Falling Again

“Guess who I ran into today, asking questions.”

“Who?”

“Justin”

“Great.” She sighed.

“What he just wanted to know how you were.”

“Well did you tell him that I am great?”

“Ummm.”

“You didn't did you?”

“No i didn't.”

“Please don't I don't want him to know.”

“You have to tell him eventually.”

“I am fine.”

“That's what you keep saying. You know he played for the Hurricanes this year.””

“I wouldn't know.”

“I don't know why you don't just tell him, its all kind of selfish if you ask me.”

“Well its a good thing I am not you.”

“I love you but I think you are wrong.”

“Its been four years, he hasn't tried to contact me and obviously doesn't care.”

“I think you may be wrong about that.”

“Who knows, but Jax and I are happy and that's all I want for us.”

Five years earlier.

Becca sat in the stands watching Justin block shot after shot. They had been together since they were thirteen and he was leaving soon to embark on the next step in his career as a professional player. She knew that she would stay here, finish college and then see where life took them next. They had been friends since preschool and he had always been a constant in her life. Her only other close friend was Noel. She stood and clapped as Justin waved his stick on his last game with the team and smiled down when he touch his heart with his stick and smiled up at her. His teammates loved her and always looked up to her when they weren't playing so well. She had a way of comforting them, bringing back their focus.

“Great game boys.” Becca smiled as each of them hugged her. She was almost as sweaty as them when Justin finally made his way to her.

“I am going to miss you being in the stands at every game.”

“I will be there is spirit.”
Justin smiled and leaned down to kiss her. She smiled and then frowned.

“What is it baby?”

“We only have a few months until you leave.”

“Lets make the best of them. You will be out to see me right?”

“Every chance I can.”
He smiled then ducked away to go shower before they met the guys at the pizza joint.

Becca frowned as she watched him drive away, the next year would test everything they had. The history would help carry them through but would it be enough? Noel slid her arm around Becca waist pulling her into her body.

“We will go soon. Albany isn't that far.”

“I know its just, he isn't here.”

“He will be in seven months.”
Becca frowned then moved away from her.

6 years later.

Becca reached the daycare center just before they were closing. Her job at UNCC was taking its toll. Her hours were getting longer and longer but she had a great job so she suffered through it.
“Mommy, Mommy, guess who I met today.”

“Who?”

“I met the Checkers.”
“The Checkers?”

“Yes, the Checkers, he told me I would be a good goalie one day.”

“Who told you that?”

“Mr. Justin.”
Becca froze in place.

“Mr. Justin?”

“Yes, he plays for Checkers and Hurricanes.”

“Yes, he does.”
Becca starting scanning through everything she knew about Justin, last she heard he was in Florida but that was a least a couple years ago. Noel had insisted they go to college in Charlotte, since she had family there. No one knew them and she wouldn't be judged for being a pregnant nineteen year old. Noel’s aunt had helped her tremendously. Always keeping Jax and making sure she had time to do her homework.

“I am glad you met them.”

“I met Mr. Matt and Mr. Zach too.”

“How many of the players came out today?”

“There were five.”
Becca frowned and looked down at her phone.

Justin called his mom that night and asked her to send her a picture of him when he was in Kindergarten. She wondered why but he was able to make an excuse about something for the team. When he opened the email he saw what he remembered. The kid at the school was a spitting image of him. He reached for his phone and sent a message to Noel. Maybe she would be honest.

I know I ran into you a few days ago, I have a very important question for you.
Justin

Oh hey Justin
Noel

There was a kid that looks just like me? You know anything about that?”
Justin

“OH SHIT” Noel shrieked as she closed the message and called Becca.

“Becs, please tell me that Justin didn't see Jax today.”

“He did.”

“He sent me a message.”

“Why would he do that?”

“Well you see I kinda told him I was team Justin and gave him my number.”

“I fucking hate you sometimes.”

“Well, he deserves to know.”

“We have been fine for the last six years and I think we will be fine for a lot more. Justin doesn't
have time for a kid and who the hell knows where he will be next week.”

“He will be staying in North Carolina for a while.”

“It doesn't matter.”

“Yeah it does. You tell him or I will.”

“I can't do that.”

“Meet him for lunch tomorrow at Jason’s Deli in Epicenter, I will send him the info. Be there or I will
find you and drag you there myself.”

