Make It Right

Everything was numb.

He couldn’t feel anything: not from the top of his head to the bottom of his feet. The world continued to spin madly on and somehow, he could feel himself spinning with it. His head throbbed, pulsing with every breath he took. Each breath was short and shallow, forced and difficult. His body was floating in a dark abyss, unmoving, unfeeling. The only thing he can feel was pain. Lots, and lots of pain.

“HARRY, WHERE IS MY FUCKING PHONE?!!”

Zayn squeezed his eyes shut and let out a loud groan, the sound similar to a revving engine. He dragged his hands to his ears and covered them, knowing exactly who was making a huge outburst. More sounds of stomping and walking around his flat made him scowl… the noise was absolutely deafening.

“I swear to god, Chelsea, I don’t have it!” Harry’s voice was undeniably loud and annoying, which only worsened his headache. He wished for the noise to stop. He wished that everyone would just stop what they were doing and let him be.

Stomp, stomp, stomp, stop.

“What about here?”

“Don’t—“

The door opened with an audible creak, enough to make Zayn struggle with sleep. He heard footsteps in his room, soft as a feather, but heavy as lead to his ears. He could hear the person walk around his room, opening closed drawers with haste before quickly shutting it with a solid click. It went on and on for quite a while until he heard those footsteps come nearer to his bed. On any other occasion, he would have woken up and kicked that person out of the comforts of his room but right now, he didn’t have the strength to do so. He felt dead. He felt like the life was sucked out of him. He felt stupid. He felt like a wreck. He wondered if any of those feelings had something to do with Jana and their fight yesterday or if it was the mere fact that he had too much to drink the night before.
Either way, he felt absolutely numb.

Another pair of footsteps came inside, muffled by the hands that were still covering his ears. They padded quickly to the side of his head, probably to talk to the person already in the room.

“I think we should leave Zayn alone, yeah?”

“My phone, Harry, my phone.”

Even if they were whispering, he could still hear every word loud and clear. Maybe he was already awake… or maybe he was just as keen as always…

“But don’t you think—“

“Shut up.”

After the words left Zayn’s mouth, he felt like cringing, never wanting to hear his own voice ever again. It was hoarse, gruff, and absolutely lifeless. It was the complete opposite whenever he sang. He didn’t even realize it was his voice until seconds later when he noticed it got quiet.

The two stopped talking immediately, surprised that the boy sprawled on the bed with rumpled sheets actually talked. Usually, whenever Zayn was drunk and out of his wits, he wouldn’t wake up until the afternoon and sothis occurrence was rare.

“Zayn, are you all right?” Harry voice was soft as a feather, deep and husky, but still soft. If he didn’t strain to hear it, he would’ve dismissed it as something irrelevant, like the wind maybe.

“Zayn, are you awake?!” However, Harry’s companion wasn’t exactly the same. Her voice was quite loud, a few octaves higher than Harry’s and full of energy.

Zayn only groaned in response.

“I think that’s a no,” Harry whispered in Chelsea's ear.

“But a yes to the other,” Chelsea whispered back.

“Can someone get me a damn pill?” He moaned and the two jumped up in surprise again. His voice was full of pain and sorrow, not just of tiredness and weariness. That was part of the reason why they were a bit shocked at him. First, waking up early, next, his voice showing pain and sorrow... it was a weird day. They looked at each other for the briefest of moments before Harry left the room, his feet padding across the wooden floor quickly.

His eyes were crusted with sleep making it hard to open them but still he urged himself to wake up. Zayn blinked a couple of times, trying to get adjusted to the light in the room. His eyesight was still blurry. The objects seemed to be floating on air and the person who was supposedly standing a few feet away from him looked like an abstract painting by Van Gogh.

He used one elbow to support himself as he sat up, slowly and painfully. His chest heaved with every breath he took, his arms strained to support him and, his legs heavy as lead on the bed, not wanting to move at all. His whole body felt detached from his mind. They didn’t want to move at all. In fact, his body would rather lie in bed all day than walk out the door and go on with life. That is, if life still had anything to offer knowing that Jana was halfway there to being gone.

He could see Chelsea coming closer to him, concern flashing across her features. He could see it clearly in her eyes how he looked: eyes looking dull and anguished, skin looking sickly pale, hair bedraggled looking like a horse just ran over it… all in all he looked like a wreck. He was person in shambles; he was lost in a black hole never knowing when it’ll spew him out. He was just, lost.

