A Match Into Water

"Do you understand what I'm saying?"

I didn't respond, only able to stare blankly at the doctor. His words made sense in my head, but the rest of me still couldn't comprehend them. A broken nose, arm, rib. A bruised lung. A shattered Jaime.

"Yeah, we get it," Tony answered for me.

The doctor nodded, adjusting his glasses on the bridge of his nose. "Well, I'll leave you two to talk for a minute, then."

I turned to Tony after the doctor had walked away, wanting to try and figure out what the hell we were supposed to do now. The doctor had said that it would take some time for Jaime's condition to stabilize. But he was going to be okay. I had to keep reminding myself that. Had to keep telling myself that there was some silver lining to this awful mess.

Tony had a weird expression on his face, and he spoke before I could get a word out. "We need to talk outside. Now."

Something in his voice was accusatory, and it rubbed me the wrong way. Nevertheless, I followed him out of the building and to the parking lot, which was still dark.

"I don't like this," he said, shaking his head at me. "I don't like this at all."

"Yeah, well maybe if you'd called the cops sooner, we wouldn't be here," I snapped, annoyed.

"Back off, Vic!" he snarled. "This is your fucking fault, and you know it!"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I shouted, not caring that the two other people in the parking lot turned to stare at me.

"I heard what his dad said, alright? About you and that fucking picture. You're only out for yourself, you always have been! First with me, now with Jaime. All he ever did was love you, don't you get that? He used to come over to my place, talk about all the things you said to him..." Tony was crying now, which only seemed to make him angrier. "And look where it landed him- in the fucking hospital. You took everything from him!"

Tears were streaming down my face as Tony's words sunk in, deeper and more painfully than a blade ever could. I couldn't even respond, just stare at the silhouette of a friend I once knew. I listened to him cry in the darkness, not daring to make a sound myself. It was so raw, so jagged, that the noise felt as though it was physically tearing into me, slicing up my heart.

He eventually quieted down, and I saw him straighten, illuminated by the few street lamps that lit the parking lot.
"I'm sorry," he said, so softly that I didn't know if it was him or just the wind. "I- I didn't mean that. I just- this whole thing has gotten out of control."

"It's okay," I said, taking a few steps closer to him.

"No, you're right, okay? I should've called sooner."

I shook my head. "This isn't your fault, and it isn't mine. The only one to blame is Jaime's dad, and he's gone now."

Tony nodded slowly, but he still seemed pretty shaken up. He followed me as I started to walk back toward the building, footsteps echoing in the otherwise silent air. I pushed through the revolving door, riding the elevator back up to the floor where I knew the doctor would be waiting.

When we arrived, he looked excited to see us, although a little confused as to where we'd gone.
"Good news," he exclaimed, still managing to maintain his calm medical demeanor. "Jaime's condition has greatly improved."

Tony and I both grinned, although I could see that his eyes were still red from crying.

"He's awake right now, if you'd like to see him."

I glanced in through the window on the door to see Jaime sitting upright in the bed, drinking some Gatorade that the nurse had given to him. I nodded eagerly in response to the doctor's question, as did Tony. I could tell that he was as worried as I was.

The doctor held up a hand, halting our excitement. "I think, given his current mental state, it would be best if only one of you were to go in."

My train of thought came to a screeching halt, and I had an urge to argue with him. Why couldn't we both see him? Hell, we'd both brought him here, hadn't we?
But I knew that it was no use arguing, so I gestured to the door with my hand, letting Tony know that he could be the one to go in. Besides, Jaime would probably much rather see him than me at this point.

Tony shook his head. "No way. I've never seen anything like I have between you two. He needs you right now, not me. So get your ass in there."

The doctor cringed at Tony's language, but Tony wasn't paying him any attention. He was giving me an encouraging look, and I finally submitted. After taking a moment to collect myself, I pushed open the door.

"Jaime?" I said softly.

He looked startled, and I guiltily bit my lip. The doctor had been right; one person in here at a time was more than enough. He appeared to be less tense after realizing that it was just me, but still seemed a little on edge.

I slowly made my way to a seat next to his bed, sitting down next to him.
"How are you?" I asked nervously.

He tried to shrug, but grimaced in pain when he attempted to lift his shoulders. He sighed, leaning against the pillows propping him up. He looked helplessly down at his body, which was now covered in casts. I could still see the bruises peeking out from behind the stark white plaster, and my heart dropped to my stomach. If I'd just gotten there sooner...

"The doctor said you're doing a lot better," I offered, trying to comfort him. I didn't know what to tell him, didn't know what words I could possibly string together to make him believe that everything was okay.

I didn't like the distant look that was forming in his eyes, as though he was trapped in some dark corner of his mind. He looked away, turning his head to the side so that it faced the wall instead of me.

"Jaime..." I trailed off, not knowing what to say. Did he want me to leave?

"When can I go home?" he asked after a few moments, still not facing me.

"I- I don't know," I answered honestly.

I could sense that this made him upset, although he wasn't saying it. I couldn't wrap my head around why he'd even want to go back to that place. All he'd ever been was miserable there- and yet when he spoke again, there was obvious pain in his voice.

"Nobody here will tell me anything," he said, his voice cracking at the end.

"I'm sorry, baby," I whispered, taking his hand in mine. "But they know what's best."

He nodded, although I didn't think that he really believed me. I rubbed circles on the back of his hand with my thumb, trying to get him to relax. I wasn't sure if it worked, but we passed some time in silence like that, just sitting. I wasn't sure whether he actually wanted me there or not, but he didn't say anything.

