Listen to Your Heart

Cat's POV

The rest of the drive to John's parents was silent. He forced a smile though, trying to put Maria's mind at ease, but she gripped my hand harder and I could feel my heart break. I couldn't help but feel they'd been doomed from the start. It was a cruel injustice, because I’d never seen two people more perfect for each other, or two people who deserved each other this much, and to just be happy.

The ride was uncomfortable at best. The only noise was the hum of the engine and the sound of Tom Petty trickling through the speakers. Finally we pulled up outside his house. His mum was already on the porch and she appeared to be sipping lemonade. I wondered if the stereotype was really real or if it was just Mrs O’Callaghan.

“Welcome!” she beamed, her southern accent thick. “I hope y’all had a nice time last night! Do you want some of my homemade lemonade?” she offered. Her voice accent was thick and sweet, and it felt like home. No wonder Maria spent most of her childhood here. There was something so soft and kind about her, and I felt more welcome than I ever had in my entire life.

“I’d love some.” I grinned, as she handed me a glass. Maria and John were shuffling awkwardly on their feet, neither meeting each others gaze, and I felt like I wasn’t the only one who had noticed. Mrs O’Callaghan shot them both a look, but didn’t say anything, and some how I figured it was something she had been doing a lot over the years.

“So, how’s my baby boy doing? I worry about you! You never come home. Your father and I have missed you!” John shuffled his feet awkwardly as his mum coddled him. Maria however didn’t even crack a smirk.

Mrs O’Callaghan ushered us inside for dinner, and as the evening progressed I found myself relaxing more and more, it was so easy to be around them, but Maria and John had still barely said two words to each other. Everyone had picked up on it. Mr O’Callaghan even asked if there was something going on between them. He wouldn’t believe they hadn’t had another one of their stupid fights. Ross hadn’t said a word, and Shane had spent the whole meal shooting me smirks and rolling his eyes repeatedly at his mother.

After dinner the boys cleared out, aside from John. “Oh Maria, dear I have to show you all these pictures I found in the attic the other day!” she dragged her off, leaving me with John. Alone.

“So, are you going to tell me what’s going on?” I finally asked, after a few moments of silence.

“I’ve just been thinking.” he sighed, “I love her.”

“But?”

“I can’t keep this up. I’m so stressed out. Too many people know about us, but it’s not just that, I can’t keep this up. I can’t keep lying to everyone. Do you think I didn’t notice the look my mom kept giving me?”

“You’re going to crush her.” I didn’t mean for it to come out, but I couldn’t help it. Maria was my best friend, and the idea of her hurting that much was too much for me to bear.

“I know. I don’t want to. I can’t stand the thought of hurting her, but I love her Cat. I love her so much and as much as this will hurt her, what’ll happen if I don’t call and end to it will hurt her more.” he was crying.

“If you just explain to her, she’ll understand.” If she knew the truth she’d understand, and yeah it would still hurt her, but it wouldn’t crush her.

“Cat, I need her to think it’s real. I need her to believe this. She won’t give up on us if she doesn’t think it’s real. I need her to think this is the end for us, because it’s the only way I know how to protect her. When this gets out, it’ll be the end for both of us, because right now it’s not an if, it’s when. I need to know that this isn’t going to affect her future, because I know she’s worried about me, and my future, but the truth is if it gets found out that she’s having an affair with a teacher, she’ll never get into college. Do you think any college will risk it? I need to know she’s safe, and the only way I know how to do that is to put an end to us. I love her too much to let her get hurt.” I’d never seen a grown man sob, and it was utterly heartbreaking. What’s worse is I knew he was right.

Maria needed someone to look out for her, and he was doing it. I was just going to have to be there to pick up the pieces. “You’re a good man John, and I hope to god you two get your happy ending, because god knows you two deserve it. Just try not to break her heart too bad.” I couldn’t stop tears forming in my eyes.

“She’ll get hers, it just won’t be with me. This is it for us though. She won’t take me back after this. If I end this, I have to face the fact she’ll never look at me again.” he sighed, wiping the tears from his eyes.

