I'm Slowly Drowning

I hugged myself in an attempt to hold the warmth, I hated winter, really hated it. I don’t even know why I was in the streets, I didn’t have a job nor school, I didn’t have any reason to be walking around outside when I could stay inside. But even though I hate winter, I love it at the same time, I hate the darkness and the cold while I’m in love with the white and pure look it have. I walked over to a bench and sat down, just admiring the beauty of the winter, it was so quiet at this hour, when everybody else was at school or works, doing something with their lives and being useful. I wasn’t useful though, I dropped out of high school, or the Danish version of high school, called ‘gymnasium’, yep, I’m Danish.

Dropping out was probably my biggest mistake in life, but at the same time the best thing I’d ever done, I got away from the bullies, the place where I was the freak, the emo, the different one, the outcast. The only times they ever interacted with me was when they bullied me and called me names, sometimes even going as far as telling me to kill myself, but I didn’t, I wouldn’t let them have the satisfactions of me following their orders by taking my own life. I let out a sight and hugged myself tighter, trying to give myself warmth and comfort, of cause it didn’t work. I got up and started walking towards my house again, my parents believed that I’d went out to look for a job, but honestly I didn’t feel like getting one yet, my head didn’t feel like it could cope with a job at the moment.

I let myself into the empty house, or it wasn’t empty, cause when I opened the door I was basically attacked by my dog, she was a beagle, and a really dump one she was. “Hey, hey Carolyn” I spoke to the dog in a baby voice, only making her wag her tail even faster and jump up of me, wanting me to play with her. I scratched her behind her ears and spoke to her in baby voice again “do I love you? Do I?” She barked yes at me, still wagging her tail.

At least there were those few persons, and a dog, who I knew loved me, my parents were the best and they let me be myself even though I didn’t act like a girl. I hated dresses and pink and cheerleaders and sportsmen and everything else that ‘normal’ girls loved. What I enjoyed was music, preferably emotional and rock, basically dark music, emo-music. As for boys, I didn’t care about looks, I didn’t care about genders, all that mattered was the soul

I checked the time on my phone, 11:50; I had ten minutes to the sale begun. I padded Carolyn, my dog, and hurried upstairs till my room where I opened the computer quickly and waited till the sale opened. A smile leapt across my face 15 minutes later when the affirmation of my bargain showed at my screen, one VIP ticket to the Black Veil Brides-concert in 2 month.

It was a present from my parents, that I could by the ticket with VIP and everything, you see, I was turning 18 the same day, but I felt like someone who was still 16 and insecure about their life. Later today I was going to get a tattoo and my dad had promised me to help me find a nice driving school so I could get my licence and a car. My thoughts returned to the ticket, and I found myself smiling again, I read the description for the concert a few times and at one point I noticed a link in the bottom, a link that was supposed to describe the competition, what competition?

I followed the link and read the rules for the competition, or rather draw. Between every person who’d bought a ticket to their tour, they would make a draw and by that choose three people who would get the chance to follow them for the rest of their tour and stay in LA for one entire month, getting to know the band and experiencing Hollywood. I didn’t believe that I would have any chance to win, but you could always dream right?

If I could live with my saviours for two entire months, first one month following the rest of their tour after Denmark and then one month in Hollywood, the place of my dreams. I wanted to move there when I got the chance, take the chance and try the music career if it was possible. I’d always been dreaming of music, making music, listening to music, living trough music. I wanted to sing, play my guitar or bass, let people hear my songs, open my secret heart for them. All dreams of cause, like that would ever happen.

Later I got my tattoo, I’d decided to get three words written on my wrist, actually a song-title, a title that resembled a lot of the things I’d been trough, a title that would remind me in the future to ‘never give in’.

One month and three weeks passed by incredibly fast actually, the excitement for the concert were building fast and I became more anxious day for day. Exactly one week before the concert in Denmark, the first winner was found, a boy, from what I’d heard he was 16 or 17 and lived in Germany, he was lucky and he probably deserved it more than some worthless girl like me.

The next few days flew and the day arrived. I choose my outfit carefully, a pair of black skinny jeans, a BVB t-shirt and necklace, a leather-jacket and my black boots. I usually tied my dark red hair in a pony-tail but not today, I let it fall down my back in its natural soft curls, teasing it a bit so it would look more puff. I applied the right amount of eyeliner to make my pale green eyes look even greener and bigger, before I applied my crimson lipstick and made sure I’d chosen the right earrings. I wouldn’t call myself beautiful at any point, but I looked okay, better than usual.

“Er du klar?” My dad yelled from downstairs, translated to English, he asked me if I was ready, he’d promised to drive my till the concert and pick me up again when it was done. A smile lid up my face as I answered him “Yep!” and rushed down the stairs. It took 30 minutes to get there in car from my home, but it was worth it, I hugged my dad goodbye, he told me to take care and such, before I hurried out of the car and waved at him. My heart was beating fast and my palms were sweaty, I went inside with high hopes, this was going to be the best night of my life so far.