I'm Slowly Drowning

Two weeks went by without much out of the ordinary, eventless you could say. Except for CC nearly stabbing out one of Ashley's eyes accidentally right before a concert, which was kinda funny to see even though it could've turned out so badly, but it didn't right?

Jamie became more and more cruel towards me and Andy and I spend less time together, we barely talked got any time to talk even when acting like friends while everybody was gathered, that made me really sad and once or twice I ended up hurting myself, but I fought my best not to, I really did.

A good thing was that I became closer with the other guys and Max and Ash gave up on getting Jamie's attention since she obviously only had eyes for Andy. It was easier when he tried to get her attention tho, cause it distracted her so she wasn't over Andy all the time as she was now.

I couldn't figure her out, sometimes she gave me compliments but most of the time she either acted like I wasn’t there or said really cruel thing, while staring me straight in the eyes. I didn't think the guys noticed tho, she was a great actor, I'd give her that.

I really missed talking to Andy in private, and hugging him, it didn't mean anything if we were a couple or just friends, I just wanted to be with him, no, I needed it.

Even though I was with the guys all the time, I felt so alone when looking at Andy, it wasn't fair. For once I actually let a person into my life and relied on him and now he didn't really talk with me.

To bystanders, it probably looked like he didn't talk with me because of Jamie but I was convinced that he didn't want to waste time on a broken mess like me who wasn't worth a bit, at least Jamie had talents, like drawing and acting and she was already pretty good standing in an acting-career, she was perfect for Andy, way better than me.

I should honestly stop thinking about him also, it didn't help anyone in any way.

I tried to get my mind back on what I was doing, currently Jamie, Max and I were helping out in the merchandise-stand, selling things and talking with excited fans that was really jealous of us but congratulated us for winning... I kinda wish I'd never won though, at the moment I was only hurting.

"CC told me that there gonna have a day off tomorrow" Max small talked while folding some t-shirts with Andy's face on. Andy.

"That's the first time since London!" Jamie exclaimed and clapped her hands together, she gave me a look like she'd done so often, telling me that Andy belonged to her, even though I'd never told her about my feelings for him.

"Yeah, maybe we'll go shopping, or Andy have been talking about visiting Danny since we're not far from his home only a hour or so" Max explained, I didn't say anything, I wasn't really in the mood for talking.

"I'd rather go shopping tho, I have soooo many things I need before we leave UK in one week!" It seemed like Jamie wasn't possible to talk normal, she was always talking far too loud and with a high pitch voice.

"I also have some things I want to look at" Max agreed and smiled at me, snapping me out of my thoughts, "what about you Alex, you wanna go shopping tomorrow?"

"Ehm, I really don't care" I mumbled "I don't have anything specific I'm looking for." I explained and Max nodded, he knew I was feeling down but I refused to tell him why even though he begged me to.

There sounded a 'Hrmpf' from Jamie and Max shook his head lightly, he was almost as tired of her as I was.

After the show, all of us gathered in a little bar, not far from the venue, the guys had decided to celebrate since they had the next day off anyways.

After a few hours most of us was pretty wasted, Jamie passed out with her head on a heavily drunk Ashley's shoulder, Jake was eating in the bar with a not so drunk Jinxx by his side and CC and Max was dancing around, making complete fools of themselves and leaving Andy and me in a awkward silence at the table, I'd only gotten one drink and Andy had gotten three or so, at least he was the one except for me who was least drunk.

"How are ya doin?" Andy asked after a while and gave me a glance filled with apologises. I honestly didn't know.

"Fine I guess" I mumbled and suddenly found my empty glass really interesting, turning it around and staring intensely at it.

"I'm sorry, I should've played more attention to you..." Andy said. I didn't look up at his face, cause if I did, I'd start crying for sure. He sounded like there was more but he was hiding it from me, he was going to turn me down soon, wasn't he? Going to break my heart completely, cause I'm not worthy...

"I was just working really hard on the new album and then there was Jamie all over me all the time and..." He said, trailing off again, I looked up at him, fighting back tears.

"It's not like you have any responsibility towards me, we're not dating or anything." I mumbled, instantly regretting it, I'd ruined everything now, I was sure about it.

Andy gazed down with a hurt look in his eyes, we stayed silence for an unknown abound of time, just sitting there, drowning in our own sorrows. I must be a good swimmer, seeing that I was still here even though I'd been drowning for years.

