Dark Side

I quickly walked through the hallways, slipping past the group of jocks standing in the middle of the passage, my small frame allowing me to squeeze into the small gap between them and the lockers. Rounding the corner, I stopped abruptly, a dark figure standing in front of my locker, fiddling with the lock. I edged closer to the boy, coughing slightly. He looked up suddenly, his ebony hair settling over deep emerald eyes.

" Uh…..what are you doing," I asked hesitantly. He seemed to shrink closer to the locker, his shoulders caving into his body. "Whoa dude, chill. I'm not here to hurt you or shit," I exclaimed, hands waving frantically in the air. The boy straightened up slightly, though fear still shone in his eyes.

"Hey, um I gotta ask, what are you doing though?" The boy looked puzzled, raking his hand haphazardly through the long locks. I giggled, barely smothering it with my hand. He looked up and stared at me quizzically.

"Well, uh this is my locker. And you're in front of it…..trying to open it……" I said slowly.

"Oh shit, this is? I'm sorry, I thought it was mine," the boy laughed nervously, shaking his head.

"Hey, man, it's okay. Not like you knew," I reasoned. I stuffed my hands in my blazer pockets, "Oh! By the way, I'm Frank." I flipped the fringe out of my eyes, staring up at the boy.

"Nice to officially meet you Frank, I'm Gerard," Gerard stuck out his right hand. I yanked my hands out of the pockets, shaking Gerard's hand nimbly. Gerard widened his eyes and quickly scooted out from in front of my locker. I shook my head, stepping forward to dial the combination. I ripped open my locker, quickly shoving my books and backpack into it. I turned around, only to bump face first into Gerard's chest.

"Shit, sorry. Let me get out of the way," he mumbled, a small blush creeping across his cheeks. I shuffled backwards, my back hitting the cool, metal locker door.

"Hey, Gerard, you seriously need to stop apologizing. You did nothing wrong." I glanced down at my shoes, a small Misfits pin lying on the tiled floor. "Dude!!! Is this yours???" I bent down, retrieving the small object.

"Yeah, damn I didn't know I dropped that, thanks Frank." Gerard plucked the pin from off my palm, fastening it onto his backpack strap. "I would've been so fucked if I lost that." He looked back at me, a small smile across his face.

I laughed, pushing Gerard away lightly. "Ok, we need to be friends, there is no way in hell that you are going to walk away without my number programmed into your phone," I stated, hands on my hips. Gerard stared at me before erupting into laughter; damn did Gerard have a nice laugh.

"Ok, sure but you have to see my schedule, so that I know that I will have a friend in one of my classes," Gerard replies, pulling a slip of paper out of his front pocket. He unfolded the paper and handed it to me. I peered at the words lining the page, "Hey!! I'm a freshman too! That's so awesome," I exclaimed. "We have lunch and English together."
I handed the page back to Gerard; he slid it back into his pocket before nervously ruffling his hair again. "Sweet, well see you later Frank," Gerard waved his hand slowly turning, before walking down the hall and turning the corner.

****one year later****

"Hey Gerard, can you scoot your ass over. I may be small, but that doesn't mean you can take up all the room," I placed my hands on my hips, staring down at Gerard sprawled across his bed. He groaned, but shifted over so that I could sit down next to him.

"Would you pass me the controller Gerard, I can't reach it," I whined in his ear. Gerard turned toward the side table, grappling for the controller, and mumbling. "What did you say? I can't hear you."

"I said, 'Quit whining, short motherfucker," Gerard said clearly. He handed me the controller, returning to stare at the television.

"What the fuck dude, did somebody wake up on the wrong side of the bed today," I joked, poking Gerard in the side. His eyes screwed shut and he took a deep breath, "More like the wrong side of life." I pulled my hand away, staring at Gerard cautiously. He took another deep breath and turned off the tv.

"Why so serious, I mean, sure, we're fucked up! For goodness sakes I'm bi and going to catholic school! Total cliché," I urged, turning to fully face him. Gerard's face was fallen, his eyes dark and somber. "What's wrong, you can tell me. I'm your goddamned best friend," I whispered, flicking my hair out of my face.

