Youth Gone Wild

Ben sat in the trolley as I pushed him around the isles. The lad was skinny but not light.

'C'mon love, faster.' Ben giggled like a little girl, begging me to get more speed on the metallic death trap. I shook my head and he started to whine that he wasn't that heavy when actually he was, at least for me.

Trolley was half filled with fruits and vegetables when Ben realized I didn't eat meat. 'Are you some kind of vegetarian hippie or something?' He fake gagged and lifted a baggage of soy.
I shook my head and lifted the gallon milk canister into the trolley.

'I miss your voice. Have you really not been talking in six years?' He asked while trying to reach for the cereals he used to eat as a teen which I hated. I didn't answer to him, but he well knew the answer.

'You don't talk right, but do you like moan, whine and groan?' The idiotic smirk appeared on his face. I blushed, turning fiery red.

'Is that a yes.' He playfully punched my shoulder after putting three boxes of those bad tasting cereals behind his back, into the trolley. I shrugged, trying to avoid looking into Ben's eyes.

'You don't know? You haven't banged anyone in six bloody years.' He yelled in shock. I quickly reached over his face, pressing my palm against his mouth, checking all our surroundings to see if anyone was listening.

I let out a painful moan when Ben bit my hand. 'I'm your only one then.' He smiled proudly and pointed towards yelling, towards we go.

Ben whined the whole shopping trip, making me regret taking him with me. The whining got worst when I went to get tampons but stopped when I pushed the whining wanker into the beer isle. Just in few minutes Ben had filled the trolley with different drinks.

'Even one word.' Ben begged, laying on my couch, throwing me with those cereals I bought for him to have something to eat while he spent time at my place according to him. Ben had insisted to pay all the things he or I put in the trolley, but I had so much money to spend, I just flipped him off and paid.

'Please love, it would be so fucking mint to hear your voice again.' He threw a handful of the colorful cereals at me, missing the target and creating a mess he had earlier promised to clean, which was just a simple lie.

I kept ignoring the bastard laying on my couch and loaded the fridge with food. I really wanted to speak but I were scared of my own voice and even if the quietness made my life so much harder, it was something i got used to, so it would be weird to speak to anyone and as a cherry on the top, i were afraid of speaking to people nowadays.

I had made few signs ready and lifted one up, Hungry?, so Ben could read it while i almost slept on my kitchen island.

'You only have that stupid vegetarian shit.' Ben gagged and took a mouthful of cereals. He was being annoying, so i left the kitchen, grabbing the never used takeout menus from the top of the fridge and i threw them on Ben's torso.

All this became a habit on us. Every other day Ben told his bird that he was going to Danny's when he actually came to mine. We either went shopping, skating and walking since Ben didn't skate, stayed at mine watching movies and eating. No matter what we did or where we went, Ben kept begging for me to talk.

I've already had listened him begging for a two weeks and i really couldn't take it anymore, so i told him if he even would mention talking, he would fly straight out of my house, giving me the spare key he had made for himself as a 'Honey, I'm home' kind of a surprise.

Normally Ben would be at my house before sunrise, just so he could sleep next to me for a while and later on say hi to Tom. It was noon already and there was no sign of him anywhere. I didn't want to text him and ask if he was coming today because i didn't want to seem desperate or too clingy which i obviously almost were but not in the bad way, if there even is a good way to be clingy or desperate.

I sat on my bathroom counter many hours later, mixing the bleach for my hair. The Ting Tings were blasting through the stereos in my bedroom and I felt like dancing around the tiny space. I had so much extra energy on my hands that I was about to explode.

After an hour, my roots were piss coloured and it was time to ad the white dye. I checked the time from the alarm clock on my nightstand and skipped back into the bathroom to rinse the colour out, wondering about Ben's whereabouts. I imagined him with Sam, girl Sam like he called her so no one would mix her into the Sam that played bass in Asking Alexandria.

I wrapped a towel around my head and checked my reflection from the mirror, almost gasping from horror. Black bags under eyes, from many sleepless nights, mascara tears all the way down. Dead-ish look in the eyes, blue color in them turning into gray.

I walked into my bedroom, turning the lights off from the bathroom and undressing on my way to the bed. The towel fell of and I ruffled my hair.

I stood besides my bed, just in my underwear and moist hair, humming along the song playing in the background, trying to find the tiredness from deep inside of me, so I could finally sleep. It was already close to midnight for bloody hell.