“I can't just take Jax with me.”

“No you can't so I will be taking him to Chuckie cheese, or Monkey Joe’s or wherever.”

“I don't know if I can.”

“Well if you don't show up I will call him and tell him myself.”

“You aren't a very good friend.”

“He already knows he just needs confirmation.”

Noel hung up and sent Justin a text.

Meet me at Jason’s Deli in Epicenter tomorrow at noon...
Noel

See you then
Justin

Becca smoothed her shirt over her chest, walking up to the entrance of the restaurant. Justin was leaning against the railing waiting.

“Becca?”

“Hey Justin.”

“I thought I was meeting Noel.”

“She sent me.”

“Well its good to see you are still as beautiful as you always were.”
Becca frowned at him, “Justin don't, please.”

“Its the truth. the years have been generous to you.”

“You as well.” She gave him a tight smile then walked around him and ordered a salad. Justin pulled out his card and handed it to the guy behind the register paying for her lunch as well as his. Becca moved away trying to figure out how to tell him what he already knew.

“Justin, I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“You know what, I wasn't sure what to do and I didn't want you to feel like you had to give up everything for me. Jax is doing well and you don't owe us anything.”

“So he is mine.”

“Yes.”

“It was just surreal, walking into a classroom and seeing that boy looking back at me.”

“He is a good kid.”

“He deserves a father.”

“He has good male role models and you have a career to focus on.”

“Apparently I have a son to focus on. You kept him away from me for five years.”

“I did what I thought was best.”

“You should have told me.”

“You were too busy sticking your dick in every bunny that would allow it.”

“That's not true.”

“You think I don't know, that I haven't heard the stories? We did grow up in the same small town. I
knew when I saw you with that girl in Albany what was going on.”

“I will never be sorry enough for my behavior. I was young and stupid, I am ready for this.”

“I don't know if I can trust you with his heart, you stomped all over mine. I would rather him never know than for you to disappoint him the way you did me.”

“I am a different person. I haven't been with anyone since I came here. I think running into Noel was a blessing. I would have never been able to know I had a son, if I hadn't.”
“Justin, please.”

“I need to see my son.”

“I need to protect him. He doesn't know you and I can't bring myself to open him up to being hurt by you.”

“What happened between us has no bearing on my ability to see my son or be a father.”

“I understand that but I just...” Justin stood walking over to Becca and dropping to his knee.

“Please, I know that I hurt you and I would take it back a million times if I could, I never wanted anyone but you and knowing that we created a life together makes us special. Its makes us a family no matter how broken it is. I will respect him more than I ever respected you. I will be the man that you both deserve. Let me take you to dinner and lets talk about his again.”

“Justin...”

“He’s my son, Becca.”

“I know.”

“I want to get to know him, I want to be his father.”

“Call me tomorrow and we will talk about it again.”
Becca scribbled her number down for him and then stood rushing for the door. She barely made it to her car before the tears were streaming down her face. Justin reached her and grabbed her arm pulling her against him. She curled into his familiar body and cried. He held her like he had so many years ago. His thoughts took him back to the night they broke up and his heart tore into a thousand pieces again.
“I’m sorry Becca, I am so sorry.”

“I am too Justin. I just don't know if I can do this.”

“I want to do this, I want to be there for both of you.”

“I’m just scared, I am scared of being near you, you being a constant part of my life. It took me
years to get over you, losing our friendship losing everything we had.”

“I want it all back, I want you.”
Becca pulled back looking up at Justin. He moved his thumbs over her face, wiping away her tears and smiled down to her.

“We were good together, I let my head get in the way and thought that I was doing what I was supposed to be doing, I was young and stupid. I enjoyed the attention and to be honest I destroyed us but being a dick.”

“You were a dick.”

“I can never apologize enough.” Justin’s eyes traveled over her face,causing Becca to flush. He leaned in and brushed his lips softly over hers. She didn't move but pulled away as soon as he pulled back.

“I have to go.”

“Bring Jax to my game tonight.”

“I can't.”

“Please.”

“Baby steps Justin.” She turned and climbed into her car. she gave him a shy smile and waved as she pulled out of the parking lot.

“Hey Jax, did you have fun with Aunt Noel?”

“Yes, look what I got.” he jumped up and down smiling at the small Checkers jersey.

