Listen to Your Heart

I stared blankly at John for a moment before shifting my gaze to Kennedy. I couldn't believe this. I couldn’t believe my brother. I thought he was taking me out to make me feel better, but it was just a trap. John shifted nervously in his seat, and the waitress who still hadn't left didn't seem to know what to do with herself. I gave her a pleasant smile letting her know she could leave, and she did, quickly.

"Why is he here?" I snapped, trying poorly to keep my voice down. Kennedy shot me a glare across the table.

"He is here because he is my friend and at one point he was your friend too. I want that back. I want my best friend and my sister to get along. Especially now he's your teacher." I scoffed. John and I had never been friends, never in the conventional sense anyway

"I know you hate me Maria, but I do want to get along." I caught the smirk in John’s eyes and couldn't help but roll my own. Two could play at that game.

"John I don't hate you, I just always thought you hated me and it upsets me." I pretended to look nervously down at the table. I gazed up at John and caught his eye, giving him a smirk. He looked at me in shock. I guess that hadn't been what he was expecting. I'd tried this once before but John had been better at it than me, but this time, this time I was going to win. I was determined to beat John at his own game.

Truth be told me and John had been friends at one point. We’d never been very conventional though, it’s not like we hung out or anything, Kennedy was the only person to ever know we were friends, and he was the only to ever know why we stopped being friends.

I’d been about fifteen when we first became friends. I’d gotten drunk at some party that I shouldn’t have been at. I was freaking out because my friend had disappeared, there were creepy college guys everywhere and I was pretty sure that the police were going to show up at any second.

I tried phoning Jared, but he didn’t answer. Garrett was out of town, and I couldn’t get hold of Pat. That left Kennedy or John and I couldn’t phone Kennedy because I’d promised him that I wouldn’t come to the party. We’d had a huge argument about it, he’d heard there were going to be a whole bunch of college guys there, and he didn’t want me around that, and eventually I had given up and told him I wasn’t going to go, but when Amanda showed up to get me I snuck out. I couldn’t phone Kennedy, he’d be so disappointed. That left me with John. So I did the one thing I thought I’d never do; I phoned John whilst crying and hyperventilating.

“J-John?” I gasped.

“Maria?” he replied groggily, I’d woken him up. He sounded worried, something I never thought I’d hear from John.

“C-can you come get m-me?” I managed to stutter through my sobs.

“Maria, what’s wrong? Where are you? Has someone hurt you?” I could hear his breathing hitch as he waited for my response.

“I’m at a party, I’m scared. Please, please just come get me?” I begged. I could hear him searching for something on the other end of the line; I assumed and hoped it was his keys.

“I’m on the way. What’s the address?” I heard his front door slam as I rattled off the address, “Right, stay on the line with me until I get there, okay?” It wasn’t really a question, rather an order. I didn’t bother to protest, truth be told I didn’t want to. I was scared. If the same thing happened to me now I’d be fine, but that was the first party I had gone to that wasn’t one of my brothers or his friends. It was nothing like I had thought it was going to be, and it was terrifying to fifteen year old me.

Five minutes later John pulled up at the curb in front of me. I clambered into the passenger side, water still pouring down my cheeks, but now I felt safe.

“Jesus Christ Maria, what happened to you? Did someone hurt you?” I saw anger flash through his eyes, and it almost scared me, but then I realised it wasn’t directed at me, but at whoever he thought had hurt me.

“N-no one, nothing happened to me. It- it just wasn’t how I thought it was going to be, and I promised Kennedy I wouldn’t come, and I didn’t know who else to call and I’m so sorry.” I began sobbing ever harder, unable to control myself.

“Shhh, Maria calm down it’s fine.” John leant over, and pulled me into an embrace. I let myself relax against his chest. “Are you okay?” He asked nervously as he pulled back from me slightly to see my face.

“Y-yeah, sorry John. I shouldn’t have called you.” I mumbled, wiping my eyes.

“No, I’m glad you did. Better you call me than anything happened to me.” It was in that moment that I noticed he wasn’t wearing a top…or shoes.

