jake was talking about something Eve mentioned….” I furrowed my eyebrows together and watched as he rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Were you not going to tell me, Silvia?”

I set my tea cup down and sighed, “Liam, I have no idea what you are on about.” But I did. I knew. Because the problem was still with me. The secret housed itself inside me. “Let me clean up. I think we’ve had enough tea today.” I rose from my seat and reached for his cup.

His fist hit the table, causing the china to jump and clink against each other. “Stop treating me like that nine year old little boy.” I sat down and looked at him. The only thing that was the same about his nine year old self and his twenty-one year old one was the chocolate eyes that filled themselves with so much hurt. “Be honest with me, right here and right now.”

His accent had faded slightly; it wasn’t as strong as it once was. “Don’t be so hostile! If you want to talk to me you can use your words and not your fists.”

“I’m not the one who is in the wrong here. You start telling me the truth, Silvia. You tell me everything right now.” His eyes slowly started to fill with tears. I imagine looking like a blob by now.

“Liam, stop….” I sighed as a tear fell onto his cheek. “Okay, fine. It’s not like telling you will change my mind, Liam. You obviously know.” I reached in the purse that sat beside me and pulled out a baggie. I grabbed the long rectangular shape inside it and handed it to him. “I’m pregnant and I have an appointment for Monday to get an abortion.”

He stared at the test, the corners of his mouth twitching. “You decided this without even talking to me. Without even letting me know.”

“It’s my body, Liam!” I fought, ripping the test from his hands. “I get to chose if I want a baby growing in there. I get to chose if I want to go through with birth or not.”

“It’s my baby too, Sil. That is part of me inside of you, growing, becoming a beautiful baby.” He had the spoon back in his hand. He didn’t look at me as he stirred his tea and took a long swig of it. He tried not to make a face as he realized the amount of sugar entering his system. “You can’t just kill our baby.”

I tightened my grip on the handle of my cup. “I’m twenty years old, Li. I am not about to ruin my life with a baby.”

“Having my baby will not ruin your life!” He slammed his cup down. I cringed.

“It will. I won’t finish school. I won’t be able to do anything I want to. I am twenty, I want to do things, become something before I start a family.” I let my head fall into my hands. The test pressed against my forehead as I tried to control my anger. “You don’t get it; I don’t want a baby right now.”

“Neither do I!” I could hear the anger slowly leave his voice, it was just hurt now.

I looked up at him, bits of my long brown hair was soaked in tea, the warm liquid dipped on my arm as my hair slipped from the cup. “Then why are you fighting this! We don’t want a baby now, then why are you fighting?”

“The same reason you have the test stored in your bag, Silvia.” His hand reached for mine, but I pulled away. “Damn it! Can’t you see part of you wants to keep it? Why would you keep a stick you peed on in your bag, wrapped in another bag? Silvia, be real with me.”

I pushed my chair from behind me and reached for the baggie I had placed on the table. I was done talking, I was done being questioned and yelled at. I’d put the test away and leave. But I didn’t just grab the baggie and leave. It was wedged under a saucer. As I lifted it, the saucer came. Before I could react, it was falling to the ground.

I watched the plate break into pieces on the freshly cut green grass. Rage took over and I swiped my hand across the table, taking out everything I could reach. Liam jumped up, his arms wrapped around me as I started crying. Blood slowly ran down my arm as pieces of glass cut into my skin. He pulled me back and down to the ground.

I tried to fight him, I tried to hit his chest, get away. But he was strong, his arms wrapped around my petite frame as I cried loudly. He whispered hushed words in my ear until I calmed down, rocking me slowly.

In that time, so many words and phrases went through my head. I wanted to call him out, to tell him off. To make him hate me so much, I could live with going through with the abortion. But he was right, as sure as I seemed, as I made myself believe, about the abortion…part of me wanted to keep the baby. Part of me longed for a family, for a little one to wake up to.

Worry filled my head each day. Thoughts that if I kept it, I would screw up, we’d screw up and ruin the child’s life. We were too young. Shows like Teen Mom were all over. Parents fighting and arguing, mom’s raising the baby’s on their own, screwing up, and nearly losing their kids. There were so many reasons why it was a bad idea.

But I had the test in my bag, constantly reminding me this was reality. I wasn’t just dreaming, there was a life inside of me. I could have easily thrown it away, rid myself of the idea of the thing inside me. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t just forget!

I had my doubts; so many times I had picked up the phone and almost called the doctor to cancel. So many times I almost told Liam about it. “Silvia.” Liam had whispered to me when I was finally silent. “Tell me, are you a hundred percent sure this is what you want? Are you completely sure you want to go through with the abortion?”

I wasn’t. But I didn’t want to say it. I didn’t want to make him right, to give him hope if I was going to go through with it. All I could do was push myself out of his arms and walk away. Leave the mess I made, both from the china and Liam sitting on the grass beside it.

“Sil, please?” He begged me, choking on his own words. “Just….” I heard him get to his feet, so I paused. “Tell me this is what you want to do, tell me and I’ll stop.”

I stood there, back to him. “I’m going to stay at my mothers. I need to be alone. I need to be away from you.”

His feet moved faster than mine. He was behind me before I could blink. “Babe, I love you and I want you to be happy. Don’t run away from this.”

“I’m not r—“

“Don’t lie to me.” His head found the nook of my neck. His tears started soaking my shirt as I stood there, “Just listen to me, hear me out.” He lifted his head and walked in front of me. He pressed his forehead to mine and focused his brown eyes on my green ones. “I will never leave you or our baby. I will always be there. You have class, I have the baby. We need to work, we can get a sitter. I promise you, right here and right now that we can work this out. It won’t ruin our lives. It will be hard, we will slip up. But we will love that baby and they will love us right back.”

When I felt like I had already cried myself out, the tears streaming my face were proving me wrong. “Liam.”

“Silvia, we can do this. We can do this together.” And he kissed me.

Out of every kiss we shared, I never felt more passion. It was wet and snotty and anyone could be grossed out. But I couldn’t keep from kissing him back. I couldn’t deny that I loved him. I couldn’t hurt him and that’s what scared me the most. That was why I didn’t tell him. “What if we mess up?”

“Then we mess up. It’s a part of life, Sil. It happens.” His hand found my stomach. “This baby will have the best life we could ever give it. Do you trust me?”

I nodded slowly. “Okay, I’ll cancel the appointment.” I wiped my eyes and looked up at the clear afternoon sky. “Sorry Grammy. I don’t think glue will fix them.” Liam laughed.

“We’ll save what we can.” He pushed a few strands of hair behind my ear and smiled, "First, let's take care of your arm." He closed his eyes before moving away, "I love you so much, Silvia."

"I love you too, Liam."