The Reason

"Matt? What... what are you doing here?"

"I tried to avoid but it was stronger than me... I was worried about you and-"

"You followed me?"

"What did you want me to do? You don't know that guy. You don't know what he is capable of doing and-"

"Matt, I can look after myself. Don't worry, it's everything okay."

"Are you sure? Natasha, you don't need to do this. I know that y-"

"Matt, go home. Seriously... we talk about it later, okay? "

"Do what you want." - Matt pulls away from me and starts walking towards the exit of the restaurant. I run after him, grabbing his arm to stop him but he shakes it, making me let him go. I stop for a moment, watching him go. He gets into the car, closing the door with some violence and starts the car with such speed that leaves me breathless. He's right. I'm making a big mistake and all because I feel lonely and needy. All because I miss attention. I am vulnerable and people get to see it. Maybe Jimmy didn't want to abuse about it but... how could I be so stupid and have accepted this invitation? Not to mention how I feel right now to see Matt here, worried about me. I confess that it hurts to see him here and ask him to go away like he was nothing. I confess that I felt more than I wanted seeing the evil that I'm doing. For more desire I have to leave, I cannot do this. Jimmy has been a sweetheart to me. For the first time in this city, someone asks me to go out... I cannot just leave without a reason.

I come back to the terrace where Jimmy is, for sure, desperately waiting for me. I'm so lost in my thoughts that I don't even see what's going on around me. When I go to leave the restaurant to the terrace, I feel my body hitting another.

"I'm so sorry, sir." - Without looking at the person I had gone against, I start walking towards our table, but I hear a familiar voice that makes me look back.

"Natasha? I wasn’t expecting to see you here."

"Professor Baker... well, I... came... dinner with a friend." - I feel so nervous that my voice trembles as much as my body. I turn back and look at Jimmy as I have to give some sort of justification to Professor Baker. He looks at Jimmy, moving a little to be able to see him, since I'm in front of him, and smiles admiringly.

"He is the owner of the tattoo shop on the main avenue, right?"

"Yes, he is. Do you know him?"

"No, but a friend had already talked him. I'm a huge tattoos lover as you already got it..." - Yes, it's impossible not to notice it. - "…And as I had a drag with my tattooist, some friends talked to me about him. What’s his name? Ji... Jimmy, right? "

"Yes, exactly."

"I'd ask you to introduce me to him but it's not the right time. There will be others opportunities, for sure." - The only answer I give is a 'yellow smile' for who don't agree at all with what he said. I wouldn't even care if Professor Baker wanted me to introduce him to Jimmy. It was a good way to spent more time and I'd go back home sooner. But to make things 'better', I see Professor Baker looking to his table and I suspect what he will say next. - "If you were alone, I'd invite you to dinner with us. I'm with Brian.” - He points to his table, and, of course, I look quickly. Professor Haner looks at me and smiles, raising his hand to greet me. I feel goose bumps all over my body and I just smile at him. I look back, in a way to look away from Professor Haner, and see Jimmy leaning his head on his hand, as if he's tired of being there alone. As if he's tired... he's really bored.

"Thank you ... but I'd better get going because..."

"Sure. Don't make him waiting more. It was a pleasure to see you here."

"Thank you, Professor Baker."

We say goodbye and I go back to my sit. I sit down slowly, looking and smiling at Jimmy in a godly way so he can forgive me. He looks at me, without looking up and I see perfectly that he's making a huge effort not to laugh.

"Are you happy? Leave here a man all alone waiting for his maiden all this time?"

"It's better having a man waiting for a woman, than a woman waiting for a man."

"It’s the same, Natasha!"

"Okay... I'm sorry. I had an unforeseen... or rather, two. "

"Yeah, yeah... an unforeseen..."

"Yes, two, actually... but one of them even worth it. I just got you a new client!"

"Don't tell me you're going to get a tattoo?"

"Yeah, actually I liked but not for now. Professor Baker, who was there talking to me... well, he has his body tattooed... "

"What?? That guy ... that guy has tattoos?"

"He has. Many. His arms, at least, are tattooed. But as I was saying, he seems to want to change his tattoo artist and someone suggested you. Not me... but I think I gave a little help."

"You ... are ... an angel!" - Jimmy gets up from the chair and even across the table, grabs my face and gives me a big kiss on the forehead. He is so spontaneous and it makes me feel good on his side. I feel good and I like he has this kind of attitude despite being fussy and not caring about anything or anyone.

