Status: Finished! The sequal will come as soon as possible :)
I'm Slowly Drowning
Love Isn't Always Fair
Days flew past me in a blur, 4 days, 3 days, 2 days, 1 day, until one morning where I knew I could count down hours, 10 hours till I was boarding a plane.
Andy and I had spend the last days together, going to the movies, hanging in the park nearby, been out shopping, having fun together. We didn't really see Jamie and Max, since Max was with Shane all the time, hanging out, doing whatever they might do and Jamie was with Ashley, they started dating on the night of the concert and Ash had offered her to stay with him, he didn't want to see her being forced back to an abusive family. I was really happy for both of them, while everything went wrong for me.
Andy and I had been looking at my vacations for next year, since school started in one month, but he was out touring all of the time and it didn't give us the possibility to be together in the vacations, he'd found a nice apartment though and he would move in the weekend after Max and me left LA.
"Morning, Babe" Andy whispered as I turned around in bed, blinking a few times to let my eyes get comfortable with the light.
"Morning" I whispered back, with my voice cracking a bit even though I tried to hide that I was near tears, seeing that my plane left at 8 pm and it was around 10 am now, which gave us 10 hours.
"So, the plans for today is-" Andy begun, but I cut him off.
"Packing" I said, tears fighting their way to my eyes, running down my cheeks, "packing and leaving everything" I cried.
"Leaving doesn't mean the end" Andy said, wiping some of my tears away.
"Andy, we're going to be apart for over a year, maybe even two years, no one can keep a long distance relationship for so long without even seeing each other once" I said, I knew I was right, and Andy knew it just as well as I did.
"I don't want to break up with you" he whispered with despair and pain in his voice and eyes.
"I don't want to either" I whispered back, "but I... I can't stay Andy, I hate myself for not staying, but I can't, it's a promise I made to myself and my parents, I won't break it." Andy smiled sadly at me.
"I know, Lex, and I won't force you to stay, but I'll wait for you, even if we break up now, I'll be here when you're ready" he said and the tears that finally calmed down, sprung forward again, "I promise you that, Alexandra, I'll wait forever on you"
"I'll wait even longer for you" I whispered back with a smile.
This was the most depressing day I've ever had to face, when we finally fought our way out of bed around noon, we started pacing my things and we were done around 5 pm, leaving us with only three hours.
Around six, we met up with everybody else and I guess none of them expected that they'd have to say goodbye to not only Max, but me as well, at least they seemed confused when I came with my suitcases.
Around seven, we arrived at the airport and after that, everything seemed to pass by far too fast, like time had these past two months.
I hugged everybody goodbye, Jon, Jinxx, Sammi, Jake, Ella, Cc, Lauren, Ashley, Jamie, Shane and last Andy who didn't let go at first, but instead crushed me into him, he wiped my few tears away and pecked my lips quickly.
"I love you, forever" he whispered, only loud enough for me to hear it.
"Forever" I whispered back with a tear-filled smile, before he had to let go of me and Max and I started to walk away, leaving it all.
We found our seats in silence, I sat by the window where I had the possibility to look out. But all I saw was Andy, his face and his eyes, I broke down and started sobbing uncontrollably, Max padded my back, also crying himself, but where Max couldn't stay in LA, cause he wasn't old enough, this was my own choice.
I closed my eyes and let everything reappear for my eyes.
Memories of Andy and me, singing together on stage in Copenhagen shifting into us fooling around at venues or in the tour-bus.
Pictures of a late night in a park where we confessed our feelings, leading to nights where I felt down and he helped me, us telling everybody that we were a couple.
I recalled how he'd protected me from the hate starting on twitter when the fans found out and how worried he'd been when I was at the hospital.
Remembering the nights we spend together, he was my first, my first love, my first everything.
He even gave me an example of the album, making sure that I had Rebel Love Song.
When I met Andy Biersack, I was a broken girl and I was drowning, drowning in my own mind. But Andy held out a hand and he taught me how to swim and gave me a hope, when he wanted to pull be out of the water and bring me with him, I didn’t accept it, I wanted to make it on my own, I wanted to find my own way out of the water, I’m not drowning anymore, I’m swimming and soon, I’ll get out.
I faced another heartbreaking goodbye when Max and I parted in Germany before I boarded the last plane that took me to Copenhagen again.
As I left the airport, I instantly ran into my father’s arms, crying my eyes out and being half dead while he drove home.
For the first time in two months, I slept in my own bed, in my own room, alone except for Carolyn who curled up at me feet as I drifted off to a sleep, filled with what was now the past and only memories, I felt my heart break over and over, and I didn't know how to get up the next morning, I didn't know how to keep on living.