“Where did you get that?”

“Aunt Noel took me to the Checkers store and let me pick out a jersey. You like it?”

“I do.” Jax took the jersey and ran down the hall to his room.

“A Peters jersey really you bought him a Peters jersey?”

“Team Petie, yeah!” Noel smiled “Oh and I bought ticketfortonightsgame.”

“You what?”

“We are going to the game.”

“No we aren't.”
“Then you can tell Jax, we aren't going, he is so excited.”

“Thanks for asking me if it was okay.”

“It’s Justin, so he screwed up but that was forever ago. You still miss him.”

“I do not.”

“I know you keep that box of stuff under your bed and I also know that you pull it out every so often and cry.”

“I do miss what we had but we can't have that again.”

“He was your best friend for almost ten years. He was a stupid boy.”

“He probably still is.”

“He isn't.”

“How the hell do you know that?”

“I talked to his brother the last time I was home.”

“You are a meddling little bitch sometimes.”

“You will thank me, promise.”

“We shall see.”

Becca looked out over the ice watching a game she had given up on so many years ago. She hadn't watched a game since the night her and Justin had broken up. She didn't have the heart to. Justin started in goal and she watched him intently, remembering how good he was as a junior then his first few years as a professional. She smiled to herself, remembering how much she had enjoyed the game.
“I told you this would be fun.”

“Maybe for you.”

“Look Mommy, there is Mr. Justin.” Jax bounced in his seat.

“Yes, there he is.”

Jax talked excitedly from his seat in the back of Becca’s SUV.
When they got home she sat him down on the couch and got on her knees in front of him.
“Jax, can we talk about something important?”

“Yes.”

“I saw your Dad today, he would like to met you.”

“I have a daddy?”

“Yes, you do and he wants to meet you.”

“When?”

“Soon, I just want you to have a choice in this.”

“Why didn't he want to meet me when I was a baby?”

“That isn't important. What is important is that he wants to me you now.”

“What is my daddy’s name?”

“Justin.”

“Like Mr. Justin?”

“Yes, like Mr. Justin.”

“Cool.” He smiled at her then hugged her to him.

“I love you mommy.”

“I love you too baby, now go get in bed.”

“Nighty night.” He smiled as he turned and ran down the hall. Becca pulled out her phone and sent a message to Justin.

You played well tonight. I told Jax I saw his father today. Can you meet me tomorrow?
Becca

You were there?
Justin

Yes, Noel surprised me with tickets.
Becca

Did you bring Jax?
Justin

Yes, he had a really good time.
Becca

I can meet you tomorrow, what time? I have practice at nine.
Justin

For lunch?
Becca

Ok, oneish?
Justin

Sounds good, meet us at McDonalds on South.
Becca

Us?
Justin

Yes, I am bringing Jax
Becca

Okay, see you then
Justin

Justin sat his phone down on the seat in his car and smiled to himself. He called his mother earlier in the day telling her the news. She had freaked out until she heard it was Becca’s. He was sure the wheels had been turning back in Blythe as his mother called everyone she knew. How they had never found out was beyond him. Becca had moved shortly after they broke up and he had no way to get in touch with her. No one would tell him where she was and he knew then that he had lost her forever. Faith had intervened and given him a second chance and he wasn't going to waste it.

Justin adjusted uncomfortably against the seat inside the door when he saw Becca walking up tugging a small boy behind her. He smiled when she opened the door. The boy ran for the counter and asked for chicken nuggets. Becca smiled shyly up at Justin then moved to get Jax under control.

“Lets go play first, then we can eat.”

“Okay.” Jax smiled before he looked up at Justin. “Hi, Mr. Justin.”

“Hey, Jax.” he squatted down taking the boys hand in his.

“My Aunt Noel bought me a Checkers jersey with your name on it.”

“She did?”

“Yes, yesterday, I wore it to the game. It was so much fun. Can you teach me to play hockey?”

“I can try. That is if is okay with your mom.”

“He did a clinic in Pineville over the summer, I don't want to push him.” Becca spoke. Justin took Jax’s hand and led him towards the play place. He smiled down at the child and lifted him in his arms. Becca smiled to herself questioning everything that she had thought was truth. Could Justin have been a father and still moved on in his career?

“You want to play?”