The only sound came later when the door to the room opened and a nurse entered. She turned to me with that false persona of kindness that all nurses have. "I'm sorry, but Jaime needs to rest now. I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

I nodded, rising from my seat. I didn't want to go, but if it was what's best for Jaime, then I'd do it.

"No," came a small voice next to me.

The nurse and I both turned to look at Jaime, who was staring desperately at the door. "I'll sleep, just- just don't make him leave."

The nurse sighed, but nodded. "Alright, but I better not hear any talking."

We both quickly agreed, as if we were small kids in grade school. The nurse pressed a button on the side of the bed so that it reclined, and soon Jaime was lying down. He closed his eyes, following the nurse's instructions. He hadn't removed his hand from mine, and I felt him squeeze it gently. I smiled at him, even though I knew that he couldn't see. The pressure subsided after a minute or two, and I heard his breathing slow.

I couldn't help but look at him while he slept. Even though his face was covered in nasty bruises, I could still see the innocence that unconsciousness gave him. When he was like this, he didn't know that he was in the hospital, didn't remember the awful beating that he'd just taken. I wished that he could have maintained this naivety while he was awake, too.

I settled into the plastic chair that I was sitting in. If Jaime wanted me here, then there was no chance in hell that I was leaving. It wasn't the most comfortable, but the nurse handed me a pillow which I was able to stick behind my head.

I had a hard enough time falling asleep in my own bed, which made falling asleep in a chair next to impossible. I simply rested my eyes, resigning myself to endlessly over-thinking the situation. I'd just come up with yet another reason why this was my fault when I heard a noise from next to me. I cautiously opened my eyes, turning to look at Jaime next to me.

He was still asleep, but his face was tense. As I watched, he began mumbling to himself. At first, I was unable to make out what he was saying, but it eventually grew louder.

"N- no. Please, stop, m- make it stop, I'm sorry, make it s- stop."

I saw a tear leak out of the corner of his eye, and I shuddered as I realized what he must be remembering. I gently shook him, trying to wake him up. I wasn't going to sit here and watch him be tortured- not again.

He gasped, stiffening, his eyes flying open wide. The heart-rate monitor on the wall spiked, his pulse quickening. He stared in front of him in fear, his body starting to shake. Tears streamed down his face, and his breathing was abnormally fast.

"It's okay, it was just a nightmare," I tried to comfort him.

But he wasn't listening, still looking at the empty space in front of him. I knew what memories he was reliving in his mind; the utter terror in his eyes made it clear. He was trembling, and I put a hand on his shoulder. He spun towards me, eyes clouded with panic and tears.

"It's okay," I soothed again. "You're here with me now, you're safe. I promise, I won't let anyone hurt you."

Jaime leaned his head against the pillows, putting a hand to his eyes in frustration. He struggled to keep from crying, but it was a wasted effort. I watched as he couldn't do anything but let it all out, expose all his broken memories that he'd kept hidden for so long. The pain in his eyes as he cried weighed heavily on me, and I couldn't help but think about all the times that he'd needed me and I hadn't been there. All the nights when his dad had stumbled home drunk, I could've protected him. I could've prevented the damage on his body, which would take a while to heal. I could've prevented the scars on his mind, which would never fully fade away.

I wrapped my arms around him, holding tightly together the pieces of my broken lover. He leaned into my embrace, and I softly kissed him on the top of his head. I held him there, letting him soak my shirt with tears. It was the least I could do for him. He clung to me as though I was the rock keeping him grounded in a storm, as though without me he'd unravel. It felt good to know that this time, I was here for him when he needed me.

I only pulled away when the door opened again and the doctor appeared, carrying a file folder. He pulled up a rolling chair opposite where Jaime was laying, holding out a hand for him to shake. After Jaime had responded in kind, the doctor turned to me. "Would you give us some time to talk? I think someone's looking for you in the waiting room."

I gave Jaime a reassuring look as I rose and left the room, although I was nervous about leaving him alone. However, I knew that the doctor was quite capable of taking care of him.

I made my way to the waiting room, where I saw Tony talking to someone in the corner. I walked closer only to realize that the other person was my brother.
"What're you doing here?" I asked, looking him up and down in confusion.

Mike shifted his weight awkwardly. "I, uh, heard about your boyfriend from Tony."

I turned my stare to Tony, who shrugged. "I thought he should know."

Even though I agreed, I could tell that Mike was pretty uncomfortable here.

"Anyways," Mike continued, picking up a bag that was on the floor next to him and holding it out to me. "I brought you some of your stuff, I didn't know how long you'd be here. And don't worry, I straightened things out with Mom."

I smiled, taking the bag from him. "Thanks."

Mike turned to leave, glad to be able to finally get out. "Yeah, no problem. Tell the geek I say hi, okay?"

"Sure," I said, waving as he left.

I unzipped the bag, which Mike had unceremoniously shoved clothes into.
"I'm going to go change," I told Tony, eager to get out of these clothes. Not only did they probably smell, but I needed to get rid of anything tied to last night.

"Wait a second," Tony held up his hand. "There's something I have to tell you first, you need to know."

I ran my tongue over the back of my teeth; I did not like the sound of that.

"After you went in to see Jaime last night, the doc came and talked to me again," Tony explained carefully, trying to gauge my reaction. "He said that Jaime can't stay with his dad anymore, and..."

I narrowed my eyes as he trailed off, as though afraid to finish his sentence. "And what?"

Tony grimaced before continuing. "And if his condition stays stable, he's going to go live with his aunt in New York."

I stared at him in shock. New York? That was all the way on the other side of the country! They couldn't send him that far away, could they?

"There's more," Tony said, his tone regretful. "He's- he's supposed to leave tomorrow."