Darling, I Adore You

I groaned as I came back to consciousness the next morning and threw my arm over my eyes, attempting to block out the sunlight. Wow, I had drank way too much the night before. I sat up quickly as what had happened came rushing back to me. Casey had kissed me. Nothing had happened after that, we’d just cuddled on the sofa and apparently fallen asleep. But Casey wasn’t next to me anymore.

I stood and walked out of the living room and heard noises coming from the kitchen. Heading in that direction, I came across Casey standing at the hob cooking while humming Defying Gravity from Wicked. I smiled softly and leant against the doorframe as I watched him. He moved his hips every now and then and I bit my lip. Eventually, I cleared my throat to let him know I was there and he whirled round, his cheeks bright red. “Oh, um, morning,” he said before turning back to whatever he was cooking. “I’ve made bacon and eggs and the toast is almost done.” As I watch how uncomfortable he seems, I realised that he was thinking about last night and I sighed.
“Casey,” I said softly and he turned and looked up at me. “Um, about last night…I’m sorry about what happened.” Casey frowned at me and his eyes flooded with hurt. “I mean, we were both pretty drunk, right? Maybe we should just…forget about it.” Casey stared at me for a moment before shrugging and turning away from me.
“If you want to forget about it, that’s fine, but I’m not going to,” he said and I frowned. I crossed the room to stand beside him and forced him to look at me.
“I just think that…maybe we were too drunk to really know what we were doing,” I said gently.
“I knew what I was doing,” he said. “I kissed you. And I kissed you because I wanted to, because I’ve wanted to for a while now. Because I got tired of waiting for you to kiss me. If you want to pretend it didn’t happen, you can, but-“ I couldn’t listen to anymore so instead I just grabbed him, pulled him into my body and kissed him deeply. Even though I hadn’t been drunk enough to not be able to remember our kiss last night, this one was already way better. I could take my time and really appreciate the feel of Casey’s body along mine, his soft lips pressed against mine, his tentative touch on my biceps, then my chest, then settling on the back of my neck. I wrapped my arms around his waist and held him tightly, never wanting to let him go. It just felt so right to be holding him like this and I couldn’t for the life of me remember why I thought I shouldn’t be doing this. No reason could ever be good enough to convince me to stop. “Our breakfast is going to burn,” Casey mumbled against my lips, and that definitely wasn’t a good enough reason. I quickly reached behind him and turned the heat off and then resumed kissing him once again. When I felt Casey’s tongue against my lips, I eagerly parted them and met his tongue with mine. As our kiss deepened, one of my hands cautiously slid down his body until it was resting on the curve of his ass. I waited for Casey to move my hand but he didn’t, if anything, he pressed closer to me.

Slowly, our kiss drew to an end and we gradually separated as we tried to catch our breath. “Woah,” Casey whispered, resting his forehead on my chin. I smiled and buried my nose in his hair, which smelt of raspberries and something that was purely him.
“I know,” I whispered. He took a step back and looked up at me shyly, his lips kiss-swollen and super tempting.
“Um, we should probably eat now,” he said quietly and I just nodded. I watched him for another second or two before collecting the toast out of the toaster and putting it on a plate. We sat at the kitchen table and Casey served breakfast onto two plates.
“Thanks,” I smiled at him and he just smiled and nodded as he started to eat. We ate in silence, but I trapped Casey’s feet between mine as we ate and squeezed every now and then.

We didn’t really do anything for the rest of the day – it was one of the first days that we just hung out at home but after the night before, I was glad of it. I was too tired to do anything more than watch television. Neither of us were hung over, but nor did we have any energy to actually go out. We just got a stack of dvds and worked our way through them as we snuggled close together on the sofa. At one point, Casey drifted to sleep and I carefully got out my sketchpad and sketched him. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever get bored of sketching him… Casey sighed in his sleep and then slowly blinked his eyes open. I smiled at him and reached forward and stroked his cheek gently. “Hey,” I whispered.
“Hi,” he smiled, closing his eyes again for a moment before opening them again. “What are you doing?”
“Drawing,” I said, closing my sketchpad.
“Can I see?” he asked and I frowned slightly.
“Um, it’s not finished yet,” I said and he smiled and nodded.
“Find some inspiration, huh?” he asked and I smiled before leaning forward and kissing him softly.
“Yeah,” I smiled, kissing him again slightly more deeply.

--

For the next few weeks, Casey and I continued to spend time together, only now it was much more intimate. We held hands whenever we were walking around London, we cuddled up close together in the evenings at Casey’s house. I loved it, I loved being able to just be with him. About a month after we first kissed, Casey didn’t let go of my hand when we got to the top of the stairs in the evening. Despite spending all our time together during the day, we still slept in separate beds at night, if only because otherwise things would be going too fast. I turned to Casey, who blushed slightly. “Sleep in my room?” he whispered and I smiled and nodded, following him down the hallway. We both undressed and slid under the blankets and Casey immediately curled into my side. “Goodnight, Ali,” Casey sighed as he rested his head on my shoulder.
“Night, baby,” I whispered, letting my eyes fall closed.

The following morning, waking up with Casey in my arms was just amazing. I wanted to just lie there with him all day. However, we had plans to go and visit some public gardens which were meant to have recently bloomed. I wasn’t exactly bothered by that, but Casey seemed to be looking forward to it and he was still trying to find inspiration for me, so I didn’t want to say no.

In all honesty, the gardens were beautiful and I loved walking through a tunnel of bushes that had overgrown. At one point, we stopped and I quickly sketched a rose that had started to bloom, but truthfully my attention was on Casey, as it always is. Part of me wanted to just ask him to pose for me, surrounded by roses, but I wasn’t sure if that sounded weird… Instead, I just took his hand as we continued walking through the gardens.