“Yes.” Jax squealed when Justin tickled him before setting him down.

“He likes you.”

“He does, does he know that I am his father?”

“I just told him that his dad’s name was Justin.”

“Are you going to tell him?”

“I thought we could do that together.”

Justin took her hand, smiling “Thanks for this. I am still a little mad that I haven't had the chance to know him, but after talking to my mom I understand.”

“You talked to your mom?”

“Yeah, she called your mom after I told her and they talked for a long time. I think I do understand why you never told me, I just wish you had.”

“I can't change the past and to be honest I don't know that this is what is best for him. He will fall helplessly in love with you and then what happens when you get traded?”

“You will come with me.”

“Justin, it isn't that simple.”

“Of course it is, I make plenty of money to take care of us and he should be with me.”

“Lets just see how this goes, okay?”

Justin nodded even though he wanted to frown.

After an hour of Jax running around playing with the other children there, Becca moved to wrangle him back to the table. Justin was walking back in when she finished wiping his hands with a baby wipe.

“Here are your nuggets.”

“Thank you Mr. Justin.”

“Anytime.”

“Jax, Mr. Justin and I would like to talk to you about something.”

“Is my daddy here?”

“Yes he is, Jax, Justin is your Father.”

“Mr. Justin is my daddy?”

“Yes, he is. We knew each other a long time ago and lost contact, he found you and wants to be your dad.”

“Mr. Justin, you want to be my daddy?”

“I would.” Justin smiled.

“Okay.” Jax smiled before shoving a nugget in his mouth.

“You are going to choke.” Justin reached for him.

“He’s fine, will stuff food in until nothing else will fit.”

“At least he eats.”

“He doesn't have a problem there, God help me when he is a teenager.”

Justin smiled at Becca and reached and tucked a blonde curl behind her ear. SHe shied at his touch but didn't move.

“DO you love my mommy?” Jax asked, pulling them both from the moment.

“I have always loved your mommy.”

“You should marry her, aren't mommies and daddies supposed to be married?”

“Sometimes they are and sometimes they aren't, Jax. We have talked about this before.”

“You should marry my mommy, Mr. Justin.”

“Maybe one day, buddy, maybe one day.” Becca flushed and then stood to walk away.

“Where you going?” Justin asked her.

“To potty, you need to go Jax?”

“No.” He grinned

Becca walked through the restaurant going into the bathroom she sat on the toilet seat and cried. She knew this was going to be hard but she had no idea that seeing them together would make her regret every decision she had made.

“Noel, I think I fucked up.”

“What?”

“I shouldn't have kept him from Justin. I shouldn't have done it.”

“You didn't know what was going to happen. If i hadn't run into Justin he would have never known.”

“He is so good with him and Jax deserves a father.”

“You were there for him that is all that matters.”

“I know I just feel bad.”

“Please tell me you are not crying int he McDonald's bathroom.”

“I wish I could.”

“Please go out there and be with your boys. He wants this and i have a very suspicious feeling that you do to.”

“I don't know what I want. I have all the feelings that I have kept under wraps for so long and they are all flooding back more and more every time I see him.”

“Just go with it. You guys loved each other so much it made all of us sick. There were reasons why we wouldn't double date with you two.”

“We weren't that bad.”

“Yes, Yes you were.”

“whatever.”

“Get the fuck out of that bathroom and go talk to Justin.”

Becca smiled at her phone, thankful that her friend was her voice when she needed one. She smiled when she moved back towards them. Justin was smiling at his phone and Becca frowned.

“She is a tough cookie.”

“Who?”

“Noel.”

“What are you talking about?”

“She just sent this to me.” he flipped his phone around so Becca could see it.

If you fuck this up, I will never forgive you and team Justin will die as quickly as it started. She loves you and I know you love her. It has been a lot of years but I never thought I Would see her smile the way she did at the game last night. Be good to her or I will make Bellemore kick your ass.
Noel

“Does she know Brett?”

“I don't think so.”

Justin smiled and tucked his phone back into his pocket.

“She is going to kill me if I hurt you, so I guess that makes my decision a little easier.” Justin smiled at Becca.

“I’m full can I go play?” Jax asked as a new group of children tore through the play place.

“Yes.” Becca smiled down to him.

“He really is a great kid, you have done well.”

