Thick and Thin

The next morning I laid in bed for a good half hour before deciding to get up and going. As soon as I sat up, I felt a slight pain in my head. When I reached to my forehead I felt the sore spot where I banged it against the window. I took a couple of aspirin I kept on my night stand and washed them down with a cup of water from the other night.

I shuffled through the hallway and into the living room, Sara sitting up on the couch with a bowl of cereal. I tried combing my hands through my hair, but it was no use. It was so tangled and I could imagine how wild my hair looked.

"Good morning sleeping beauty," she smiled with milk dripping down her chin. I smiled weakly, not yet feeling the medicine. "You ok?" She asked. I nodded.

"I think so."

"Do you even remember what happened?"

"Unfortunately," I nodded. "I knew what was going on but it was like my body and mouth had a mind of it's own."

"I hear ya," she said, taking another bite of her cereal and wiping her chin with her robe. "You got your wish though, Eli felt like shit."

"Really," I said in more of a statement than a question. She nodded and turned back to the TV, Sponge Bob.

"Yeah. He left after he tried talking to you but you were already asleep. He didn't say good bye or anything so Adam just stayed the night."

I didn't know what to say so I just nodded. The medicine was already starting to kick in and I was already feeling better.

"You really liked him back then, didn't you?" she asked seriously. I shrugged and thought about it.

"I guess."

"I mean think about it," she set her bowl on the coffee table and turned back to me. "One, you didn't hold a grudge with Zack really. And B, you never once mentioned Mark last night. It was all Eli Eli Eli."

"Ok, two comes after one...not B-"

"Not the point!" She said. "Not the point, the point is, you loved him."

"No," I shook my head. "No. I barely knew him, and no. I never loved him." She kept nodding her head. "No."

"It makes sense."

"No. There's nothing to make sense." I stood up and walked into the kitchen to pour some mango banana juice. "Yes, I liked him. More than the other guys, but that doesn't mean I loved him. I was in love maybe, but not truly."

"Loved him," she coughed. I rolled my eyes and went to go change my clothes.

**

Sara went out with Adam an hour after our conversation. I wasn't in the mood to see Eli ever again, so I stayed back in case he was joining. They can have fun without me.

I turned the channel, hoping a good episode of Steve was on, which it was. I laid back on the couch with my hands resting behind my head. At the end of the show I was bored so I put my sneakers on and went for a walk around the beach.

It always felt cooler around the ocean and gave me a sense of calm. I loved it. I walked up and down the beach and decided to take my shoes and socks off and walk in the water. I stood there for a moment, feeling the water hit my ankles and watched the ocean waves. The water was a deep green blue and it was beautiful.

"You look beautiful," I remember him telling me that night we all went out. We were slow dancing and a thousand years was the song they played that Sara and Adam dedicated to us. I remember how close he was to me, how safe I felt in his arms. I smiled slightly remembering how I tripped when he attempted to twirl me.

My smile faded when I remembered the day I found the picture on his phone. It was supposed to be a good day, I had just gotten my acceptance letter. I remember being hysterical.

I shook my head and tried snapping it out of my thoughts. Maybe he did mean more to me than any guy I've ever dated. He did make me laugh more, he made me feel more safe. It wouldn't be fair to be in a relationship if I didn't trust someone, even though the girl was crazy and sent a half naked photo to him without his knowledge.

I walked halfway up the beach and laid down, knowing later I would regret this decision about getting sand in my hair but at the moment I really didn't care. I wanted to fly away and never come back down. I wanted to drift in the ocean and never come back to shore. I moved here to get away from everything, but as soon as Eli Goldsworthy showed up the memories were flooding back.

And I missed every second of him.

**

I walked home barefoot, every five minutes trying to knock sand out of my shoes. I walked up the steps to the apartment and walked in. Sara was laying on the couch watching TV. She poked her head up and nodded at me.

"Where have you been?" She asked, standing up to stretch.

"Just went for a walk. I needed to clear my head," I explained. She nodded and went to the fridge and opened a capri sun.

