Seize The Day Even Though You're 2000 Lightyears Away

It was early afternoon by the time I woke up the next day. Stella had gone to the grocery store while I slept and I only knew this by the note that she had left on the table next to my bed. Mentally I groaned when I saw the clock’s time glaring back at me. I hated wasting the day away with sleep and I knew I would regret it later when I tried to go back to bed later tonight.

Sunlight could be seen peeking through my ivory curtains in front of my window, the leaves of the trees barely shaking through the light breeze that also seemed to move the small cotton ball clouds across the sun’s path. Two girls I wouldn’t guess move than five years old each danced around their father’s legs as he stood next to the grill, flipping over hamburgers for his family.

I smiled to myself as I remembered how my life had been this way so long ago. The way my dad’s face would light up with happiness as I handed him a poorly colored drawing out of my children’s coloring book. Making it seem like it was the greatest thing that he had ever laid his eyes upon before he hung it up on the fridge with a magnet. He always made me feel like I was so special, his princess that was his favorite nickname for me. And even though I knew there were thousands of girls out there who wanted to be with him, mom and myself were the only two girls that he wanted in his life. The content man with his wife and three children. The perfect life as he liked to say.

As years passed I grew older, blossoming into the woman that I am today. By this time it was a few years since mom’s death and this had taken a toll on dad’s personality. He was still the loving and caring man that he had always been but grief had masked it’s black shadow over dad’s eyes. He was no longer as active, didn’t care to do as much as he used to and it even caused his band to separate for a few years, their only return before his own death was a little side project they liked to call Foxboro Hot Tubs. It was a joke to him but I noticed how his old self would come back when he performed, Billie Joe Armstrong the rock star and man who loved what he did with music. My hero.

When I finally opened my eyes from my memories I saw that the two girls and man had gone, the lid of the grill had been closed and they had gone inside. A metaphor thrown in my face as this showed me that not everything lasts as long as you want it to. No matter how much I begged, pleaded, cried and screamed my memories would never be a reality in my future. I had to grow up and act twenty two not five like my youthful neighbors. It just wasn’t fair though.

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My mind was in a daze as I absent mindedly found my way walking through the park. A slight breeze played across my face and it felt nice compared to the warm latté in my hand. Mike has rubbed off on me with his coffee fetishes I’m sorry to say.

I don’t know how I ended up here or how long it took me to walk here but all I knew was that I had started to take a walk to clear my mind and this is where I stopped. This is the place where I usually go when I want to be alone so I guess after all the years of just coming here my feet just knew where to take me without my mind even thinking about it.

I could feel the heat of the hot summer’s day start to wear on me as I wandered to the miniature pond near the edge of the park. The light breeze that filled the air caused slow, faint ripples to move across the water and delicately hit the other side of the bank. An elegant swan could been seen gliding through the water, moving with grace and occasionally dipping it’s long attractive neck into the water to relieve itself from the growing temperature.

I stepped over to the wooden bench that bordered the water and casually sat to watch more of this appealing bird. Thinking to myself that it was a shame I didn’t bring any bread for it I was only able to sit and observe, picking up on it’s unusual beauty, excellence and purity. It watched me as it swam through the murky, pale blue water. Eyeing me as if I were being judged and I shifted uncomfortably in my seat.

If I were to ever be a bird I wouldn’t be a swan. Swan’s are too perfect, too flawless for my liking. The supermodel of all the other birds and that much impeccable embodiment would be enough to make me want to kill myself. If I were a bird I’d be a dove. Doves are just as beautiful as a swan but they represent many greater things. Things such as a well being of innocence, gentleness and my most favorite, peace. The same cunning qualities as a swan but with a greater purpose than just being attractive.

As I sat there watching the bird, waiting for any faults that I knew wouldn’t come I couldn’t help but slightly feel like Noah from The Notebook. The way he would sit at his pond everyday and feed the swan he thought was his beloved Allie. He would talk to her, bringing her bread each day and tell her how things were going with his life while the immaculate bird just ate and listened. His children thought he was crazy to do it as they knew that he was probably just turning senile. They thought that thinking that their mother had come back as a swan was simply foolish to think about and that their father’s behavior was just confirming their suspicions that he would never truly move on from his lost love. But yet he stayed. He fed the swan everyday no matter what remarks were thrown at him and I thought if there were any possibilities of that actually happening. Could I possibly believe that people could come back to their loved ones even after their death? That their love could be strong enough to make that happen? I wondered if it my father could ever come back as a bird.

He wouldn’t come back as a swan though. No my dad was too reckless and full of life to be a boring swan. If I were to guess I would probably say that he would be a penguin. Short, Cute and full of life. That would be my dad for you.

And then I thought to myself Why am I thinking that my father could be a damn bird? People don’t come back as birds. People don’t even come back as fish, lions, monkeys or even Koala bears if you get my point. It was a dumb idea and I felt even more brainless the longer I fathomed it. So dumb that I ended up laughing at myself though it held no humor.

“What’s so funny?” A voice from behind me said, and I let out a small gasp of surprise when I turned around. Joey and Jake were making their way towards the small bench. Joey was wearing his favorite pair of aviator sunglasses and Jake had on an Anaheim Angels baseball cap. They were obviously enjoying the blistering heat more than I was.

“Oh nothing.” I replied as he sat down next to me, Jake on the opposite side to my left. “Just thinking about something stupid really.”

He looked out at the pond himself as I was still looking at the water. The swan had flown off as soon as Joey and Jake came over and I was actually kind of glad that it had left. Just another reminder that nothing can be perfect like itself.

“So what are you doing out here by yourself then?” he asked. “Stella called me looking for you since you left your phone at the house. She’s been worried for the past hour.”

I had to fight the urge to roll my eyes at Stella. “Well I didn’t go to the bar or anything if that’s what you guys were thinking…I just needed some time on my own for awhile is all.”

Jake seemed to be concerned as he wrapped one of his arms around my shoulders, gently pulling me a little closer to him. He was starting to look more like dad each and everyday and sometimes it killed me to just look at him.

“What’s going on sis? Are you alright?” he asked.

I nodded my head as I leaned against his chest, wrapping a protective arm around his slim waist. “I’m alright…I’ve just been thinking.”

“About dad?” he whispered and I nodded again.

Joey let out an inaudible sigh but I stopped him before he could say anything. “I just think something needs to be done you know? I mean all those people out there…they need just as much help with this as we do.”

“So what are you suggesting?” Joey asked. “You want to have some televised event?” his facial expression clearly read that he thought that was a bad idea and I couldn’t have agreed more.

“No of course not.” I defended. “I wouldn’t want any money out of it but I just think that one of us should say something to all the fans. Like gather a bunch of people together as the last memorial service and then maybe that’s when one of us would talk to them. I mean they loved him just as much as we did and it would be the right thing to do. It would give us all a chance for closure.”

Both of them seemed to think about it for a moment before any acclaims were said, the first one coming from Joey. “You know that actually doesn’t sound like a bad idea. I think we could make that work.”

“And we could even get a few bands to come if they wanted.” Jake suggested. “You know playing old Green Day, The Network and Foxboro Hot Tubs covers. Do you think that would be alright?”

“I don’t see a problem with that.” I said. “I’m sure everyone would love that.”

Joey smiled at me as I looked at him and it took me by surprise to tell you the truth. He hadn’t done that for the past two weeks so that made me really happy. I smiled back at him and gave his hand a small comforting squeeze. “Everything’s going to be alright.”