Gaijin No More

Cody's POV

My mind was a mess. Actually, everything in me was a mess. I couldn't concentrate on anything and for the rest of my classes I simply sat there, feeling numb. The conversation I had with Aiden's friend Lauren kept playing on my head over and over again. And no matter how much my heart protested, my head knew that I had to do what was best for Aiden.

A part of me wanted to just procrastinate endlessly but a bigger part of me wanted to have it over as soon as possible. That's why I decided to find Aiden after the last class.

I couldn't find him. I waited by his locker for ten minutes but he didn't show up. The hallways were almost empty by the time I gave up and left. I'd have to do this other time or find an other way to inform Aiden about my decision.

As I was walking towards the doors I heard footsteps behind me. I turned my head to look, not really thinking I'd see anyone important.

To my surprise, it was Aiden. My heart leaped like it usually did whenever laid my eyes on my boyfriend. Or, ex-boyfriend from now on, I guess.

Aiden hadn't noticed me yet, he was too concentrated on searching something from his rucksack.

“Aiden,” I called and turned to face him fully. Aiden lifted his eyes from his bag, a smile spreading over his lips as he saw me.

“Hi Cody,” he said and stopped next to me. I tried to swallow the lump that had formed in my throat.

“I... We need to talk.” Those dreaded four words that never meant anything good. Especially not this time.

“Oh yeah? What's up?” This was apparently one of Aiden's better days. Sure he still had the dark bags under his eyes but they weren't as dull as they would be on his bad days. His posture was also more relaxed. For a moment I could see a spark of old Aiden, the Aiden that I had fallen in love with.

Taking a deep breath I tried to pull myself together. I would not break down doing this.

“I think we should break up.” There. I said it. And now I wanted to run away and never again think about my first real relationship.

Aiden's face was blank and I feared I hadn't actually said those words out loud. But then a myriad of emotions flashed in his eyes and finally settled to disbelief.

“What?” he asked, looking at me like I had lost my mind. “You... You want to break up?” he said it like it was the most absurd thing in the world.

My voice seemed to have disappeared so I simply nodded, never breaking the eye contact. I hoped my eyes wouldn't betray my real feelings.

“But why?” Crap. I hadn't thought an answer to that question. I had planned this to be a clean break up, no uncomfortable questions or Aiden trying to make me change my mind.

“Because you're not the same Aiden anymore. You are not the person I liked and started to date.” I silently congratulated myself. That was quite believable reason for break up.

“And what the fuck is that supposed to mean?!” Oh no, Aiden was starting to lose his temper. I was glad there was no one else in the hallway. This was a situation I would rather deal with in private.

“It means that you have changed Aiden. I feel like I don't know you anymore!”

“That's bullshit. I'm still the same Aiden I was yesterday, last week, last month!”

I shook my head vehemently, trying to hold back the tears. God I just wanted this to be over and go home, where I could bury myself under the covers of my bed and snuggle with my stuffed toys. Possibly pretend I was back in my childhood where broken hearts did not exist.

“No. You have turned into this stranger that only drinks and calls me in the middle of the night, saying hurtful things.” Now it was Aiden's turn to shook his head.

“That's not true Cody and you know it!”

“I'm sorry Aiden, but I've had enough. I can't be with you anymore.” And then I ran. I just wanted to get away from all that. I had done it, we weren't together anymore.

I ran all the way back home and didn't stop until I reached my room and collapsed on my bed. Somewhere during running I had started crying and the tears kept coming. Who would've thought one could feel this much pain without bleeding?

I'm not sure how long I just lay there and tried to grasp the fact that I was single again. There would be no more sleepovers with Aiden, no more kisses and caresses, no more pointless conversations about things that didn't really matter, and most importantly no more just having someone being there for me.

I blindly reached for one of my stuffed animals. I needed something to cuddle with since I had no plans of getting out of bed anytime soon.

Ironically, the first toy that my hand reached was the pink dinosaur that Aiden had won me a little while ago. It was a hideous thing, with big mismatched eyes and weird smile. But still I had loved it from the moment Aiden placed it in my arms.

Flashback

We were at a funfair and Aiden had asked me to go to get him a cotton candy. He said he had to use the restroom so we parted our ways and I headed towards the cotton candy booth. I had to wait for a few minutes since the line was quite long.

Once I got the cotton candy I headed towards the restrooms but stopped when a head of a stuffed pink dinosaur appeared before my face.

I turned around to see Aiden grinning at me cheekily while holding the toy towards me.

“What's this?” I laughed and took the dinosaur, looking at it curiously.

“I won it for you. Isn't that what boyfriends are supposed to do?” It was horribly cliché but it still made butterflies fill my stomach when Aiden did things like that.

“I love it,” I said and gave Aiden a hug and a kiss.

“Now you have something to cuddle with when I'm not around.”

I guess I was going to cuddle this dinosaur for a long time.