“Zayn…”

“Don’t,’ he croaked, pinching the bridge of his nose as he breathed in and out, hoping that a few deep breaths would help him see things clearer.

Chelsea stayed quiet, arms crossed, and eyes narrowed at him as he tried to adjust himself. He can’t help but feel a little perturbed at how his friend was looking at him, watching him as if she was waiting for that moment when he would break down into a million pieces. Sad to say, he was close.

He pulled himself together and forced his body to sit by the side of the bed, no matter how much his muscles ached. He rubbed his jaw, feeling the subtle hairs growing. His honey-brown eyes were fixed on his feet, unable to look at Chelsea in the eyes knowing that if he did, he’d only see disappointment.

“What happened, Zayn?” Chelsea whispered, softly. Zayn only shook his head, not wanting to explain the situation.

“I just need a pill,” he replied, eyes downcast. Chelsea let out a loud sigh before calling out, rather loudly, for Harry and the pill Zayn desperately wanted.

He buried his head in his hands and racked his brain on what happened the night before. He could vaguely recall the night in the club. He could only remember drinking an unhealthy amount of alcohol, dancing with a few people whose faces are already blurred, and getting dragged into Liam’s car by Liam and Niall themselves. Those were the only things he remembered. But, if asked what happened before the club, he could remember everything clearly.

He recalled the dinner date he set up for Jana, hoping it would patch things up between them. The last few weeks were certainly the worst. The two argued every other day over simple things: the food tastes horrible, there were a lot of people in the place, why don’t you look at me, are you even listening… the list went on endlessly. He didn’t know what caused such a ruckus to happen in their relationship but it just bloomed out of nowhere, unnoticed until they started to scream at each other, stabbing each other with words like knives.

It wasn’t his intention to hurt her. It never was, but yesterday seemed to do the trick.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?! I’ve been doing my best and this is what you do? Fight with me?”

He squeezed his eyes shut as he pushed those memories away but to no avail. When he said those words, Jana’s expression changed completely. He forgot about the fight happening between them when he saw the color being drained from her face, how her eyes suddenly drooped, how her eyes began to water when he said those words. He saw that her hands, balled into fists by her sides, were shaking slightly. He saw her breathe in deeply, before shaking her head. With a sigh, she let her arms dangle loosely by her sides before giving Zayn a smile. It wasn’t the heartwarming smile she always gave him, whenever he would crack a silly joke or do something sweet that would make her feel special. No, it was the kind of smile that showed hopelessness, the smile that showed sadness.

In that moment, his heart dropped to the floor.

He wanted to reach out to her, tell her how sorry he was, that he didn’t mean any of those hurtful things he just said but it was too late. She turned away from him, walking out the door without another word. After that, he didn’t know what to feel. Should he be sad? Angry? Hopeless? All his emotions were jumbled up together but in the end, there was a winner.

When he went out of the kitchen Liam immediately bombarded him with questions, asking him if he was all right and what happened between him and Jana. He kept his face expressionless but he knew that it probably looked constipated to others. He was mad. He was mad at himself for letting it get too far. He was mad because he actually dared to say those words that could potentially end their long-term relationship. Sure, he felt the loneliness creeping up on him as well as the fear of losing the love of his life, but nothing could change how enraged he was at himself.

In the end, he spent the whole night getting wasted and now, the whole morning writhing in pain.

“Zayn, here’s your pill.”

He immediately snapped out of his thoughts and looked up, seeing Harry and Chelsea looking at him with concern etched all over their features. Harry handed him the glass of water as well as the pills that would, hopefully, cure his throbbing head. In one gulp, he drowned all the water as well as the pills down his throat. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and set the glass on the bed-side table, an audible clink ringing in the room.

When he glanced back at them, they were still standing there obviously waiting for an explanation as to why he looked like a monster truck just ran over him.

Chelsea pursed her lips as she eyed him up and down, shaking her head quietly while Harry only stood there with his hands in his pockets looking at him worriedly.

“Spill,” she said, her eyes saying that she won’t take ‘no’ for an answer.

He took a deep breath and looked away. “I can’t.”

“What do you mean you can’t?!” Her voice went a few octaves higher, eyes raging, expression incredulous. Zayn sat still, shocked as to why she was acting so strange. Harry took a few steps back, already feeling a bit scared now that Chelsea was raising her voice at Zayn.

