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I woke up the next morning to someone pounding on my door. I checked the time to see that my alarm was going go off in about 2 minutes.

I pulled open the door to see Addy on the other side, “Hm?” I asked, my eyes barely open.

“What better way to make sure you get out of bed than doing it myself?” she said with a small smile.
“Get your ass in the shower and I’ll be back in an hour to get you for class. I also called your therapist and you have a meeting with her after lunch. Have a hissy fit if you want, yell, scream, cry. I can handle it. But I’ll drag you kicking and screaming if I have to,” she said quickly.

I stared at her for a second before I finally nodded, feeling the tears starting to well up. “Yeah,” I said quietly. “That would probably be for the best.”

She gave me a quick hug before pushing me towards the bathroom. I went about getting ready and exactly an hour later Addy and Ellie were at the door to get me.

I got through classes fairly easily and managed to make it to my appointment with Addy only having to drag me a little. She waited outside while I went into the office.

“So, Riley,” Dr. Perry started. “What’s been going on?”

“Well, I was doing really well!” I started, staring down at my hands. “You know that. The medication was working at I was fine. But, I don’t know. A month ago I just started feeling badly again, like the medication just quit or something. So I stopped taking them. I thought I could handle it. I don’t know though. I guess I couldn’t.”

“Why didn’t you call?”

“I don’t know. I mean, I broke up with my boyfriend and that was a mess so I figured, pills or not I was going to be sad. I kinda just made myself feel better by saying that being sad was normal? But yesterday I skipped class because I was feeling shitty and the crying is just happening again and I don’t want it to get that bad again, okay?” I finished quickly, choking back tears.

“It’s okay to cry in here, Riley. You don’t have to be strong in here.”

“I know that,” I muttered through tears. “I just hate this so much. I’m sick of the rollercoaster. I just want to be OKAY!”

“I know you do,” she said quietly. “I understand honey. I’m going to help you get there again. I promise you. You just need to be more open with me with what’s happening. I’m going to prescribe you a different type of medication. I think this one is going to work better for you. Start taking it tomorrow. First thing in the morning every single day. You know how it works. It’s going to take a while to kick in but I believe it will. I also want to go back to our once a week meetings. But you know the before next week, if there’s ANYTHING you need me for you have my number.”

I nodded as she started writing out the prescription. After she handed the sheet to me, she wrote down a date and time for our next appointment and sent me on my way. I walked back into the waiting room, waving the prescription at Addy.

“Can you take me to the pharmacy?” I asked as she stood up.

“Of course I can,” she said, throwing her arm around my neck. “You feeling any better?”

“No,” I said, sad but honest. She turned to look at me with a frown. “I will though,” I said, smiling a little. “I promise.”

The rest of the week went by pretty averagely. Addy kept coming by to make sure I got out of bed, I started my new round of medication, we studied like crazy and I exchanged quite a few casual texts with Tyler. On Friday night we decided to take a night off from studying, have a girl’s night and watch the game. We were three quarters through our second case of beer when the game was over (a 5-1 win with Tyler having 2 goals and an assist). We were still working our way through the beer and cheering loudly and obnoxiously thirty minutes later when my phone started ringing.

“THERE’S MY SUPERSTAR!” I shouted into the phone as Addy and Ellie dissolved into laughter.

“Oh my God,” Tyler said, trying to sound serious even though I could hear the grin in his voice. “So I take it you watched the game?”

“I more watched you,” I slurred out, fighting laughter. “But you were most of the game anyway.”

“Smooth,” he said quietly, sounding impressed. “And also, slurred. You drinking again, Riley Garrison?”

“It’s FRIDAYYYYY,” I shouted before cracking up. I got myself together quickly and said seriously into the phone. “Yes I am, Tyler Seguin. What’re you going to do about it?”

Tyler laughed for a few seconds before getting himself together. “Well, I’m going to pick you up when you wake up feeling like ass tomorrow and we’re going to take Marshall for a nice long walk in the fresh air.”

“Oh my God,” I said quietly. “That already sounds amazing.”

“Well get your ass in bed,” he replied, laughing. “Set your alarm for 11. I’ll be there with breakfast.”

“You are possibly my favorite person ever,” I said.

“Hey!” I heard Addy said behind me, sounding scandalized.

“Oh shut up,” I said to her over my shoulder. “Name one time you brought me breakfast.”

“That’s fair,” she replied and I could hear Tyler laughing.

“I’ve gotta go,” he said a few seconds later. “We’re at the airport. I’ll see you tomorrow!”