“John, where are the rest of your clothes?” I let out a snotty laugh.

“I didn’t really have time to finish getting dressed…I thought something really bad had happened.” He chuckled nervously.

“Thank you.” I wasn’t laughing any more. I was deadly serious. I was so thankful to him. He’d rushed over here because he thought I was in danger, and he seemed to genuinely care, and I had no idea he actually did. I always thought he just hated me.

“It’s fine Maria. I’m just glad you’re okay. If you ever need anything you can always come to me. I…I know we don’t really get along, but…but you are still important to me.” He was nervously running his hands through his hair, pulling it slightly.

“I…thank you, John.” I didn’t know what else to say. What else was there to say? I wasn’t sure what had happened.

“Do you want me to take you home?” Did I? No, not really. I didn’t want to face Kennedy. Not with my tear streamed face and puffy eyes. John clearly noticed my hesitation, “Or not? We could drive around for a bit, or you could come back to mine?”

“Both.” I replied. I didn’t want to go home tonight, but I wanted to drive for a bit. John simply nodded.

“Mind if we drop by mine so I can get a shirt and some shoes?” he smirked, and I merely shook my head in return.

John and I drove to his house in silence. He ran inside, but he was back within a minute, he was wearing a white t-shirt with a checked shirt over the top. I stared at him for a moment; I’d never quite noticed how attractive he was. I mean, I’d never been ignorant to his looks, there was no way you could call John O’Callaghan ugly, but I’d never quite taken in his exact beauty before. I suddenly felt my face flush crimson when I noticed John staring back at me. I averted my gaze back to the road.

“Where do you want to go?” he asked.

“Anywhere. Everywhere.” I stared longingly out of the window. I loved Tempe, but I’d never really been anywhere else before, I just wanted to see the world. To travel. Just to get in a car and drive.

“I know just the place.” And with that John and I embarked on our mighty adventure. I didn’t know where he was taking me, but somehow that didn’t matter. I trusted him. Even after three hours driving, I trusted him. I’d never really talked to John before, I mean I’d spoken to him, but we’d never really talked. I wasn’t even sure we were really talking now, it wasn’t anything important. Just things like his love for music. How much he loved literature and how much I wanted to travel, and see the world, and how much I wanted to help people. Maybe it wasn’t the important stuff, but it was stuff I’d never really told anyone before. I’d never had reason to or wanted to, but here I was now, telling the one person I thought I’d never tell anything.

“John, where are we going?” I finally asked after five hours of driving.

He smirked and I could tell he was excited, “I’ve always wanted to do this. We’re nearly there, you’ll see.” I looked at the clock on the dashboard, it was nearly five in the morning, and I seriously had no idea what we were doing.

Less than half an hour later we pulled up at the beach front.

“John, where are we?” I laughed. The sun hadn’t quite begun to rise yet, but it was going too soon, and it was going to be beautiful.

“San Diego. Well Mission beach. I always wanted to take a drive out to the pacific, and watch the sun rise over the ocean. You seemed like you could use it too. Look, no matter how far you look, you can’t see any more land. You can imagine going anywhere you want from here.” I felt my eyes begin to tear again. John had put a lot of thought into this, a lot of effort too. It was exactly what I needed, and it was beautiful. The beach was dead, and the sun was beginning to rise.

“Thank you, thank you so much John. You have no idea…” I couldn’t even finish what I wanted to say, and I wasn’t entirely sure what I wanted to say. I didn’t have a way with words, but from the look on John’s face I could tell my silence said it all.

“Let’s go sit on the beach.” he pulled a sun umbrella out the back of his pickup and an old blanket, and we made our way down to the beach. He’d clearly decided on this before we’d left, but I never noticed him putting these things in the back of the truck.

John and I sat and watched the sunrise together. He wrapped me in his arms as the cold began to bite at my skin. I felt myself relax against him as I watched the sky change colour and the sun rise over the edge of the ocean.

“You know if you listen carefully, you can hear the water bubbling as the sun comes out of it.” I couldn’t help but laugh at John’s idiocy.