This wasn't an end though, this was a new beginning of a new me.
Andy and I had spend the last days together, going to the movies, hanging in the park nearby, been out shopping, having fun together. We didn't really see Jamie and Max, since Max was with Shane all the time, hanging out, doing whatever they might do and Jamie was with Ashley, they started dating on the night of the concert and Ash had offered her to stay with him, he didn't want to see her being forced back to an abusive family. I was really happy for both of them, while everything went wrong for me.
Andy and I had been looking at my vacations for next year, since school started in one month, but he was out touring all of the time and it didn't give us the possibility to be together in the vacations, he'd found a nice apartment though and he would move in the weekend after Max and me left LA.
"Morning, Babe" Andy whispered as I turned around in bed, blinking a few times to let my eyes get comfortable with the light.
"Morning" I whispered back, with my voice cracking a bit even though I tried to hide that I was near tears, seeing that my plane left at 8 pm and it was around 10 am now, which gave us 10 hours.
"So, the plans for today is-" Andy begun, but I cut him off.
"Packing" I said, tears fighting their way to my eyes, running down my cheeks, "packing and leaving everything" I cried.
"Leaving doesn't mean the end" Andy said, wiping some of my tears away.
"Andy, we're going to be apart for over a year, maybe even two years, no one can keep a long distance relationship for so long without even seeing each other once" I said, I knew I was right, and Andy knew it just as well as I did.
"I don't want to break up with you" he whispered with despair and pain in his voice and eyes.
"I don't want to either" I whispered back, "but I... I can't stay Andy, I hate myself for not staying, but I can't, it's a promise I made to myself and my parents, I won't break it." Andy smiled sadly at me.
"I know, Lex, and I won't force you to stay, but I'll wait for you, even if we break up now, I'll be here when you're ready" he said and the tears that finally calmed down, sprung forward again, "I promise you that, Alexandra, I'll wait forever on you"
"I'll wait even longer for you" I whispered back with a smile.
This was the most depressing day I've ever had to face, when we finally fought our way out of bed around noon, we started pacing my things and we were done around 5 pm, leaving us with only three hours.
Around six, we met up with everybody else and I guess none of them expected that they'd have to say goodbye to not only Max, but me as well, at least they seemed confused when I came with my suitcases.
Around seven, we arrived at the airport and after that, everything seemed to pass by far too fast, like time had these past two months.
I hugged everybody goodbye, Jon, Jinxx, Sammi, Jake, Ella, Cc, Lauren, Ashley, Jamie, Shane and last Andy who didn't let go at first, but instead crushed me into him, he wiped my few tears away and pecked my lips quickly.
"I love you, forever" he whispered, only loud enough for me to hear it.
"Forever" I whispered back with a tear-filled smile, before he had to let go of me and Max and I started to walk away, leaving it all.
We found our seats in silence, I sat by the window where I had the possibility to look out. But all I saw was Andy, his face and his eyes, I broke down and started sobbing uncontrollably, Max padded my back, also crying himself, but where Max couldn't stay in LA, cause he wasn't old enough, this was my own choice.
I closed my eyes and let everything reappear for my eyes.
Memories of Andy and me, singing together on stage in Copenhagen shifting into us fooling around at venues or in the tour-bus.
Pictures of a late night in a park where we confessed our feelings, leading to nights where I felt down and he helped me, us telling everybody that we were a couple.
I recalled how he'd protected me from the hate starting on twitter when the fans found out and how worried he'd been when I was at the hospital.
Remembering the nights we spend together, he was my first, my first love, my first everything.
He even gave me an example of the album, making sure that I had Rebel Love Song.
When I met Andy Biersack, I was a broken girl and I was drowning, drowning in my own mind. But Andy held out a hand and he taught me how to swim and gave me a hope, when he wanted to pull be out of the water and bring me with him, I didn’t accept it, I wanted to make it on my own, I wanted to find my own way out of the water, I’m not drowning anymore, I’m swimming and soon, I’ll get out.
I faced another heartbreaking goodbye when Max and I parted in Germany before I boarded the last plane that took me to Copenhagen again.
As I left the airport, I instantly ran into my father’s arms, crying my eyes out and being half dead while he drove home.
For the first time in two months, I slept in my own bed, in my own room, alone except for Carolyn who curled up at me feet as I drifted off to a sleep, filled with what was now the past and only memories, I felt my heart break over and over, and I didn't know how to get up the next morning, I didn't know how to keep on living.
This wasn't an end though, this was a new beginning of a new me.