“I am a good mother and I always will be.” Becca spoke to Justin.

“I wasn't saying you weren't.”

“I know what you are thinking and I don't like it.”

“You do?”

“Yes, you are seeing you and me and Jax together, I don't know if that can happen and to be honest I don't know if I want it to happen.”

“I think we should work on us as we go, if it becomes mroe than it does. We have to put the past behind us and move forward for him, if nothing else.”

“That is easy for you to say.” Becca felt the tears coming.

“It was never easy for me. I missed you everyday. I know that is hard for you to believe but I did. I messed up bad and I have had to live with that for a very long time. I wanted to call you, find you, apologize. You cut me off and that was it. We were better than what I gave us credit for. I only cheated twice and that was all in the same week. I was lonely. I know that is a piss poor excuse but its the truth. I had women throwing themselves at me left and right and I finally gave in. After I lost you I never did it again. I have only dated one girl since you and she wasn't what I wanted. I never treated her well and she didn't deserve to be held to a standard that no one could ever come to. I have known you since I was six years old and I want to know you until the day I die. I know i don't deserve it, hell i can't believe that you are sitting here with me now. I just hope and pray everyday that you will see it in your heart to trust me again and see that I can be the man that you want.”

“Justin it is just so much. It would be so easy for me to fall back into you. I don't know that I can or if I should. You broke my heart. I put everything I had into us and you just walked away with my heart. You stole it and have kept it with you for years. You have no idea what I have been through or what my life has been. I had to finish college with an infant and if it weren't for Noel’s family I would be back in Blythe miserable and broke. I have worked so hard to be where I am and I just can't let you waltz back in and destroy everything I have accomplished.”

“I can't dance so there will be no waltzing and you never had to do it alone. I would have done what I could have to help you.”

“I know you would have but to be honest I didn't want you in my life and I punished Jax because of it.. I may never forgive myself for that.”

“Lets start over. Lets go to dinner and see if this is something we can fix.”

“I don't know.”

“I have to try, you are the one regret I have in my life and I want to try and fix that. I want you to be everything you were working for before I fucked it up. I want us to be friends if nothing else.”

“We could never be friends.”

“I think we could.”

“There is too much history, I will never be okay seeing you with another woman.”

“Same here, but I will do what I have to. I want to be there.”

“I am glad you do.” Becca patted Justin's hand a subtle way to back out of the conversation

They watched Jax play for another hour then Becca decided they should go.

“I am leaving in the morning won't be back in town until Thursday.”

“Well then I guess we will see you on Thursday or whenever.”

“Please don't be like that. I can't help when we are gone and I will spend as much time with him as I can.”

“I know and I am sorry, I just know how hard it was for me with you being gone all the time and now He is going to have to deal with it too.”

I will do my best to make this right. I promise.” Justin stood to leave and walked over looking for Jax. “I will see you soon buddy. Can I call you?”

“Yes, but I don't have a phone, can you call mommy’s?”

“Yes, I will call you tomorrow after we land in Oklahoma City.”

"You are going to Oklahoma?””

“Yes, we play there on Monday and Wednesday. Can i take you to lunch on Thursday?”

“You can come eat with me at school.”

“Consider it done.”

“Bye, Mr. Justin.”

“Bye Jax.”

Justin stood after releasing Jax back to the play place.
“What is his name anyway?”

“Jackson Peters Smith.”

“oh.”

“What, I wanted him to have your name but I couldn't give it to him without you on the birth
certificate.””

“I see.” Justin

“Please Justin, I know it hurt your feelings but I had to do what I had to do. The rules are different in the states.”

“Can we change it, eventually?”

“We will see.” Becca gave him a tight lipped smile.

“I will call you tonight, and I promised Jax I would call him tomorrow.”

“Okay, bye Justin.”

“Bye.” He waved before walking out.

The next morning he found his way to Michel Jordan and asked him about his son, how he dealt with being gone all the time. The advice was what Justin had already planned on doing but it was nice to hear he was doing it right. He called Jax later that night and they had a very normal conversation about school and the game. He finally lost interest and handed the phone to Becca.
“Can you ask Noel to keep him for a couple hours on Thursday night so I can take you to dinner?”
“I guess I can.”

“I would like to take you to dinner and talk about us and the future.”

“Justin I don't know if there is a future.”

“You know there is as much as I do.”