Gerard ran both hands through is hair, causing it to stick up wildly in the back, "I don't know, but I do know. Know what I mean? It's like, you have this feeling and you don't know what to do with it, so you have to suppress it and you become all pissy and depressed and other shit," he rambled.

"No. I know what you mean, but I know you're not telling me everything. So spit it out or so help me, I will tickle you into oblivion," I threatened weakly. Gerard sighed, dropping his hands into his lap. He leaned back against the headboard and closed his eyes.

"I'm gay." I blinked at Gerard slowly, mouth dropping. Holy shit, was not expecting that. "What. The. Fuck," I drawled. Gerard opened his eyes slowly, looking at me sheepishly. I opened my mouth and closed it again. We were silent for a few moments, me processing this new information while Gerard stared at me, looking scared.

"I thought you were straight," I managed to get out.

"Me too. Trust me, I was surprised when I figured it out," Gerard replied calmly.

"How….how do you know that you're gay," I questioned, looking directly into Gerard's eyes. Gerard barked out a laugh, relaxing a little, "Do you want to know the x-rated version or the clean version?"

I punched Gerard in the arm, "Preferably the clean version, if you would be so kind. I don't need to be scarred for life."

"You've already been scarred for life, idiot," Gerard said fondly.

"Yeah but I don't want to know about your sexual life and fantasies, that's just gross," I replied, shuddering a little.

"True. Anyway, how do I know? Well, girls just don't cut it for me. Yeah they're beautiful, but I can't imagine me, you know, having sex with them. Also, I have this giant crush, shut up I know, on this guy, he's awesome and he doesn't make fun of my hair….." Gerard answered.

I squeaked a little at the end, "What school does he go to!?"
Gerard paled slightly, "Our school."

"Oh. Well fuck. I don't know any other gay or bi guys at our school, other than me. So you're kind of screwed," I replied sadly. I crawled over to Gerard and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. He sighed and fell into my embrace.

"Yeah, I know."

****two years later****

I slammed my locker door closed, turning angrily. I stormed down the hallway, rushing past the flow of teenagers leaving the school. I emerged from the main doors, squinting my eyes against the sunlight; I tore out my cigarette pack and lit up. I sucked in the smoke of the cancer stick, adjusting my back pack. Leaning against the brick wall, I watched as the other students gathered in groups or drove out of the parking lot.

The sound of shuffling feet and a heavy sigh sounded next to me, "Hey Gerard."
"Hey Frankie," his voice filled with sadness. I looked over, glancing at Gerard before staring down at my feet. I puffed out smoke, and then tossed the cigarette stub on the ground, squishing it with the toe of my sneakers.

"Come on, let's go home." Gerard stood up and began walking toward the street. I huffed, but rushed over to walk next to Gerard. I spied at him from the corner of my eye, noticing a bruise start to form on his cheek.

"What happened this time," I casually asked. Gerard stumbled at the question; I quickly grabbed his shoulder to keep him from falling. His breath hissed and he closed his eyes in pain. I let go of his arm when both feet were stable.

"One of the lacrosse players thought I was checking him out," Gerard stated. I sighed and looked up at Gerard.

"Come on, let's get some ice on that, otherwise it'll hurt like a bitch tomorrow." I grabbed Gerard's wrist and tugged him in the direction of my house. Gerard started to protest, but ended up following me anyway.

"My mom's not home, so you don't need to worry about her seeing your cheek," I said while opening the front door. Gerard followed me in, shutting the door behind him. I motioned towards the kitchen, kicked off my shoes and dropped my backpack.

"So why are you pissed off, Frank?" Gerard entered the kitchen as I grabbed a bag of frozen peas from the freezer. I tossed the peas up in the air and caught them; thinking.
"I got shoved in a locker again," I replied bitterly. Gerard looked up, peering at me from under his black hair.
"Oh, again?"
"Yeah, and that's not the worst of it. I missed half of last period, and ended up getting detention on Monday. Thank fuck its Friday though." I sighed walked towards Gerard, handing him the frozen bag of peas, "Now let's take a look at your shoulder."

