All This Pain...

As we locked eyes I couldn't help but fall into that spell. The one that you can't rid yourself of no matter what happens. Like you're being dragged in a new world where everything is perfect, where nothing could go wrong because everyone matters. A place where there's no such thing as 'different' and there's no such thing as 'freaks'. Everyone is perfect and everyone is their own person. Ultimately, its the place where everyone dreams of..

It's the place that I dream of.

I wish that me and Ash could just be in each others arms. Laying in bed cuddled up in front of TV watching something that reminds us that we would always be together, preferably Batman. I just need him to show me that I can be better. I want to be beautiful, and someone that everyone wants to be around. I want to be shown that there's a place in this world that I could easily fit in to. I don't care if there's no Batman, or music, or performing. I just want Ashley.

"Andy?" I was snapped from my thoughts and immediately broke the gaze. See what I mean?

"Andy.. listen buddy. I just want you to know that I heard what you said. But I don't care. I don't care that you love me, or that you're homosexual. I love you for you, and only that way. I mean yeah, I was shocked at the words, but that would never change my opinion about you because you're perfect just the way you are. You shouldn't even care what I think."

But I do.

"You shouldn't care what the band thinks."

But I do.

"You shouldn't let words and unneeded thoughts ruin your life."

But I do.

"Do you understand? Because this, is not okay."

As I looked down I just about passed back out. I watched as he stared sadly at little scars that lived on my higher arms, just below my shoulder. "I couldn't imagine you hurting yourself. How could you even imagine yourself, bringing that blade to your skin and slicing. Does it help? No. You may feel good in the moment but after you have to live with it. You have to live being reminded that you fell, that you caved in, and you have to deal with the memories that swim in the back of your head. Doing this hurts your family, your friends, it hurts me Andy. You might as well put the blade to all of our wrists. That's what I'd want. Because Andy, I'll take this pain for you and I know the rest of the band would to. When you sing, the lyrics have meaning. Everything you live for, sing for, preach, its all for nothing when you do this."
I looked at him in shock at those words but my mind said a whole new thing. "Why would you care?" I asked quietly. He sighed before grabbing my hands and lifting my chin. "Because Andy, I love you."

See, he- wait what?
Tears came to my eyes and I stared at him in disbelief. "You what?" "Andy I've developed these feelings a while ago. I tried to ignore them, especially since I didn't know you loved me back, but now that I know I need you to know. I need you to know that you aren't alone anymore, well you weren't before but now you know for a fact." I grabbed his hands back and held tighter as he let go. He wiped my tears before grabbing my chin lightly and connecting our lips. "I love you." He mumbled just before I kissed back.

Maybe things could change.