The Beginning of the End

It's been a week since the breakup. I've literally spent April vacation miserable and pushing myself to make plans. I've hung out with Caitlin and made plans for the end of the week, but that's it. It's too hard to get up in the morning. I feel depression creeping up on me, so I head to the gym to clear my head.

It's 8 PM and I get a Facebook message. It's my guy friend, Spencer. He messages me "You, me, movies 8:55 for pain and gain." I couldn't say no to that and I needed to do something fun. It was Friday night; Friday night plans are rare for me so I decided to take him up on the offer. We messaged back for a bit, confirmed the plans, and then I started to get ready. I couldn't wait to go to the movies! I was limited on time, since it was around 8:15 when we stopped talking. I got ready as quick as I could, but told myself "It's too early for a rebound. You can't do that to Spencer, he's a good friend."

Spencer called me, telling me he was here but couldn't locate my apartment building. I answered, told him I'd be a few minutes and tried helping him find my building. But I ended up meeting him at a nearby building, because it was too dark for him to find it. I left my apartment, went downstairs, and shook my head as I walked to building three.

Spencer called me once more, as I entered building three's parking lot. We ended up talking a bit in the car.

"I didn't know you drove, or had your own car!"

"Actually, this is my mom's car and she let me have it for the night."

"Oh, I see."

We ended up talking about parents and driving, how I don't have a license and my mom does not trust me driving a car. He laughed when I mentioned that and were getting closer to the theater. I was getting nervous, because I felt like he'd try something. I hadn't told him I was single, I couldn't bare to tell the story again.

We got into the theater, I offered to pay for my ticket. I took out my wallet but he stopped me.

"I asked you to come, let me pay. Okay?"

"You sure? I brought my own money."

"Yes, I'm sure. Don't worry about it."

"Okay, whatever you say."

We bought snacks and headed down the hallway to look for theater 7. It was right down the hall to the left but we had trouble finding it. It's such a small theater so getting lost finding the theater made no sense, to be honest.

We got into the theater, and I was hoping Spencer was not into me. I don't even think he knew he was doing this, but it happened. Spencer mimicked my actions and leaned into me; two tell-tale signs that a guy is into. I knew how hard he wanted to try something like the yawn thing, but I wasn't going to let it happen. I don't need a rebound, especially not him. Maybe he knew I was single? But who would have mentioned it to him?

The movie, Pain and Gain, happened to be pretty funny. The plot itself was crappy but I enjoyed it regardless. I just wanted to get out of that theater because I was scared of how he'd react if I HAD to reject him. Spencer was a weird kid, not good with showing his feelings and I had had some feelings for him. It just wasn't the right time for this, at all. I wish I had met him before Adam but that didn't happen.

He drove me home and managed to find my apartment, with my directions. Before I got out, I made a sarcastic comment:

"Now you know where I live and you can stalk me!"

He laughed and responded "I will, don't you worry."

I laughed, got out of the car and thanked him for a great night.

"I had a great time tonight, thank you."

Damn it, should I have taken the chance to rebound? I was beside myself with regrets and grief over the breakup. It's just too damn hard.