Not A Morning Person

Brendon wakes up sweating and panting with his bed sheets a tangled mess at his legs. He thinks maybe he should check under his bed. Maybe he should pinch himself a few more times to be sure he really was awake. He dismisses them all, knowing it was his own little, overactive imagination that got him in this predicament; to put or to not put his feet on the floor. He debates on whether the cheestos monster from his nightmare will attack him or if it’s just a dream. He wonders and he whimpers slightly. Almost whining, clearly shivering (he dares not put his blanket over him for he fears those tiny Sour Patch Kids will attack him).

He finally gives in and pushes his feet gingerly on the floor. Face slightly tensed, praying to all the Gods and Saints he knew to help him save his feet. Twisting his upper body, Brendon sees the clock and runs. He barely has time to think about those manic cheestos and just dashes for the bathroom. Then, under the hard hitting warm water from the shower head, Brendon realises again - like he does every morning - that maybe he isn’t such a morning person.

He gets dressed efficiently, mistaking socks for his underwear. So maybe Brendon isn’t a really big morning person. He doesn’t like late mornings. He’s not a day person. But he gets dressed anyway. He puts on a blue shirt and black jeans. He never really thought much about what he wore. Brendon thinks that maybe he never thinks. By the time he finishes getting ready; Brendon gets more confused than before he knew about the three body problem.

After saying bye to his Mormon mother and father, Brendon leaves the house to turn into their neighbour’s driveway. He knocks on the door and out comes a somewhat harried looking woman

“Hey Mrs Siska; Sisky coming?” Brendon charms old women. He charms young women too but the older ones would pinch his cheeks and coo about how lovely a boy he is. The younger chicks just want to get into his pants. But Brendon treats them all the same. Old and young. But his pants are his, so nobody gets near them. Brendon likes to think that but he knows it’s not true.

“Oh yes Adam is just about finished getting ready. But Brendon, Sisky is such an awful name. Makes Adam sound like a drug dealer.”

Brendon doesn’t want to tell her that her son actually is a drug dealer. He doesn’t think he could because at that moment, drug dealer Adam T. Siska flies out from behind his mother onto the sidewalk. He waves at his mother and then drags Brendon before he could even say bye to that sweet woman.

They walk to school silent. Brendon doesn’t skip. He thinks that just being with Sisky leaves him exhausted, so he just walks on the sidewalk and counts the cracks in the pavement. But Brendon doesn’t like to stay silent so he speaks. “Dude, your mom thinks you work in the high trade.”

“Don’t I man? By the way, Navarro’s asking for the white, class A bull. I got some extras, you want some? I’ll give you the five finger discount and I promise I’ll look away.” Brendon snorts before missing a step in walking. He almost falls but gets up again. Brendon is not a morning person.

“No thanks bro. Bull, class A or Z, is so not my cup of tea, nor is it my pill or powder of choice. I pass.” Sisky shrugs and continues walking. Brendon thinks maybe he should jog to catch up with him. Sisky seems to be rushing. Brendon checks his watch and becomes confused. At that speed, they will be in school before the doors are even open. He sighs but follows anyway.

Surmise to say, Brendon was not entirely surprised that he was slightly earlier than before. After the short disturbance with Mike Carden and his gang, they made their way into the school. As he was about to turn into his homeroom however, Sisky grabs his shirt sleeve. He pulls Brendon close. Their chests were touching; Brendon felt Sisky’s breath in his ear. Brendon could feel the other guy’s heartbeat. He found it hard to breath but he tries not to think about it. He feels Sisky’s hand travel up his arm towards his shoulder. Brendon thinks of Audrey. But he sees Sisky so he stops thinking. He knows its not his fault. He leans into the touch. It was the pushing crowd. Sisky’s other hand was... where was it? Brendon thinks that he felt it on the nape of his neck, twisting the hairs. But Brendon doesn’t know. He doesn’t know. So he doesn’t think. Brendon just acts. He pushes against the gangly body behind him. He thinks maybe they should find an empty room. Tantalisingly slow, Sisky leans into his ear, tongue swiping at the shell.

“Your socks are mismatched.” And he was gone. Following the crowd amidst calls for Sisky.

Brendon gapes for a while. He stares at the fading figure and gets pushed around. He stares at his socks. And Brendon thinks he gets the shock of his life. One was a zebra-esque inspired black and white sock on his left foot. His right foot had rainbow and stars. Brendon thinks that maybe he was an owl in his past life.

***

“Sisky Bee-zy-ness!” Brendon shouts from across the cafeteria. He rushes towards the brunette, who is cringing slightly. Brendon knows the name sticks. He will stick it with super glue himself if he needs to but Sisky Business is Sisky Business.