"Wanna get out of here?" Andy asked all of a sudden, and surprisingly I found myself nodding without thinking it trough. Andy got up and held his hand out towards me to help me up, but when I hesitated to grab it, he let it fell and a put an emotionless mask on, I think this was the first time where I was unable to read his face and eyes.

I managed to keep my tears back as we played for our drinks and left in silence, walking next to each other without touching even once.

I kept on peeking at his face, trying to read his thoughts, but it wasn't possible, he shut me out. That hurt, I'd ruined everything, I was such an idiot.

We walked without direction and soon after we found ourselves at a park, my gaze fell on the swings and I froze for some seconds. I dwelled in the memories of Andy and me getting having fun at a park in the middle of the night, and went from swinging to confessing love for each other.

"You're crying" it was nothing but a whisper coming from Andy, but it shook me out of my memories and I blinked at him, realising that he was right, I was, in fact, crying. I didn't say anything, I was just looking at him with treacherous tears running down my cheeks.

"I'm sorry" Andy whispered, I closed my eyes and my body tensed up, now it came, he'd turn me down now, I knew it.

The only thing was; it didn't happen. A pair of strong arms wrapped around me, and I immediately calmed down, giving in to the embrace. I opened my eyes as Andy placed his index finger and middle finger under my cheek and lifted my head up. He leant forward and pressed his lips softly against mine, making the butterfly's in my belly wake up again, as I sneak my arms up and wrapped them around his neck, giving more into the kiss.

Andy placed both arms around my waist and pressed me into him, I'd been longing for this so much the past two weeks. The urge to be with him, let him heal me and love me, was powerful and just confirmed my feelings for him, I was madly in love with this guy.

Breaking apart to catch our breaths, Andy smiled at me and buried his face in my hair, resting his chin on my shoulder. I think I was smiling like some idiot, but it didn't matter.

"Lex, do me a favour..." Andy muttered and kissed my neck softly.

"Mmmhm?" I responded, resting my own head on his shoulder.

"This time, I don't want any misunderstandings..." He continued and lifted his head from my shoulder, looking me deep into the eyes as I did the same.

"Go out with me?" He asked, I nodded without any words to speak, Andy lit up in a smile and pressed his lips against mine again, he tasted a bit of alcohol, I noticed now, but it didn't matter. The softness of his lips were the same and the feeling of his cold lip-piercing, was the same, he was Andy. My Andy.

We spend another half hour in the park before we walked towards the bar to get the others and find our way to the bus and fan-van so we could catch some sleep.

I yawned after we'd been walking for ten minutes, did it really take this much time to get there? Andy laughed and stopped up all of a sudden.

"Why are we stopping?" I asked tiredly and choke another yawn.

"Get up" he responded and turned his back towards me, hinting me to crawl up so he could give me a piggyback-ride to the bar.

"I'm way too hea-" I started, cut off by Andy who grabbed me and somehow managed to get me onto his back with a triumphing laugh.

I simply sighed at him with another stupid smile that I couldn't control and kissed his neck as he started walking towards the bar.

"Should we let the others know?" I asked when Andy put me down in front of it.

"They're gonna find out some time anyways" he said and pecked my lips quickly "also, I don't want any misunderstandings, I don't want to risk hurting you again" he smiled and grabbed my hand as we walked trough the door into the bar which were in more or less the same situation as when we left it.

It took us about 15 minutes to get the drunken idiots collected and with us out of the bar, rather quickly we made our way to the buses and people fell asleep right away.

Somehow, Max managed to steal Andy's bunk without him noticing and Jamie fell asleep on one of the couches, in the end, Andy went with me into the fan-van. With him kissing me goodnight, I finally fell asleep and had a good night teat for the first time in almost two weeks.

"I love you" Andy whispered from the bunk across from mine, the one that wasn't used. I turned over so I was lying on my side facing Andy, with a smile.

"I love you too" I whispered back and he smiled at me before we both went to bed.

I honestly thought it was a dream when I woke up, but when I found Andy in the bunk across from me, I understood that it wasn't... I was actually with Andy!

Andy turned around in the bunk and opened the eyes, smiling at me and letting those beautiful blue eyes lit up.

"Morning beautiful" he mumbled, making me blush like an idiot.

