A Little Too Late

Summer was officially over and in less than six hours, I would be waking up to attend the first day of my senior year. It’s exciting, right? Only nine months to go and then I’ll be free. No more school, no more teachers and finally moving out and going to college. After all these years of sitting in desks and waiting, it’s finally here. I should have my clothes picked out, my bag ready and my makeup placed on my bathroom sink, ready to use as soon as I wake up. But nothing was picked out and I was absolutely dreading going to sleep because then I’d wake up and I’d have to get ready for school, only to see and possibly talk to Bryce for the first time in over two months. Sure we talked here and there while he was away. Actually, we only talked five times; when I called him the day after he left to see how his flight was, when I called him a week after that to see how things were going, when I called him three weeks after that to see how things were going again, when I called him a week after that just to talk and when he called me the day after that to ask me to stop calling him because he needed time to think. That we’d talk when he got back.

That’s the first time Bryce Dennin had ever made me cry.

He wasn’t going to be home for another three weeks or so, and he didn’t want to talk until then? I got that he was probably embarrassed or even hurt that I didn’t say anything when he told me he loved me – which I probably should’ve said something – but was that really a reason to cut me off completely? And what if this ‘time’ continued after tomorrow? What if he completely avoided me when we saw each other in school again? It’s likely, because he’d been home a little over a week and still hadn’t come over or called me. Stop, Britt, I instructed myself silently. Bryce wouldn’t do that. He isn’t like that. He said we’d talk when he got back and he’s probably just been busy unpacking his things and getting ready for school. Focus on the positive that came out of you guys not talk.

That thought made me smile a bit to myself. Not being able to be around Bryce and not being allowed to talk to him had been driving me crazy. I’d hang out with my other friends when I could in hopes to get Bryce off of my mind but it never worked. No matter what we did, I’d always find something stupid to remind me of Bryce, even though I stayed away from the diner and didn’t do anything that Bryce and I regularly did together. Until one day when the weather was great, all my friends were busy and I was missing Bryce like crazy, I decided to go to the mountain, regardless of the terrible memories one visit had. I got there (after much tripping) around noon and I didn’t leave until it was dark. Enjoying the peace and quiet and just remembering better times with Bryce caused me to wander into my feelings. I don’t think I loved him, obviously, but did that mean that I simply didn’t have feelings for him at all? I never considered him as more than a best friend but that’s only because I never suspected that he had feelings for me. And the more I thought about it, the more I started realizing everything. I realized how attractive he really was – his brown hair that stuck up in every direction, his blue eyes that had flecks of green in them, his gorgeous smile with straight teeth except the one tooth that was slightly crooked. That added onto his personality – his jokes that were so stupid you just had to laugh, how caring he was and how he didn’t care what anybody thought of him – I have no clue how I never considered him more than just best friend material until now.

I didn’t think I was in love with him but I knew that I liked him more than just as my best friend. And I couldn’t wait to tell him.

I had been fighting with myself all night about whether I should call him and tell him or just wait until tomorrow so I can say it to his face. I knew that, especially with how things ended when he confessed he loved me, it was a much smarter idea to wait until I can talk to him face-to-face but I knew he was awake right now. He never went to sleep before 2 am even during the school year. He stays up watching as much Adult Swim as he can before he finally crashes.

I looked over at my phone then grabbed it and went to his number, my thumb hovering over the Call button for a few seconds before locking my phone and setting it back in place as I got comfortable to go back to sleep. Just wait until tomorrow to tell him. Everything will be fine. It’s only a couple of hours. Just wait.

That was my second mistake.