We got back to the house at about 4 o’clock and went straight into the living room. Casey flicked the television on, although we both knew we wouldn’t be watching it. “Thanks for today,” I smiled. “It really was a beautiful place.” Casey just smiled and nodded before pressing his lips to mine.
“I’m glad you liked it,” he smiled as he climbed onto my lap and straddled me before deepening the kiss. I rested my hands on his hips as I held his body to mine.
“God, you’re gorgeous,” I whispered between kisses. Casey just blushed and knotted his fingers in my hair before continuing to kiss me.

And then, before I could comprehend what was happening, Casey had been ripped away from me. I opened my eyes, frowning in confusion, and my gaze landed on Jake. He was standing directly in front of me, his hand tight around Casey’s arm, as he glared down at me. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” he asked me and I parted my lips to respond, but nothing came out. I didn’t really have a very good defence anyway.
“Jake, stop it,” Casey said, trying to get out of his brother’s grip. “Let go of me!”
“Get the fuck out,” Jake spat at me. Casey stopped trying to get out of his brother’s grip and he turned to me, his eyes wide. I stood slowly, not breaking eye contact with my best friend.
“Jake, I-“ Jake cut me off by punching me square in the jaw. It wasn’t hard enough to knock me to the ground but it still hurt like hell.
“Get out,” he said through gritted teeth. I frowned and lowered my gaze, torn as to what I should do. I wanted to stay to try to convince Jake that I wasn’t doing anything wrong, but even I didn’t believe that. My gaze moved to Casey’s and he stared at me with a deep frown between his eyebrows, hurt evident in his gaze. He already knew what I was going to do.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, unsure who I was really talking to, before turning and heading out of the front door.
“Ali!” Casey called after me but I gritted my teeth and kept walking. Most of my clothes and my phone and my laptop and pretty much all of my belongings were in my room upstairs, but there was nothing I could do about that. I went out and jumped into my car and sped away from the house before I changed my mind. I knew I wasn’t Jake’s favourite person, and I probably wasn’t that high on Casey’s list right now either, so going back would only do more harm than good.

Instead of heading back to my mum’s, I went to the beach. It was only about half an hour’s drive away and the drive and the view would hopefully calm my spirits. Once I had parked at the beach, I sat still for a moment as I wished that I had my phone. At least then I could phone Casey and check he was okay. Not that I was worried Jake would really do anything, but I’d imagine he’d yell at Casey. And I wanted to apologise. Running away like I did was a cowardly thing to do, but…what argument did I really have? Casey is under age and my best friend’s little brother. I had no excuse for crossing two major rules. I sighed and stared out over the ocean as I watched the sun gradually set over the horizon, casting the waves into darkness. Soon, the remaining cars in the car park around me vanished and I was on my own. I locked the car doors and then my eyes fell closed as I fell asleep.

--
When I next opened my eyes, it was to the blinding light of the morning sun. I took a deep breath and released it slowly as I looked up at my surroundings. My gaze then landed on the dream catcher hanging from my rear view mirror and I couldn’t help but smile. Casey had got it for me when we went to Camden market in London. He’d thought it might inspire me, but nothing could inspire me more than him… And, in a flash of clarity, I knew I had to go back, I knew what my defence for breaking the rules was. I loved Casey.

I quickly turned my car on and sped out of the car park that was just starting to get busy, and headed back to Casey’s house. I got there in just under half an hour, due to the time of morning there was very little traffic, and sprinted to the front door. I didn’t even pause to ring the bell or knock. I let myself in and paused to try and work out where Casey might be. But before I could find Casey, Jake appeared in the doorway of the kitchen. “What the hell are you doing here?” he asked, folding his arms over his chest.
“I’m sorry, Jake, but I need to talk to Casey,” I said and then Casey appeared from behind him. My heart clenched when I saw his eyes were red and I guessed he’d been crying.
“I thought you’d left,” he said quietly and I nodded.
“I know, I was leaving because I thought that was the right thing to do. But I had to come back. I may not have gone where I intended, but I think I ended up where I needed to be,” I said, praying that he’d forgive me for running. I took a step closer to him but then Jake moved in between us.
“You have no right to have any sort of relationship with him anyway,” Jake said and my eyebrows shot up.
“I have no right?” I asked in disbelief.
“He’s 17, Ali,” Jake said, “and he’s my brother. You’re crossing two very major rules.” I nodded, knowing that this would come up. But I had my argument ready now.
“I don’t care,” I said. “I’m in love with him.”
“You are?” Jake asked suspiciously at the same time as Casey whispered it. I turned my attention away from Jake and met Casey’s tearful gaze.
“Yeah,” I whispered. “From the very first time I saw you, just one glance at you and my heart skipped a beat. I love you, Casey.”
“I love you, too,” Casey whispered, finally tugging his arm out of Jake’s grasp and moving into my arms. I hugged him tightly, needing to make sure that Jake hadn’t really taken him away from me.
“I’m so sorry I ran last night,” I said softly, burying my face in his hair.
“It’s okay,” Casey sighed, “I’m just glad you came back.”
“I could never stay away,” I said, “I need you.” Casey pulled back and smiled up at me before closing the distance between our lips and kissing me gently.
“Alright, that’s enough of that,” Jake said and we pulled away, though we kept our arms around one another.
“Jake, I know this is probably going to be weird for you, but I love Ali, I really do,” Casey said and I just tightened my hold on him.
“And I love Casey,” I said. “More than anything.”
“I know,” Jake nodded. “I found your sketchpad.” I felt the blood rush to my cheeks.
“What’s in your sketchpad?” Casey asked.
“Drawings,” I said, “of what most inspires me.”
“Me?” he whispered and I smiled and nodded.
“It’s always been you, Casey,” I smiled, pressing another kiss to his lips.