"Wanna wake up the others and get some breakfast somewhere?" He asked as he sat up and slowly got out of bed with the worst bed head I'd seen in a long time.

"K, I'll just change and them we can go" I responded and got out of bed myself, pushing Andy out of the 'room' and locking the door before I changed into some simple black jeans and a BVB t-shirt.

Andy laughed when I came out from the room and grabbed my hand.

"I find the face on your shirt really attractive, who's that handsome man?" Ha asked over dramatic, pointing at my shirt with his own face on.

"Hmm, he happens to be my boyfriend" I responded and pressed my lips against his, pulling back too quickly and receiving a pout from him.

"Let's go and make the others hangovers worse than they are already, shall we?" Andy asked with an evil laugh. I nodded and we headed out of the fan-van and quickly made our way onto the bus where the others were still asleep.

It took us some time before we decided how to wake them up. Cutlery.

Andy grabbed some and walked into the bunk-area, miming for me to hold my hands over my ears as he tossed them on the floor, making a really loud metallic sound of steel lids from pots hitting the floor. Everyone woke up and complained about how bad their hangovers were.

Andy and I simply burst out laughing, and we just laughed even more when Jamie came running from her former spot on the couch, confused about what happened and with a hand on her head, I guess the hangover hurt?

Jamie sent me some killer-eyes but it didn't affect me, I felt invincible and my happiness couldn't be broken by a stupid thing like glares.

"So what do you say to our plan of going out and find somewhere to get some breakfast?" Andy asked, the guys and Jamie agreed tiredly and everyone decided to meet up outside of the busses in ten minutes.

Ten minutes later, we were all standing outside, while the others debated about where to go, Andy grabbed my hand and entangled our fingers, just looking at our connected hands in silence for some seconds.

"Okay, then let’s take that" Ashley concluded, making me look up.

"Take what?" I asked confused.

"The cafe that serves British breakfast" Cc said "it's a ten minutes walk from here."

"Great!" Andy laughed and I stuck out my tongue at him, we received some confused looks from the guys but shook it off, rather explain things when we were sitting down.

I don't think I've ever seen Jamie look so pissed as she was when Andy and I walked close, holding hands all the way to the cafe.

After getting a table and ordering, we were just sitting, waiting for our food to come.

"Okay, I'm getting far too curious now" Jake said "what's going on between you two?" I giggled quietly and blushed slightly, waiting for Andy to explain since I was way too awkward to speak a word.

"Oh! Yeah, you were too drunk last night to notice, Lex and I are dating" Andy announced with a huge smile and held up our entangled hands, for some reason, he seemed proud of showing me, not that I understood why, I wasn't pretty or anything but he was so adorable, smiling like this.

"What?!" Jamie nearly yelled, before she noticed that we all stared at her with either annoyed or puzzled gazes.

"Omg!" Max shrieked and hugged me from his place next to me "coongrats!" He said smiling and whispered loud enough for only me to hear "I knew it!"

I laughed at him and he stuck his tongue out at me, with a laugh.

The other guys congratulated us, and joked about it, while we ate our dinner I think they made me blush at least thousand times by saying weird things, I just wanted to go hide somewhere, honestly.

"What's the plan for today then?" I asked as we walked back towards the busses.

"Oh yeah, I forgot to tell, but Jon said that we were driving tonight instead, at seven and it's two now so we have five hours to do something if it is." Andy said.

The guys decided to go back and relax to get over the hangover until we were ready to grab some dinner and drive after that.

We all squeezed together in the two couched and armchairs to watch some movie, Andy and I managed to get an armchair so I ended up sitting in his lap most of the time, I couldn't concentrate on the movie tho, cause Andy kept on hugging me or pecking my neck with his lips.

His arms remained around my waist all the time and I couldn't help but feel amazing.

This was the best day of my life so far. I was happy.

We wouldn't tell the fans yet though, seeing that some of them probably would start hating on me and I wasn't ready for that.

We drove on at 7 pm, and went to bed around midnight, since the guys had a lot to do the next day, sitting up for a concert and we were also being interviewed by Kerrang! Magazine, as the three winners and the band.

I kissed Andy good night before I walked over on the fan-van with Max and Jamie, receiving an angry glare from Jamie again, she'd stayed weirdly silent all day, I was kinda scared about what she was planning on, but it didn't bother me. Nothing could bother me now.