Gerard paled, shaking his head vigorously, "No. My shoulder's fine. I don't need anything."

"Fucking bullshit Gerard, I saw your face when I grabbed your shoulder. So don't even lie," I moved forward and grabbed Gerard's blue blazer, pulling at it. "Take off your jacket so I can look at it. Come on don't make me force you out of it." I tugged harder on the sleeve.

Gerard inched back, his whole body shaking, "No, I'm not going to take off my jacket. My shoulder is fine, so leave it."

"Like hell I will," I lunged forward and grappled at Gerard's jacket trying to pull it off his body. Gerard continued to shake, attempting to escape. I pinned both arms to the wall and breathed heavily, "Seriously, dude. What the fuck. Just let me look at it. God damn, it's not like I haven't seen you without a shirt or anything."

Gerard opened and closed his mouth, he shook his head again, eyes wide and glistening. I sighed and let go of his arms, stepping back to give him space. "Just please take the jacket off, same with your shirt. I don't want you to have a giant ass cut or bruise on your arm."

Gerard shook his head again, whimpering slightly. "No. I can't take it off." I smiled sadly before turning Gerard around, gripping the front of his jacket with both hands and quickly slipping it off in one motion. I tossed the jacket, it landing on the other side of the kitchen.

I heard a rustle and turned around to find Gerard staring at me, eyes wide and scared. "Hey chill, I'm not going to hurt you, just take off your shirt and let me look at your shoulder, then , boom, all done. 'Kay?"

Gerard shook his head again, shrinking farther into himself and the wall. Just like the first time we met. I stepped closer to Gerard, ruffled his hair and smiled at him. I felt him go still. Sighing I glanced down, eyes skimming past Gerard's rolled up sleeves and to his shoes.

I stopped breathing, took a step closer to Gerard and grasped his left arm, pulling it up. I yanked the sleeve farther up his arm, and stared down at his wrist. Gerard squealed and tried to pull his arm back. I gripped his arm tighter.

"Gerard……" I looked up, into his eyes, tears slowly falling down his cheeks. I looked back down to his wrist, slowly running my fingers over each scar. When my fingers hit the top of Gerard's sleeve, I carefully rolled the sleeve farther up, exposing new cuts.

"Gerard….why," I whispered, a tear rolling down my cheek. Dropping his left arm, I reached for the other. Gerard snatched his arms back and clutched his chest. He was sobbing, I moved forward and pulled him into a hug, face buried in his chest.

Gerard's knees buckled, and we both slid to the ground. I squeezed Gerard tighter, and then pulled away, giving him a small kiss to his forehead. I pulled Gerard to my chest and let him soak my shirt until his tears stopped.

He rose up, sniffling and looking at me with a sad expression. I stood up, grabbed both of Gerard's hands, and pulled him off the ground, "Come on let's go to my room."

Gerard nodded his head and followed my silently to my room. I waited until he got in and sat down on my bed before I shut the door. I padded over to my bed and settled down next to Gerard. He leaned against me; I started to run my hands through his hair, untangling the long locks.

"Gee. Do you want to talk about it?"

He shook his head and buried his face closer to my chest, inhaling deeply. Ten minutes had passed, with Gerard's face in my chest, my hands in his hair. Gerard finally moved away from me, eyes red from crying.

"I…I'm sorry, Frankie"

"Don't be sorry Gee. Do you want to tell me why though," I looked at Gerard, grabbing his wrists and moving my thumb over the scars lightly.

Gee shivered, "I don't know if I can, it's hard to explain." Gerard blushed and ducked his head. I chuckled and pulled him in for another hug.

"Please try to explain, for me alright." Gerard nodded his head and took a deep breath. His cheeks were still flushed. I continued to rub my thumbs over his wrists, counting each scar.