“What on earth are you talking about?” I chuckled as I turned my face slightly to face him.

“My gram, she used to bring me out to the beach in the summer. We’d sit here and watch the sun set, and she’d always tell me if I listened close enough I’d hear the ocean hiss as the sun went beneath it. I really believed the sun disappeared into the ocean at night, and every time I’d listen. Sometimes I still do, just for kicks I guess.” he looked sad as he was remembering his story, and I wondered why, but then I remembered, not a year before his gram had died of cancer, and it had hit him hard. He’d stopped coming over for band practice for a while, and I’d noticed because as much as I’d hated him, I’d missed his voice.

John was looking down at me, our faces centimetres apart. I could feel his warm breath against my face. My eyes wondered to his lips, and I couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to press my own against them. He must have been wondering the same because before I knew it I felt his lips press against mine and begin moving at a slow pace before I deepened it.

It didn’t last long before John pulled away. “I shouldn’t have done that, I’m sorry.” he seemed frustrated with himself, and I didn’t understand why.

“Don’t be, I’m not. I liked it.” I admitted honestly. As much as it confused me, I liked it a lot.

“But, Kennedy…” I didn’t even let him finish that sentence before pressing my lips against his again.

We stayed like that for a while, before falling asleep together on the beach. When we awoke the beach was busy with people fluttering about, and children playing in the sand. I couldn’t help but smile at the sound of their laughter.

“Shit, Maria. I have about ten missed calls from Kennedy. You might want to phone him.” John handed me my phone which had been lying next to him. I had over twenty missed calls.

“Kenny?”

“Fuck Maria where are you?” he snapped. He didn’t seem so much angry but relieved. I wasn’t sure that would last though.

I hesitated a moment before telling him. “I’m with John.” I admitted.

“John? O’Callaghan? As in the person you hate most in the world? What on God’s green earth are you doing with him? And where are you? I’ve just been to his place he isn’t there?” Kennedy seemed hesitant.

“We’re, um, we’re sat by the Pacific ocean?” I admitted tentatively.

“You are where?”

“I called him last night, I had a fight with Amanda and well I didn’t know who else to call, and well we went for a drive, and we ended up here.” I wasn’t sure how Kennedy was going to take this. I wasn’t sure what he would think of me being five hours with some guy, but then I remembered John wasn’t just some guy. He was his best friend, maybe that would work in my favour.

“Mom and dad are flipping out. I’ll cover for you, but you better be home by curfew this evening.” Kennedy seemed hesitant but he left it at that. I knew we’d have to talk when we got home though.

“Love you, Kenny.” And with that he hung up the phone.

John and I spent our morning lying on the beach, eating food and watching the children play.

“I wish we didn’t have to go home.” I muttered as I climbed in the passenger side of the car. The sun was beginning to set; we’d left it as late as possible to leave the beach. I didn’t want to go home. I never wanted to go home.

“I wish we could stay too, but we have work and school and our families.” I knew he was right but that didn’t mean I didn’t want what I wanted. The drive home was quiet. It wasn’t an awkward silence though, just comfortable. We both sang along to our favourite songs on the radio laughing and smiling. When his car pulled up in my drive I almost didn’t get out. I didn’t want to leave him.

“Good luck in there, I’ll see you tomorrow.” John whispered as he gave me one last hug. I thanked him again before stepping out the car, and into my front door. John and I stayed friends for a while after that, even sharing a few kisses now and again. Nothing ever came of it though, and I was glad of that, because if it had it would have made that night so much harder.

I snapped out of my memory. That had been the best weekend of my life. I’d never felt more relaxed or happy. John had made it that way, but he’d also been the one to take it away. No one knew what had happened, and I’m not sure even John had known. But I did. I knew, and for that I could never forgive him.

“So what do you guys want then, I’m buying.” And with that my night of horror began. I’d never hated myself as much as I did then. Pretending to get along with the person who’d stripped the last of my happiness. If I could get through this, I could get through anything.