“I don’t understand—“

“No, what I don’t understand is why YOU MADE JANA CRY!” She screeched, her hands flailing in the air as she glared at him.

Zayn opened his mouth to say something but the look she gave him made him shut it again.

“Chelsea, you’re starting to scare us,” Harry said, placing a hand on her shoulder. She only shrugged it off and walked towards Zayn, pointing an accusing finger at him.

“In the last three hours, I’ve received 5 missed calls and 10 messages, all from Jana asking for my help. One message was about you and another message was about how she cried herself to sleep last night. Now if I put all these pieces together, you obviously had something to do with it!” She seethed, hands balled into fists as she poured out her anger.

“Where did you find your phone?” Harry chimed in.

“Shut up, Harry!”

Chelsea was fixed on Zayn’s reaction, waiting for him to do something, say something that would clear things up. She was vexed at him. She didn’t want to see any of her best friends hurt and then this man, the supposedly boyfriend, caused her pain. He caused her to hurt. She took a deep breath, still looking at him, before stepping away.

All Zayn could think was how? How did Chelsea get her phone when, a few moments earlier, it was missing? How could she receive all those messages and calls while he was in the room? He should have heard it… and then it hit him. When he was too busy reminiscing all those memories, Chelsea must have gotten her phone (wherever it was) and looked through it, causing this sticky situation to happen.

Chelsea walked away from him and made a beeline to the door, not bothering to drag Harry with her.

Before going out though, she turned around and have Zayn one final glare, uttering the words, “I hope you’re happy with what you’ve done,” before leaving the two of them alone.

A few moments of silence passed before Zayn groaned, covering his face with his hands. She cried herself to sleep. She did it because of him. He caused her this pain and now, he was hurting as well. Even if they fought continuously over the past few days, they still had this link or whatever you call it, which connected them to each other. If one felt pain, anguish, or even happiness and joy, the other would feel it too. And right now, the two of them were hurting and it was all because of Zayn.

“Why are you still here?” Zayn asked directed to Harry who was standing awkwardly by his side.

Zayn knew the curly-haired boy was only worried for him but he didn’t want anyone to see him like this. He didn’t want them to know how broken he is at the moment, how saddened he is that Jana was far from well because it was all his fault. If he didn’t go too far, maybe they would have found a way to be better. Maybe their relationship wouldn’t be this broken. Maybe, he still would’ve gotten a chance if it weren’t for his stupid words the night before. But then, they were all maybes and the future will never come out clear anyways.

“I thought you needed some company.”

“Well, I don’t,” he snapped, glancing at Harry briefly before letting out a loud sigh.

“You should go get her,” he mumbled, eyes downcast.

“But—“

“Harry, Chelsea’s upset because of me. She’s probably hurt as well because her best friend is crying and she doesn’t even know what to do about it. You’re her best friend and you’re probably the only one who could catch her if ever she falls. Please Harry; I don’t want to drag any other person into this.”

Harry’s face hardened at what his friend said but he only nodded his head, going to the door. He didn’t even bother to watch him go. He could hear his footsteps as he walked away and before he could hear them walk out of his room entirely, they stopped.

“You know Zayn, you should probably go and get her as well. She’s waiting for you.” Then, Harry quietly closed the door behind him and left his friend alone.

Zayn let out an aggravated sigh and looked up, eyes narrowing at the door. And he thought, maybe it wasn’t too late.

&&

The clouds were hanging low, dark and brooding, as Zayn stood in front of the door. Thunder rumbled outside, deep and haunting, making him feel nervous. He didn’t know what came over him but as soon as Harry said those four words, his mind came back to its senses and he immediately jumped from his bed and dashed to his bathroom. The cold water bothered him a bit and it made him shiver but it did do the job of keeping him awake. He ignored the throbbing pain that came when he rushed back and forth in his room, searching his closet for decent clothes. He didn’t even think twice of what he was doing. Before he knew it, he grabbed his car keys and his wallet and quickly ran out of his room.

His mates looked at him oddly as he grabbed his coat from the rack and walked out of his flat. Thoughts of rejection didn’t even cross his mind as he bought a single bright, yellow, dandelion from a flower stand. He didn’t even think of her reaction once she sees him on her doorstep. All he knew was that he had to do everything he can to make it right again. He followed his intuition and he hoped that this was the right thing to do.

