Dear Boy, Love Girl

Why the fuck am I so incapable of hating you? Because if there was ever a time that I really wanted to hate you it would be now. But I still can't.

You told me you weren't actually high that night. You just wanted a way to push me away, because you were so scared other people would hurt me if we ended up together. I think at this stage though I would welcome that. Because right now the only person who has hurt me is you. Just you.

You've pretty much destroyed me. And I can't be mad because I let you. I have given you the power to hurt me. I never meant for that to happen.

The problem is this damn connection we have. No matter what we always end up back to each other. And while I love it because it means even for a little while I get you, I hate it too. Because it feels like the connection is stronger on my end than yours. You don't want me like I want you. You don't need me the same way that I need you. Someday you'll find someone better, who you feel a stronger connection with and I will have never meant anything. Someday you'll forget me.

And it sucks because I know I will never forget you. I'm not your first love. Nor will I be your last. But you are my first. And that means I will always somewhere deep down love you.

Love always,
Girl