After he gets to Sisky with his lunch tray, they make their way to their huge long table they acquired from a long time ago. Brendon doesn’t say much in that twenty second walk. He’s too busy blushing. He sees that Mikey, Frank, William, Pete, Greta and Vicky T are already there. He grins at them brightly, still red. William is draped over the chair, long limbs stretched out. Brendon swears he can see Bill’s toes sticking out from the other side of the table. Mikey and Frank are conversing with each other. Brendon thinks they’re so disgustingly in love that it’s almost lovely. The other four who are not in love are, just talking. But maybe they are just making noise. Brendon doesn’t know the difference. Pete is constantly distracted though. Brendon can see that.

“So Mouse, you finally here eh? Sisky, any new pros man?” Pete greets them. Brendon grins while Pete and Sisky talk business. His eyes scanned the room. He sees Gabe walking in with Chislett. Brendon grins even more when he sees William straighten up. Right behind Gabe though, he sees two other guys walk in. He knows them slightly but he doesn’t know them know them. Brendon thinks he would like to know them though. He follows them with his eyes. The two boys, one slightly tall and gangly, a bit like William but much shorter, with brown mousy hair; the other slightly chubby with the same shade of brown hair but maybe not the same same. Maybe slightly lighter. Brendon doesn’t know.

“My Muse, Mouse, what you looking at man?” Brendon shakes his head a bit. He didn’t realise Gabe was already here. He looks at the Hispanic boy who has his arm draped behind Beckett’s chair. William has his head leaning against the other boy’s arm.

William is not gay. Maybe he is. Brendon doesn’t really know. He thinks maybe William is but he did see William and Jac kissing. Then of course, on the same night, he saw William and Travis kissing. So maybe William is bisexual. Or maybe William is just horny.

“No, that guy,” Brendon said, discreetly pointing at the brown haired, blue eyed one. “ Spencer Smith. With that other. Who are they?”

“Aww man. Ryan Ross. He has the tightest ass since frigging virgin Britney. But he pretty much is asexual. Bloody guy wouldn’t understand a pass if it danced in front of him like Pamela Anderson!” Brendon had to stifle a giggle. He turns back towards the two boys. Brendon thinks that maybe someone died. There are four seats but only the two of them. And nobody else seems to want to sit with them. Maybe they don’t want anyone else. But Brendon feels that maybe he should. He thinks that maybe he wants to sit there. So he moves.

“So, where’s the other half?” Brendon feels the heat from two pairs of eyes and he wonders if its too late to run. He thinks he missed his chance when he heard Frank's covered snort from somewhere behind him. Let them think he can’t do it! He can! So he gives a winning smile.

“Excuse me?” The blue eyed wonder said. Really feminine, Brendon thinks. There’s an air of bitchiness if that’s a word, surrounding the boy. But there’s something positively masculine about how protective he is. Brendon is reminded of a lioness.

“Your seat. There’s two of you. Where’s the other two?”

“What makes you think there is anyone else?” This time, it's Ryan that answers him. Brendon thinks that maybe this is where feminine or androgynous people sit because, God, Ross was such a girl. He has the boniest face since forever, Brendon thinks, and his whole body was a stick. A nice stick, Brendon compromises, but a stick all the same.

“I don’t... um what I mean is... it was just...” and Brendon trails off still looking at Ryan. There was submission in him. But Brendon knows the submissive aura is not because of him. He doesn’t know who Ryan is submissive for. Somehow, he likes that even more. Then Brendon realises that he was just thinking of liking Ryan Ross, so he thinks of Audrey Kitching. He thinks and maybe he's gotten his blush to calm the heck down.

Nobody speaks for a while but the cafeteria din makes up for their silence. Brendon looks down at the table with his tray, Spencer looks at Brendon with those blue eyes. Ryan’s gaze shifts between him and Spencer, looking slightly unsettled. At this Brendon wonders if he should be afraid and just run for it. Instead, he gulps down his fear and speaks.

“Can I join you for lunch then?” He fetchingly bites on his bottom lip while Spencer turns to Ryan. They seem to be conversing but there were no sounds. They just stares into each other eyes and nobody moves. They stare. Brendon stares at them. Brendon thinks that maybe he’s intruding. But then Ryan looks away and he doesn’t feel that way anymore.

“Yeah okay. Join us. Fine. Whatever.” Brendon breathes a small sigh of relief that he hopes will go unnoticed by them. He pulls the chair and right before he turns to sit down, Brendon looks over to his mates at the other table and winked. There were clapping and catcalling even though Brendon has no idea why they are celebrating. They just are. Brendon smiles at that. When he turns back, Ryan and Spencer are looking at him as though he grew two heads.