He paced back and forth with his eyes on the ceiling, thinking of proper words to say to her. He practiced his words in his mind but when he spoke them out loud, it was all a jumbled mess. He doubted that he was even speaking English. He couldn’t understand a word he was saying. After a few moments he let out a soft groan, eyes glancing out the window by the end of the hall. Rain was falling down and somehow, it dampened his mood. He realized something and as much as he didn’t want to think about it, it dawned on him. There was a possibility that she wouldn’t even let him in.
There was a possibility that she would never take him back, with all the trouble he caused. Or worse, she wouldn’t even give him a chance. But, that won’t stop him. He needed to talk to her. He needs her. Isn’t that enough reason to fight for?

Sweaty hands clutched the single stemmed flower making the plastic crinkle a bit. He took a deep breath and counted to ten in his head before raising his fist to knock on the door.

One. Two. Three.

“I can do this.”

Four. Five. Six.

“She’ll listen…”

Seven. Eight.

“God, I hope she listens.”

Nine.

“Shit, what if she doesn’t?”

Ten.

“Oh, fuck this.”

His fist collided with the hard, wooden door. He knocked two times and took a step back, waiting to see if anyone would answer. His mouth felt like the Sahara dessert while his hands felt like an endless waterfall. He shuffled uneasily on his two feet, eyes looking around anxiously to see if anyone was near. He didn’t want anyone to witness this moment.

A few seconds passed before the door opened, revealing a tired and weary looking girl. Her normal five foot four frame shrunk by two inches, her eyes were dull and weary, like the light has been sucked out of them. They were also red-rimmed, a sign that she’d been crying the night before. Her raven-black hair was placed messily atop her head forming what people would call a “bun” if it weren’t so sloppy looking. His eyes wandered over to her lips which were pursed into a straight line. Even if she looked like a fucking train wreck, it would never change the fact that the mere sight of her left him breathless.

He just stood there for a moment, breathing her familiar perfume, seeing her face… just taking her in.

After all these months, he was still captivated by her. He could remember the first time he saw her: black hair falling in waves, brown eyes glittering in amusement, smile turned on with that mega-watt effect. She was wearing a pair of shorts and a gray sweatshirt that was obviously a size too big on her. He was staring at her through the glass windows, which was kind of creepy, but he didn’t mind it one bit. He was too engrossed with the sight of her having fun with her friend, who was Chelsea, in that tiny ice cream shop.

He couldn’t remember the name of that shop but he did recall Chelsea dragging him inside once she saw him standing oddly outside. He also remembered getting stuck between two tables, legs cramped in the small space, as Chelsea tugged him forward. He could clearly recall how embarrassed he was that he couldn’t get out of the tables while Chelsea only let go of his hand, laughing alongside Jana. When he saw Jana smiling and laughing at his awkward stance, he couldn’t help but smile as well, forgetting that he was even stuck between two tables. Her laugh made the embarrassment easier to bear.

“Zayn.”

Now that he was looking at her again, he couldn’t help but feel… sad. She wasn’t the smiling, laughing girl he met before. She was frowning slightly, not feeling in the least bit happy that he was there. Her arms were crossed in a way he knew well. It meant that she was uncomfortable. She was uncomfortable because he was there.

“Hi,” he mumbled, offering her a small smile.

She didn’t return it.

“What do you want?” She whispered, her eyes downcast.

He couldn’t help but feel a bit saddened that she wasn’t looking at him but he didn’t dare lift up her chin.

“I want you.”

She didn’t even raise her head when he said that. Suddenly, the pit of his stomach started to churn, his mind already telling him that nothing he’ll do would change anything. Meanwhile, his heart told him to keep going. Keep moving forward and see what will happen.

“Jana, I—“

“Please leave,” Jana mumbled quietly.

“But—“

“Zayn,” she said sternly. “Leave.”

Just as Jana was about to close the door, Zayn placed his foot between the door and the wall. He wasn’t ready to let this go, not ready to let her go if worse comes to worst. He could see her struggling to keep a straight face while she looked at his stubborn foot wedged between the door and the doorway. She bit her lip lightly and raised her head, eyes boring into Zayn’s skull.

“Why do you keep doing this to me?” She whispered, her brown eyes trying to find the answer in his amber ones. As much as he wanted her to clarify that question, he didn’t have much time. He could see how fragile everything was in her eyes and one little mistake could ruin his chances of starting all over again.