But I think this is funny on him. Throughout the night, we talk about our lives. Obviously, I don't tell even half of what was really my life. I couldn't do that, because I want to forget everything what happened. However, he's not a fool and he realized that there was much more to tell, but he doesn't insist. I find out that he's a rebel and has been arrested several times. He may have committed the worst things in the world, despite not having been the case, but he says things with an ease and a funny way so there is no way of getting sad or uncomfortable around him. We stay at the restaurant for hours and hours. I neither realized Professor Baker and Professor Haner leaving the restaurant. However, we are warned that the restaurant will close. Jimmy insisted on paying for dinner, saying that "A gentleman pays for the dinner and never, ever, lets a lady pay for it."
After payment, we left and headed to the car, never leaving part of our conversation.

"I cannot believe you had balls to do this ..."

"Trust me. I had no choice. Or I undressed myself, or the guy would give me a shot. Check how these cops are. They can't see a tattooed and unusual dude drinking a shot as soon as they think we are criminals."

"But, was it necessary to take the boxers off too?"

"No, but the chicks who were in the bar didn't care."

"Oh, of course! I can imagine that... "

"Do you want to see?"

"No, I don't, Jimmy. Thank you. "

"You're welcome!"

***

I come home. After all, it was a funny night. It was worth it and I think I begin to choose the good ways to go. I confess that I was lucky and I believe that Jimmy and I will be good friends in the future.
But regardless of having spent a very pleasant night with him, there's something that is torturing me, even though I try to forget. Even if I try to deny it, I cannot continue to hide what I'm really feeling. I'm completely lost in feelings I can't interpret. And it's like everything made ​​sense but at the same time I lose myself in that sense. My day-to-day changed from one moment to another. I feel things I never felt before. I feel like my life with be a real roller coaster when I feel everything and anything in seconds and I can't stop it.

Matt came into my life by accident. But the truth is I feel something strong for him that I can't explain. I feel protected or more than that. When he hugs me it's like everything around us disappears up. I was able to cuddle him for hours, feeling his whole body pressed against mine, feeling his hand go down my back, as if he was saying 'It's okay'. I want him with me every time I see him. I just want him.

Jimmy... the kiss he gave me this afternoon, I confess which stirred something in me. It was very intense and unexpected. It was something that made me look at him in a completely different way. But everything changed with this dinner. I don't look at Jimmy in the same way I look at Matt. My 'relationship' with Jimmy is more transparent and pure. It's a growing friendship. I learned a lot from this dinner with Jimmy. Enough to delete any illusion on my head.

But there's someone else who makes me lose sense of everything and makes me lose control of myself. The way I feel when I see him. I feel chills in my whole body every time he looks me in the eyes in a so intense and shy way as who want me more than anything else. I'm honest. There is something between us. Something that makes me to want him and wish him. Perhaps the impossibility of having him. Maybe the way he tries to avoid me in a way that I can't understand at all. It's something physical. Something carnal. I wish I could feel him in every way. I wish to make all kind of things with him. But I know I cannot do it and it still makes me even madder. Such a person is, of course, Professor Haner. It can happen to me everything, but nothing makes me forget the intensity of his gaze, his words, his touch, the drawing of his lips, his shy way of being...

I'm going to my bedroom where I put my bag on my desk and wear my pajamas to become more at ease. I go to the bathroom, clean my face and wash my teeth and I go back to the room. It's late but I don't feel sleepy. Many things have happened and I'm unable to lie down and fall asleep. I sit on the couch, clutching a pillow and turn on the television. I find myself changing the channels but my thoughts are focused somewhere else. This makes my eyes look to the coffee table. The last note that Professor Haner gave me and I haven't had the courage to read it. But it goes to happen today. I stretch my arm to reach it. I have it already on my hand. I unfold it and, taking a deep breath, look at him. I don't read the first two sentences.

My eyes fix on an address and a phone number. There is something in the number that calls me to attention. I caught on my phone and I see answered calls. It was Professor Haner who called me when I was in the hospital. But... Why didn't he say something if he knew perfectly that I would end up discovering it was him?
I shake my head as if I’m trying to get that thought out of my mind. Landing the phone by my side, I read the first two sentences.

"Sometimes, as much as I try to avoid it, it's stronger than everything else.
I'll wait for you."