Blind.

Blind. That’s what I am. I’m searching in the dark, I’m grasping for touch, I’m bleeding for love and attention. I can hear lungs expanding and contracting, I can hear him gulping down air, letting out carbon dioxide. But I can’t see him. I can’t find him.

And my brain feels as if it will implode, my thoughts flying across the room in a million different directions, as I search out in the dark for that one thing that will keep me moving. That one thing that will let me see.

I want to see his pretty olive eyes, I want to see them sparkle with love and lust, as he holds me tight, and kisses me gently. But I can’t can’t can’t. Because he’s not there, he’s not within reach. Or I just can’t find him. I just can’t grasp him.

I can hear his voice now, it’s near, but it’s so far away, all at the same time. He’s touching my cheek now, he’s kissing my lips. His arms are around me, and I’m searching him out, I’m grasping onto him with all my strength.

And then he’s fading away; and I’m screaming for him. But I can’t can’t can’t see him. And I’m clawing at my face, digging at my fragile pupils, and there’s blood, blood, it’s falling down my face, red tears, red tears.

I’m hysterical, screaming, crying, and clawing at my face, begging to be able to see him. Begging to be able to see his dusty pink lips, begging to see his olive eyes as they cloud over with lust when I touch him.

I just want to see see see.

Blind, blind is insane, blind is scary, blind is eternal darkness.

And the tears, they keep running running running.

I’m sinking to the ground; red tears are falling falling falling. I can hear them splashing up around me, as my lungs start to expand and contract fast, fast, faster; and I’m gasping, shuddering for air.

And then he’s screaming, loud and fearfully, he’s found me in the kitchen, he’s seen my face and my eyes, and he’s begging to know why I’ve done it. And I tell him, I tell him; “I couldn’t see you.”

Blind, blind, I am fucking blind.