"You got more sun," she pointed. I looked at my arms that were slightly red.

"Good."

"We're going to the park in a few to play some basketball, wanna come?" She asked. I shrugged and looked down at my chipping fingernail polish. "It'll be fun. If you don't want to play you can just sit on the side and be my cheerleader." I smiled and nodded.

"Fine, just let me get another pair of sneakers. These are so full of sand it'll weigh me down."

**

The boys were already warming up. Adam and Eli almost looked identical with their clothes. Both were wearing black basketball shorts with plain white shirts. Eli's hair was even more messy and same as Adams. I waved slightly as we walked up.

"What are we playing?" Sara asked after kissing Adam hello. "Horse?"

"I thought we would actually play a real game of basketball," Adam smirked. "Girls VS us." Sara looked over at me for approval, I shrugged and nodded.

"You're going down," Eli said as I checked him the ball. I shook my head.

"You're pathetic." Once I got the ball back I passed it to Sara quickly. I ran past Eli with ease to be in the open. Sara passed it back to me and I shot the ball making the basket.

We checked the ball again, this time Sara being open and she made the basket.

"I'm sorry," I said as I walked closer to Eli, "Who is going down?"

"When did you learn to play?" he asked surprised.

"You underestimate me Goldsworthy."

After that I could tell Eli was trying harder than he was, scoring a lot more points than Adam. It almost became a personal competition between me and him. At the end of the game, we were tied and Sara was fouled by Adam on him grabbing her when she went to shoot.

"Come on Sara!" I cheered. She dribbled the ball. This was for the game point. She shot and made it, both of us cheering and giving each other high fives. Adam and Eli walked to the bench with their heads down.

"I told you I was athletic," I told Eli. "Basketball camp for four years. Softball for 9 years."

"Yeah, ok." he took a sip of his water and smirked at me. I shook my head, refusing to let my heart melt and walked to Sara.

"Wanna play another?" Adam asked me. I shook my head.

"I'm tired. I think i'll sit this one out." Eli and Adam started playing one on one while Sara and I chatted on the side. Eli was actually pretty athletic himself which surprised me. He always seemed like he would be against that stuff.

"I saw you," Sara smiled whispering at me.

"That's creepy."

"I saw you smiling at him." Did I really smile at him? I shook my head. "You were." My stomach did a flip and I looked down at my legs. I took a deep breath and rubbed the back of my neck.

"I probably insulted him," I finally said. Sara laughed.

"When are you just going to give in?"

"What?"

"Nothing. Never mind." She took a long drink of her water bottle and smacked the lid shut, setting it down in between us.

"It won't work out," I whispered. "I can't trust him."

"He didn't do anything wrong."

"He could've mentioned a crazy bitch had his phone number. He's still always on his phone, who knows how many naked pictures he's getting now."

"Seriously?" Sara said rolling her eyes.

"Well...look at him," I held my hand out to him as he jumped and made a basket. "He's perfect," I finally admitted. Sara's face brightened and was grinning ear to ear.

"For the love of toast she admits something!" She shouted. I covered her mouth quickly with my hand sushing her.

"Sara, really?" I whispered. "I don't think they could hear you in china."

"Sorry. Adam and I really want you two together. You are so perfect you just need to get rid of this trust thing and your grudge." I noticed I was still rubbing the back of my neck and took my hand down onto my lap.

"Sara, it's too late. There's too much stuff." I leaned back and stretched my arms out. Eli looked over at his and gave us his sideways smirk that I loved. I looked away quickly and tried to pretend that I didn't see him look over.

"Not every guy is Zack, not every guy is Mark." Sara rested her hand on my shoulder.

"I don't know. I'll think about it but for right now, no." I stood up and picked up my water and dumped some on my neck to cool me down. When I sat back down, Eli and Adam were now shirtless. Sara and I cocked our heads to the side.

"Something else I have to admit...he is absolutely gorgeous."

"Mhm," Sara and I said in unison.

"You guys want to play or are you just going to drool over there like zombies?" Adam laughed. I shook my head and so did Sara and they continued onto their game of one on one.