Loud swearing coming from the outside of my front door got me even more high on energy. The key turned in the lock and I heard Ben's voice, calling for me through his sobs.

I ran downstairs and found Ben sitting against the closed front door, crying, head between his knees. He reeked like cheap alcohol, cigarettes and probably weed. There was dirt all over his jeans and he was shivering, probably from the cold wind and lack of sleeved shirt. Only Ben would be stupid enough to walk in a freezing breeze like that just in his cutted Skid Row shirt.

I kneeled next to the sobbing, pissed, British man, taking his hands from the back of his neck, making him flinch and try to pull his hands from my grab with no success. His head shot up, revealing his blue eyes, swollen and red from crying.

'Sam left me, I have no one anymore.' Ben said with a hoarse voice, almost unable to speak. I pulled the crying, weak looking man into my arms, into a tight hug.

'You have me.' I whispered into his ear as quietly as I managed, not wanting to hear it myself. I didn't want to know how I sounded after being mute so many years. Ben heard it, or that's what I assume because his arms squeezed my body tighter and he broke into a new set of tears.

'You spoke.' He kept sobbing. I carefully nodded and tried to get Ben up. As much as I lived drunken Ben at the moment, I needed to get him into the bed.

Step by step I dragged the guitarist up the stairs. He would take my bed for the night and I would take the couch. I helped Ben out of his clothes, leaving him just with his boxers. Slight smirk visited my face when I read the words Drop Dead from the waistband of his underwear. I myself had a loads of Drop Dead clothes because the owners girlfriend was one of my favourite tattoo artist and I've been in London many times just to get tattooed by her.

'I'm going to puke.' Ben whined, trying to walk towards the bathroom on his own, failing.

It was a bit weird to hold a lads hair up while he puked all his stomach had. It was so weird to see him cry over Samantha, Ben really never cried and this was the second time I've seen him cry.

'I'm done.' Ben sighed, reaching to flush the toilet. This time he managed to get up by himself, so I went back to the bedroom to get the bed ready for him.

Ben was cleaning his mouth with his fingers and toothpaste, making me want to laugh my arse off when he didn't get his fingers into his mouth but into his nose, it just felt wrong to laugh at him at the moment.

'We need to buy me a toothbrush and more masculine hand wash here. Maybe shampoo and those other shits.' Ben yawned and walked out of the bathroom.

I already had fridge and few cabinets full of food, just for Ben. Small space on the closet for Ben's clothes he had bought and left to my place along with a two pairs of shoes. Like he lived here.
Soon the man was laying in my bed, under the covers, eyes closed. I stared him for a while before I changed into the shirt I once stole from him in Dubai, after our first time.

'That's my shirt, and I love you.' Ben giggled and passed out. Small snores filled the room which I soon left, walking to downstairs with a pillow and a blanket.

I tossed my carryings to the couch and wondered to the backyard from the glass doors.

Cold breeze hit my bare legs and messed my hair, even more than it already was. Cigarette between my lightly chapped lips I stared at the dark sky.

I had spoken and I were scared. It felt like it was the first time I had ever spoken and I were terrified that what I had said came out like a baby's first words. Luckily I didn't hear my own voice through Ben's sobbing even though I was really curious to hear my voice again. Was it the same anymore or has it changed?

The doorbell rang, snapping me out of my thoughts. Sun was already up and there was an empty cigarette box in my left hand. The ashtray was full and my hands smelled like smoke. I guess this was just another sleepless night.

I went back to inside and almost ran to the front door. I twisted the lock and pulled the door open.

It was weird how easily I recognized the lad in front of me, awkwardly scratching the back of his neck. Sure we had met once, but we were drunk and it was some time ago.

'Hi Siren, I'm Danny, you probably know that already. Is Ben here?' He chuckled awkwardly and I nodded letting Ben's band mate in.

I pointed to the stairs and noted him to follow me.
We stood in the end of the bed, staring at the sleeping creature and Danny kept telling jokes about him, so Ben woke up to Danny's voice.

'Oh fucking hell mate, go away.' Ben groaned and put a pillow over his head. I took a grip on Danny's long-sleeved and pulled him out of the bedroom, to the downstairs and to the kitchen.

'You really don't speak.' Danny smiled and walked to the coffee maker, switching it on, like reading my thoughts.

'You know, Ben's different in a boring, good way because of you. He won't shut up about you and I don't wonder why.' The bearded singer winked and sat down on the stool.