“Jana, I need to talk to you,” he replied. He urged his voice to remain calm and collected but then it cracked once he said the word ‘you’.

There was hesitation in her eyes as well as fear and confusion… but there was hope too. Rain started to pour in buckets outside and he was still uninvited to her humble flat. It was practically his second home. This was the place where he shared countless afternoons with Jana, stealing soft kisses while they watched a movie. This was the place where they cuddled on the couch, him singing a song gently into her ear to get her to fall asleep and her, whispering intimate words into his before falling under. This was the place where they would chase each other out just for the hell of it. He loved the chase but he loved the sound of her laughter even more.

Jana took a deep breath and peeked out the doorway. Looks like even she didn’t want any prying eyes to see what’s happening between them.

“Can we just have this conversation another—“

“Please Jana; it’ll only take a few moments. Please?” He was / / this close to getting down on his knees and beg for her forgiveness. He was that close to making a complete fool out of himself, just for her.

The two of them stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity before Jana slowly nodded her head.

“10 minutes, Malik. 10 minutes before I kick you out of here,” she said. It was supposed to come out strong and stern but it sounded like a broken record.

She opened the door wide enough to let him through before disappearing inside, not bothering to shut it after. One foot inside, he caught a whiff of her familiar scent. It was similar to that of an ocean breeze, caressing his cheek lightly. He doesn’t know she even got that scent knowing that there weren’t any oceans near her place but it had always been her scent. From the moment they first met, during their dates and up until this very moment, she still had ocean perfume lingering around her.

He quietly closed the door behind him, taking a look around the place.

The familiar pastel couch still sat in the middle of the room, as well as the small, mahogany, coffee table that had boxes of Chinese take out sitting on it. The television was on; fixed on the movie channel that was playing The Ugly Truth. It was muted though. He stared at the bright yellow walls around him (her favorite color), reminding him of sunshine and joy but no color is going to bring him happiness until Jana’s back in his arms.

He heard the clattering of pots and pans in the kitchen and he was so tempted to go and check on her but he didn’t know what’ll happen if he does. Would she push him away and tell him to go back? Or would she reduce the time limit to five minutes? Would that even be enough time for him to pour out his feelings?

A few minutes later Jana came out of the kitchen, holding a mug of cocoa, judging from the aroma wafting in the air. Her eyes met Zayn’s but it held no light, no joy, nothing. She padded across the living room and sat down on the pastel couch. She took out her phone, fiddled with it, before placing it on the coffee table. When Zayn’s peered closer, he realized she set a timer for him. 9:59, 9:58, 9:57… The seconds were ticking by and he never felt more nervous. He had to get this right. He just had to.

Jana motioned for Zayn to talk. As much as he wanted to sit next to her, to wrap his arms around her small, delicate shoulders, he couldn’t. Her eyes were wary of him. They followed every single movement he made causing him to be careful of his actions. He didn’t know what was going on inside her head. He only hoped they were good things.

The world started to blur around him and he focused only on the girl in front of him. He took a sharp intake of breath, collecting his thoughts as he did so, and opened his mouth.
But no words came out.

He tried again and nothing changed. His pulse started to race, his palms started to sweat even more. Why can’t he talk?! Why can’t he just say the words he needed to say out loud? Why can’t he handle the curious stare Jana was giving him? He breathed in deeply, balled his hands into fists, and kept them by his sides. He was still clutching that flower, no doubt Jana was looking at it. He glanced down at it and immediately took a step closer.

“For you,” he mumbled sheepishly, suddenly feeling embarrassed.

Jana stared at him wide-eyed, clearly not expecting the flower or him giving one. She licked her lips and slowly, carefully, took the flower from his hand. Her fingers grazed over his skin momentarily and electricity jostled him awake. He could tell Jana felt it too by the way she was shaking her hand afterward, glaring at it.

“Hm, thanks,” she replied, setting the flower down by her side, still not meeting his eyes. He saw the corner of her mouth twitch and he knew there was still hope.

“Jana,” he started his voice strong and even. She looked up at him and he was met with a pair of brown eyes that questioned his action, a pair of eyes that were silently telling him to make it quick, to make it painless. And that’s when it hit him. She was expecting him to leave. To walk out of her life.To say goodbye once and for all.