“What? Have you not realised that we,” Brendon waves his arm around to mean the school, “are surrounded by insanity? Might as well join in the fun.” Ryan thinks about it for a while before shrugging and going back to his food. Spencer stares at him a bit more before turning to his...what is it?

There is silence. Brendon hates silences. He could never understand a funeral. He's never been to one, but when he watches movies, funerals make him cry. Brendon still hates silences. So he figures he should start a conversation.

But Brendon shuts up. He doesn’t know what to say. He clears his throat. He opens his mouth. He takes a deep breath. He takes a bite of his sandwich, he chews. He sighs a bit.

“So Brendon, you’re in Spin’s classes right?” His eyes snap up to Ryan. He tries to tell himself that it's common courtesy to look at the other person in the eye. Brendon knows he’s bullshitting himself.

“Yeah I am. But not all though, right Spencer?” Brendon’s not stupid. He knows and he sees that Spencer has the bitch-face on. He totally gets Spencer’s dislike at the intrusion. So maybe Spencer doesn’t like him. Doesn’t like him a lot. But Brendon can so live with that. He totally is okay with that.

Spencer grunts through his potato ship, which he's chewing. His face is on full blast, as though he's just waiting for the shit to hit the fan. Brendon knows that he’s the shit that Spencer so wants to slap back. But he tries not to think about it.

Brendon really wants lunch to end.

For the next forty five minutes, Brendon and Ryan make stilted conversation. Spencer grumbles and sulks a lot. Brendon ignores him. But he can’t really because Ryan isn’t. For Brendon to pay attention to Ryan, he has to talk to Spencer. Because Ryan can’t tear his eyes off him. Every other minute, he’ll glance at the pouting boy to...confirm? Brendon has no idea why. He thinks he shouldn’t though. But what Brendon shouldn’t do, Brendon will, because he can. So he fights down those monstrous seconds of...jealousy? And continues to talk to Ryan. And he thinks maybe he should have spoken to Ryan earlier because Ryan is really, really awesome. Not like oh-you-listen-to-The-Smiths-awesome but more of an I-want-to-have-your-biologically-impossible-babies-with-my-child-bearing-hips-awesome. Not that Brendon has child bearing hips, but his mother always said he inherited her hips. Brendon shakes his head to stop thinking about his mother for once because it so isn’t the right time.

So the bell rings and Frank so does not have to pull him away from the table. So not. He just walks off by himself; all cool and jock-ish with a smirk playing across his face. As if. Pete actually pulled him away. After repeated screams of his names that is. But Brendon made it away. He turns around once, after almost tripping on his foot, with Mikey and Pete and Frank all dragging him; only to see Ryan smirking at him. But it wasn’t really a smirk. More like a half smile, which he has never seen before. Spencer is just looking bored and bitchy as ever. But Ryan. He turns to face his three goons and hisses.

“I hate all of you.”

“You cannot hate the Cobra!” Brendon feels like head-banging into Gabe.

***

The next few days there is a pattern. There is almost a schedule. Brendon gets his lunch, makes a pit stop at his own table, giggles with Vicky at Frank and Mikey, rolls his eyes at William’s flirting and then skips - literally Wizard-of-Oz-skips - to Ryan and Spencer’s table. He always has a full on grin, no matter what. And Ryan will smile back. It'll be a three quarter smile, not the half smile he rarely gets but the kind of smile a parent would give their kid after they did something unnaturally stupid or just adorable. The half smiles are all, Brendon notices, saved for Spencer. Brendon dreams of Ryan’s half smile for him. The half smile so full of something; so full of admiration, of safety. Brendon wants safety. He wants Ryan’s safety encasing him. Brendon should get his head checked.

“Brenny, get your boy toys to join us,” Sisky grins toothily at Brendon. Brendon smiles a small smile, blushing from everywhere. Greta winks at him. He feels a giggle bubble up at his throat and he laughs loud and obnoxious. He glances at Ryan and Spencer’s table to see Ryan’s head cocked to the side, watching him. Spencer was watching him too; but Brendon sees that Spencer was watching Ryan first. Ryan was always first.

“Hey you guys! Over here,” he tries to shout across the cafeteria. They understood him but Spencer gives a imperceptible shake of his head. Ryan catches it and frowns deeply. Brendon loses them so he grins and waves and motions for them to join him. Spencer finally turns to Ryan and Brendon can see him deflate as he sighs.

Slowly they both stands up, lunchtray in hand, and make their way to Brendon. Ryan leading a very, very sulky Spencer.