"Ok. But don't interrupt. So it starts right before I moved here," another deep breath, "the day that my brother, Mikey, died. You see, he had an extreme medical condition where he couldn't breathe really well. It's called COPD, short for chronic obstructive pulmonary disease. Well he died from that, I was already a really weird kid, but after his death, I turned in on myself, hardly talking to anyone. I didn't even have any friends."

"We moved here because of my dad's job, and then you became my best friend, things started to look a lot better for me. I stopped feeling depressed and stopped the self-harm. But….but then it started to get a little worse each day, because I started having feelings for someone that I shouldn't have feelings for. I knew I was gay then, and you found out Frankie." Gerard took another deep breath and shook his hands out.

"When I came out to my parents, my dad…he left us. He said that he didn't want a gay son, homophobic bastard. THAT was when I started cutting again and I fell back into depression. It didn't help that the guy that I liked was completely oblivious to my feelings, even though I dropped hints all the time."

I started to breathe quickly, knowing that he was getting closer to the ending, a few tears leaking out of the corners of my eyes.

"When the school found out, everything went to hell. I was constantly being bullied. I didn't tell you because you had your own things to work out, and you didn't need to know about it. And even through those three years, I steadily continued to fall in love with this amazing guy. I set myself up for failure and I knew that, so cutting was my escape from all the pain. That brings us to today." Gerard heaved a sigh, looking down.
I stared up at him; my thumbs stopped rubbing Gerard's wrist. "Gerard, you could have told me, idiot. I'm always here for you. You don't need to hide anything from me."

"But I have to, otherwise we can never be friends," he urged, looking up at me with clear, green eyes.

"You 'have' to. So you're still hiding something from me. Why," I asked quietly. "I thought we were best friends."

"Because if I told you, you would never talk or look at me again," he said, defeated. His face was sorrowful, eyes shining with sadness. I could never hate you. I picked up both of Gerard's arms, bringing the left arm up. I looked back down at his scars, tears welled in my eyes. Bending forward, I placed a kiss on his wrist, continuing to give little pecks until I reached the last scar on this arm. I did the same for the right arm.

"I would never hate you, I can't. It's impossible for me to hate you Gee, don't forget that." I placed both of his arms back on the bed and leaned forward, getting closer to Gerard. An inch separated our faces; I looked into Gerard's eyes, the beautiful, wide, hazel eyes and bit my lip ring. I glanced down at Gerard's lips, then back up. His breathing was shallow, coming out in short puffs that blew over my lip.

"I'm such an idiot, Gerard." I closed the distance between our lips, a small sigh escaping my mouth. Gerard's mouth worked against mine, lips meshing together perfectly. I opened my mouth slightly and ran my tongue over Gerard's lower lip, asking for permission to enter.
Gerard trembled and parted his lips. I breathed through my nose as my tongue ran along the top of Gerard's teeth, and then plunged deeper, rubbing along the roof of his mouth. A moan rang through Gerard, into my own mouth. I pulled back from Gerard, breathing heavily. Smiling at Gerard, I placed a small peck on the corner of his mouth.

Gerard stared at me, eyes filled with shock and mouth red from kissing.
"Frank….."

"Shh, Gerard. I'm such an idiot. I should have known, and I'm sorry for not finding out until now," I blushed, looking down and scratching the back of my head. "I'm sorry that I couldn't be there for you and I'm sorry that I couldn't protect you." I looked up again, leaning close, "And I'm sorry that I didn't know how much I loved you."

Gerard smiled, leaned in a kissed me. He pulled back and stared at me for a few moments. "I love you Frankie, so much."

I smiled at him, eyes shining, "I love you too. I've seen your dark side, and you have seen mine. I love you more than the world." I tackled Gerard with a hug, knocking us both off the bed and onto the floor. I placed my lips on Gerard's and giggled into his mouth. Gerard smiled against my lips and laughed at me. I pouted and pushed Gerard off of me.
"Hey Gerard, just promise me one thing. Don't do it anymore, okay."

Gerard snuggled up to me and wrapped his arms around my torso, "Okay, I promise I wont."