“We shall see.” He dropped his phone on the bed in his room frowning.

“What's up roomie?” Brett asked as he walked out of the bathroom.

“Nothing.”

“Then why you all sour faced.” He smirked.

“Well I want to make this right and I am not sure I am going to be able to.”

“This is your sons mother?”

“Yes, Becca.”

“All you can do is try if she doesn't want it to be more than you have to back off and just try and have a relationship with your son.”

“I want more than that.”

“Maybe she doesn't.”

“You know Sutter, you aren't helping.”

“I can only tell you what I think.”

“Well keep your two cents to yourself.”

“Touchy touchy, you need a drink.”

“I don't.”

“Then go to bed and sleep it off.”

“Quit chirping me and I will.” Justin flopped over the bed and tried to sleep.

Thursday afternoon Justin arrived at the school at ten thirty and had McDonald's in hand. He walked to the office and explained that he was here to have lunch with his son Jax. The receptionist took one look at him and smiled.
“I know you.”

“I don't think so.”

“Yes I met you at the after skate for the Checkers, you are the goalie.”

“Yes, I am.”

“Your son goes to school here?”

“Yes he does, he has lunch, well now.”

“Okay let me check you in and I will show you to the cafeteria.”

“I can find it there was a sign outside of the office.”

Jax’s smile was wide when he saw Justin walk into the cafeteria. HE ran over to him with arms spread.
“Daddy.” Justin’s heart melted into a puddle right in that moment. He thought he knew exactly how he would handle this but that child's face changed everything in him. When he stood up he stood taller. smiled brighter. He took Jax’s hand as the boy led him to a table across the room. Jax talked about school and about the Hockey practice he had had that week. His told Justin that his mom had signed him up in a league for beginners and that he wanted him to come to a game. Justin would make that happen one way or another.

After lunch Justin looked for flowers to take Becca, he knew she wasn't a flower girl but he felt like something different was in order.

“Hey.” Becca smiled as she opened the door.
Justin walked in and handed her the bright pink Gerbera daisies he had purchased earlier.

“Thanks they are beautiful.”

“Anything for you.” he smiled. he frowned as he turned to close the door, not liking his choice of words. he sounded like a douche.

“Justin, don't try so hard. I know who you are and I am okay with it. Lets just eat and have fun.” Becca smiled as she reached and touched his arm.

Becca wanted to pull her hand back, feeling the firmness of his bicep almost undid her. She never forgot how good he felt against her and she didn't want to remember it now.
“Why are you blushing?”

“I don't know.”

“Is Jax here?”

“No, Noel took him out for a movie.” Justin took her hand and pulled her to him. He looked down at her face and kissed her. Before Becca could react her body betrayed her and leaned into him. Her hands wrapped around his neck and she pulled him closer. When he finally pulled away she stood there stunned that she had let that happen.
“Justin, I don't know...”

“You wanted that as much as I did.”

“I did, but wanting something and actually doing it are two completely different things.”

“Just let your heart lead you, your mind will mess everything up, it is what messed everything up years ago and I won't let that happen again.”

“You messed that up with your dick.”

“I was too busy thinking about what I didn't have in front of me and not what I held in my heart.”
Becca smiled at him.

“I mean that, if I had just trusted my heart I never would have screwed everything up. I messed up us, my career honestly my life, with one stupid decision. I want to make it right now. I want it to be what it should have been.”
Becca looked at him and smiled, “I want that too.”

“You do?”

“I do, and if i think with my heart then it has always been yours. You never returned it.”

“I didn't want to.” He pulled her against him again, kissing her hard.

May

Justin watched as the players for the Checkers skated to center ice saluting the fans. He smiled at them, reaching across his lap he pulled Becca’s hand into his and squeezed.

“I am not sure where I will be come next season with there being three goalies in Raleigh but I know this for sure, I want you guys with me. Will you please marry me.” Justin moved to kneel beside her.

“Of course I will.” He handed her a small box and when she opened the lid she smiled.

“You remembered.”

“Of course I did, do you know how hard it was to find a blue diamond.”

“It’s beautiful.”

“It doesn't matter that we did this all backwards, I want you and Jax with me forever.”

“Forever is a long time.”

“Good thing I have a lot of time.” he smiled and kissed her as he pulled her into his lap.