“See you tomorrow, superstar,” I said before hanging up the phone.

I laid back on my bed and closed my eyes. After a few beats of silence I opened them to see Addy and Ellie staring down at me with big smiles.

“Jesus,” I muttered, slowly sitting up again. “Be a little more creepy.”

“You’ve got it baddddd,” Addy muttered, trying to hide her laughter.

“I don’t have it bad because I don’t let myself get that far,” I snapped back with a tight smile. I went over and grabbed a water out of my fridge.

“Riley, can we please just have a normal conversation for ten minutes? Without you getting mad?” Addy said quietly, clearly trying to tread lightly.

I sighed as I sat down on the bed. “I know what you’re going to say, Addy. I just don’t know how to talk about it. I can’t explain it to you.”

“We don’t need you to explain it,” Ellie said softly, grabbing my hand. “We want you to listen to us for once, okay?”

“Okay,” I said quietly. “I’ll try. I promise.”

“We just want you to be happy. You know that, right?” Addy started slowly.

“Yeah. I really do know that,” I replied, nodding.

“You need to let yourself close to someone, Riley. Someone who you haven’t known since you were in pre-school,” she continued.

“I did that, Addy. Remember Scott?”

“Don’t even front with that one,” she said quickly. “That wasn’t you getting close to someone. That was you doing what you thought you had to do. Getting CLOSE to someone requires more than going to movies, on dinner dates and parties together. You have to talk to someone. Let them get to know you. Do actual FUN things,” she said, grabbing my hands. “I know for a fact you did not have one meaningful conversation with Scott. You have to open up. You aren’t going to get anywhere if you just shut down when people get to close!”

“It’s not that easy for me, Addy! You guys are so open with your feelings! You know how to tell people what you want and what you’re going through and what you’re FEELING. I don’t know how to do that! That’s not how I was raised. You know what my house was like. I was expected to be perfect and flawless and FINE. So I was. You know what my depression is? A weakness. Why do you think I’m not allowed to talk to my fucking siblings when I call home? I’m going to rub off on them. They’re going to get my weakness. Heaven forbid I cry on the phone because I miss my sister,” I spat out, cutting myself off as tears started falling.

Ellie pulled me into a hug while Addy rubbed my back. “You didn’t tell us they didn’t let you talk to them,” Ellie said quietly.

“Yeah, well it’s not like I even talk to my mom more than once a month,” I muttered. “And I still talk to them over e-mail. Jeremy set one up in school and him and Savannah e-mail me on lunch breaks. My parents don’t know about it though.”

“What you need to understand – and I know ‘it isn’t that easy’ or whatever you’re going to say – is that that isn’t NORMAL, Riley. Being an emotionless drone isn’t normal. Nobody is expecting that from you here! I guarantee you Tyler isn’t expecting you to be this perfect, emotionless, completely flawless person! If he wants to get to know you, he wants to know YOU. Flaws, bad habits, everything included!” Ally said passionately. “The only way to let someone IN is to OPEN UP and let them IN.”

“I know,” I said quietly, grabbing my phone. “I promise I’ll try, okay? But that’s all I can do. Try.”

I went about setting my alarm for the next morning while they started gathering their things. We all said goodnight and they were finally on their way.

Before I knew it I was getting woken up by my alarm. By the time I had my teeth brushed I had a text from Tyler simply saying, “Here.”

I went down to let him in and broke out into a grin the minute I saw him. “Hey,” I said quietly, eyeing the bag in his right hand.

“Hey drunky,” he said with a grin, throwing his left arm around my neck. “How ya feeling?”

“Ugh,” I muttered, heading up the stairs. “I have definitely felt better.”

“Well,” he said, setting the bag down on my bed. “I have the cure.” He pulled out scrambled eggs, bagels, toast and bacon. “I didn’t know if you liked bagels so I made toast too because, come on. Everybody likes toast. The bacon’s just for you. Grease you know. Good for a hangover, bad for my diet plan,” he rambled on, looking around nervously.

“You MADE it?” I asked, looking at him wide-eyed.

“Homemade is always better than a restaurant. Always,” he said seriously, staring me down. I smiled, leaned up and kissed him quickly.

“You are most DEFINITELY my favorite person ever,” I whispered, grinning at him.

“Good,” he replied, grinning back at me. “Now I hope you have Gatorade in your fridge because you’re gonna need to be 100% before we leave here. I have a busy day planned, Riley Garrison.”

“Sounds good to me, Tyler Seguin,” I said cheerfully as I handed him a Gatorade.