“Are you sure about this? I’m sure there are other ways around this.” I tried to reason.

“Honestly? No. I just know that I need to do what’s best for her, and ending this is what is best for her. The selfish part of me is telling me to pull her close, and never let her got, but that’s not right. It’s not fair on either of us.”

I didn’t get to say anything else because just then Maria walked back in the room. “Are you guys okay?” she asked, panicked as she noticed both our tear stained faces.

“Yeah, I think it’s time I took you home.” John managed to pull himself together.

“Oh, okay?” she seemed confused, and she shot me a look asking for clarification but I couldn’t bring myself to look her in the eye. I couldn’t, not knowing what I knew.

“I’m going to go and say goodbye.” John mumbled, leaving the room.

Maria stared at me hesitantly, “Are you going to tell me what’s going on?” she asked, but I knew from the look of sheer panic and desperation in her eyes that she already knew what I knew. She’d known all afternoon. She’d known even before he made the decision.

I shook my head, again avoiding her gaze. My throat had closed up and I couldn’t physically say anything. “Please, Cat. Please.” I could swear I felt my heart physically break at that moment. I’d never really been emotional when it came to other peoples relationships, and I’d given up being a romantic a long time ago. Heartbreak changed me in ways I never thought possible, but there was something about John and Maria that gave me hope. He looked at her like she put the stars in the sky, and I’d always thought that saying was cheesy bullshit, but then I saw how he looked at her. She was his sunshine. His reason to get up every morning, and it was written on his face. He was right, it wouldn’t take people long to figure things out, because he wore it on his face, and so did she.

I didn’t have to say anything though because John came back in the room and motioned for us to follow him. I sat in the middle on the way back at Maria’s insistence. This journey was different from the other one. This silence was different, and there was not echo of Tom Petty to fill it. This time there was a weight to the air; it was so heavy I thought I was going to suffocate.

After what felt like an eternity we arrived at Maria’s house. All the lights but her parents bedroom were off, and it was then that I realised how late it was. The clock was reading 11:40pm but John struck me as the sort of person who set his clock ten minutes slow to give the illusion of more time.

“I’ll be in your room.” I whispered as I clambered out the cab. “Thanks for tonight John.” I breathed as I shot him a supportive smile. God knows he needed it.

“It was nice to meet you Cat.”

I flew inside the house, running upstairs and collapsing on her bed, as my heart broke for the sweetest people I had ever known. It was then that I gave up on romance and love completely, because if those two couldn’t make it work, what hope did the rest of us have?

Ten minutes later the front door slammed, and there was a thud of heavy footsteps coming up the stairs.

“I really thought he loved me.” she wept, collapsing on the floor. “I thought he was different. I thought he meant everything he said, but he just up and left. He didn’t even fight for us. Fuck Cat, he didn’t fight for us!” she screamed, the anger and hurt over flowing, and I found myself crying along with her. I wanted nothing more than to tell her the truth, but he was right, she needed to be protected. She needed to be saved from herself.

“I know. I know, but I’m here.” I whispered, pulling her against me as she sobbed.

“I love him. I love him so fucking much, but he didn’t mean a word. I should have known he’d take the easy option, he always does. I just wanted to think better of him. I really believed he loved me. Why doesn’t he love me?” I couldn’t answer her. I didn’t know what to say. She was the one who always knew what to say.

Finally she calmed down, and her breathing had almost returned to normal. “I just feel so empty. I didn’t think it would feel like a physical hole in my chest. It feels like there is a black hole ripping through me.” she laughed bitterly, wiping the snot from her nose.

“I hoped to god you’d never have to feel that.” I sighed. No one ever deserved that emptiness.

“Did I do something wrong?” she asked, looking up at me, desperate and trying to hold back more tears.

“No.” I answered firmly, because it was the only thing I could tell her honestly and it was killing me.

“I love him.” and we were off for another round of tears, and I wondered if they would ever stop, because even to me what was happening felt never ending. I’d never felt something so dark and destructive hanging over someone, but the feeling resonating from her just felt so bleak, so hopeless, that I began to wonder if she’d ever get over this.