In one quick stride he stood in front of her, blocking her view from the television (if she was even watching it in the first place). Jana wriggled on her spot, unable to turn away from his compelling gaze. He towered over her and when he raised his hand he saw her flinch involuntarily. He frowned at the sight. He wasn’t going to hit her. He wasn’t going to hurt her.

But then you already did, his mind told him. He waved away those thoughts and clenched his fists before letting them relax by his sides. He kneeled down in front of her, which earned a startled yelp from Jana, and lowered his head. He ran a hand through his already messed up hair (which was saying a lot) and let out a deep, long, sigh. Here it goes.

“I was wrong Jana. I was so fucking wrong. Those words I said yesterday, I didn’t mean any of them. I just—I got so caught up with myself that I forgot about you. The person I cared about since day one, the person who makes me feel complete… the person I couldn’t live without. I’m sorry Jana. I’m so, so sorry. What I said was hurtful and I want you to know that it was never my intention to hurt you. I’d gladly switch places with you if I ever saw you suffering but now, I can’t live with the thought that I’m the reason you’re hurting, I—“

His voice cracked and he had to take a second to compose himself again. He peered up at Jana’s face to see her reaction but it remained expressionless. The only thing that changed was that the mug of cocoa left her hand and they were now balled into fists, shaking ever so slightly on her lap.

“There’s nothing wrong with you, Jana, I hope you know that. I’m so fucking sorry. You’re perfect in every way to me. I regret every word I said to you last night. I want you, Jana. No, I think the right words are I love—“

“Did you ever wonder why we kept fighting?” Jana cut him off, looking straight into his eyes. He shut his mouth, a little confused as to what she was saying.

“Did you ever think: what happened? Did you? Or were you too busy to keep on fighting with me? Not bothering to even think why we even started fighting?” She let out a bitter laugh before unclenching her fists. She wiped the sweat from her palms on her jammies before standing up, walking over to the door.

Her hand was poised over the doorknob and fear swept Zayn from his feet. He stood up immediately, eyes following her hand. Was she going to leave him? Will she throw him out? He glanced at the phone on the table and saw 6:47, 6:46, 6:45… he still had enough time but why was she standing there near the door, ready to bolt out if necessary?

“Jana—“

“Zayn, this is a door. Don’t give me that ‘I know’ look. Let me explain. There comes a time when people pack up their things and leave, right? Well, what I’m trying to say is what if it’s time for us to do the same? Maybe it’s time for us to leave each other… maybe it’s time for one of us to walk out the door? Because honestly, Zayn, I’m tired.”

And as much as Zayn wanted to deny it, she looked tired. She even sounded tired too.

“I’m tired of fighting all the time over ridiculous things. We keep disagreeing and then it turns into a total fight and I,” she took a deep breath and cleared her throat, looking at Zayn who kept silent the whole time…. finally listening.

“I don’t want it. I don’t want us fighting. I don’t want to ruin this relationship of ours and if our fights keep getting in the way, then… I don’t know what will happen. I’ve been trying to keep this relationship together. Believe me, I have. Every single minute of the day. When you’re in tour, when you’re visiting your family, when you’re not here by my side… I have. But do I see you trying?”

She closed her eyes for a brief moment and shook her head.

“Zayn, are you even trying?” She whispered, more to herself than to him.

Her eyes drifted away from his and they were focused on her hand on the knob. He could see the gears in her head working and before he knew it, he dashed all the way to the door and wrapped her small, frail, body in his arms. He breathed in that ocean scent, letting it fill his lungs to the brim, afraid that this would be the last time he could smell her sweet perfume. Or worse, this could be the last time he’ll ever be with her.

He squeezed her softly and brought her closer to his chest. He rested his chin on top of her head, afraid that if he looked at her, he’d lose it all at once. The girl didn’t do anything when Zayn hugged her. She simply let out a sigh and buried her face in his chest, hoping that it would stop the tears threatening to spill.

They stayed in that stance for a couple of seconds but to Zayn, it felt like an eternity. He couldn’t help but marvel at how perfect it was. How they fit like two perfect puzzle pieces. If either one of them leaves, how will they ever be complete? Whole? When she pulled away, she brought a hand over to her face, making sure she didn’t shed a single tear. Well, not yet maybe.

Jana crossed her arms and retreated back into the living room. Zayn couldn’t help but let out a sigh of relief, knowing that she wasn’t going to leave.

“Zayn?” He turned his attention back to the black-haired lady standing across the room, a shadow covering her features making it almost impossible to see her expression.

Thunder rolled around behind her and Zayn couldn’t help but feel the dread and fear creep up on him. He saw a flash of lightning in the sky, illuminating the room briefly before it became dark once again. His skins crawled as he looked at the storm brewing just outside the window.

“Do you think it’s time to—“She suddenly stopped when she saw him come barreling towards her, eyes desperate and scared. He caught her mid-sentence and wrapped his arms around her again, heart pounding at a rapid pace.

“No,” he said between gritted teeth, pulling her closer. “I won’t let it happen.”

She pushed him away, by a mere inch, and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ears. She licked her lips nervously as her eyes flickered to his face, to his eyes that were staring at her with such intensity, it made her knees buckle.

“But—“

Zayn held onto her shoulders, gripping them lightly. He took a shaky breath and looked at her brown eyes, feeling himself get lost in them. He had to spit it out. He had to tell her. He was getting desperate.

“I love you, Jana, I really do. So don't you fucking tell me it's damn over, because it isn't."

Then he released one arm and let his gaze drop to the floor. His heart was hammering in his ribcage and his brows were knitted together, thinking of the possibility that they would be over.

“It isn’t,” he whispered softly, trying to assure himself.

It felt like forever: looking down on his shoes, his tear ducts wanting to betray him, his heart hanging by a thread… until he felt a hand under his chin, lifting his face up. He was met with Jana’s face, eyes crinkling slightly with a sad smile on her face.

“Then show me. Show me that this isn’t over,” she breathed, eyes fixed on his face.

He breathed in deeply, trying to process what she said before understanding. Zayn squeezed his eyes shut and nodded his head. His shoulders relaxed a little bit, knowing that the tension was drifting away like waves retreating back to the sea. But then again, like waves, they could come back on shore.

“I will, Jana. I will. I’ll listen to you, I’ll do my best, but first,” he stopped and scratched the back of hi neck nervously. “Can I do this one little thing?”

Her eyebrows furrowed together and after a few seconds, she nodded her head hesitantly.

“What is—”

She didn’t have time to finish her question. Lips met hers, cutting off her words. They melted against hers with such passion; she couldn’t help but give in. She could feel the desperation, the relief, flooding through the kiss. She wrapped her arms around his neck while he placed his around her waist, bringing her closer. The kiss was short and yet, sweet. When they pulled away, Zayn had a grin on his face but it didn’t reach his eyes. He knew what Jana wanted. She wanted assurance that they were still together. She wanted to know if he still cared enough for her and this time, he was determined to prove it. And he took the first step by giving her that kiss.

“That wasn’t too much, was it?” He asked nervously, running a hand through his hair. Jana chuckled softly and shook her head.

“It was all right, Zayn,” she mumbled, the blood rushing up to her cheeks. Looking at her that way, Zayn couldn’t help but feel like this was their first kiss all over again. They were both flustered and shy when it happened, acting awkwardly around each other. In a way, this was their first kiss. It was the first kiss to a new beginning that would hopefully start a better relationship between the two of them.

“I swear, Jana, I’ll make this right again. I won’t let you be in doubt. I won’t hurt you. I’ll never act this way again, I promise.”

“Zayn, don’t make promises you can’t keep.”

He bit his lip and looked away. She was right. He wasn’t a hundred percent sure that something like this won’t happen again in the near future.

“Nevertheless,” he added. He looked out the window and noticed that the rain became a drizzle. “I love you.”

Jana smiled softly and patted his cheek lightly. “I know, and I too.” Then her face fell, sighing as she turned away.

“Just, please don’t do that ever again. Please don’t chip a piece of my heart then come back trying to glue it back. It’s not that easy. This is the first and last time I’ll let you do that.”

Zayn felt his mouth go paper-dry before nodding, unable to utter a word. Jana looked up and wrapped her arms around him, hugging him tightly. He hugged her back, still guilty, but relieved that they were able to explain themselves to each other.

“Jana, I—“

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

Zayn groaned, annoyed that he was rudely interrupted by those annoying beeps.

“Oh,” Jana mumbled, glancing at the coffee table with an amused expression on her face.

“What?”

She turned back to him and gave an amused smile.

“Time’s up.”